PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PETER METRINKO

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1331 Paste Imperfect Choose a headline or sentence from The Post or another publication, print or online, dated May 9-20, 2019. Then change that headline or other text by: A. Deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it (put brackets around the deleted text);B. Adding up to 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad (write the additions in capital letters); or C. Both A and B, as long as the added text goes at the end of your headline or sentence. H
1221 Who's kidding whom? Take two people from history, past or present, and tell what their child would be like H
1200 The definitive dozen Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words. H
1188 Just short words, one more time Explain some concept or philosophy entirely in words of one syllable. P
1184 Plan C -- a third candidate? Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. H
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. P
939 MASH 2: The Retread Combine two movie titles and describe the result. H H
881 What's in a name? Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. H H
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. 3 I
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. H
873 Back to Square 1A Replace the shaded letters in this grid with your own letters to come up with a different word or phrase -- either an existing word or one you make up -- and define it humorously. H
871 Remarquees Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. H
870 Let's play Nopardy Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question. H
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. 3
868 Count the ways Give us some musings of a technical wonk. I
866 Natalie Portmanteau Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define (humorously, of course) the resulting phrase. H H
864 Oonerspisms Spoonerize a single word or a name by transposing different part of the word (more than two adjacent letters), and define the resultant new term. H I
862 Be cheerful Send us a cheer or fight song for any pro sports team or any national team. H
861 It's incumbent upon us Combine the names of two or more freshman members of Congress to create "joint legislation." This week's pool of legislators includes only those who were elected to their seats before 1994, the first year we ran the freshman contest. P
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. H H
859 Can't goods Cast a joke in one of the forms listed above. H
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H H
856 Titled Puerility Here are some untitled book covers. For any of them, tell us a title and synopsis of a book that will never be published. H
854 What's not to liken? Produce one or more similes in any of the following categories. H I
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word or phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H H
850 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2009. H
847 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from Dec. 11 through Dec. 21 and come up with a question it might answer. H
846 Season's gratings Write a brief (50 words or fewer) holiday letter from a personage from past or present, or from fiction. W
844 Healthy choice Enter any Style Invitational from Week 790 through Week 840, except for Week 793 and Week 798. H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. 2 H H
841 Food for naught Alter the name of a food or dish slightly and describe the result. H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H
838 Picture This Provide a caption for any of these pictures. H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. I
835 Tour de Fours VI Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters T, H, R, and E. H
834 Fractured Compounds Combine two full words within any single article appearing in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com into a hyphenated compound word, and define or otherwise describe the result. H H
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H
830 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 14 through Aug. 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
827 Caller Idiot Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person. H
822 For Real Folks Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife. H I
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H P
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, an I, two T's and an E. H
813 Aw, Shocks Give us a humorous example of the "shocking -- not." P
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). P W
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. 2
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. P
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, I, N and E. H H
785 The Ballad Box Write a short, humorous song somehow relating to the presidential campaign, set to a familiar tune. H
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. H H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H
777 Limerixicon 5 Supply a humorous limerick featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters da-. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. 3 H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H H H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. I W
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H H
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. H H H I
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
755 Take Another 'Whack Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces exactly one Web page on the Google search engine and describe the phrase. H H L
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H H H P
753 Hot Off The Riddle Supply a simple riddle and both the wholesome answer and the (printable) Invitational answer. I
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H H H W
748 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about a well-known personage who died in 2007. H H H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. L
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H H
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. H
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H
735 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731. H P
734 Turnaround Time Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other. H H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H I N
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. 3 P
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. H H
724 Abridged Too Far Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines. H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H P
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H H H H H H L
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on washingtonpost.com) H H
717 Pitch Us a No-Hitter Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits. P
716 The Hard Spell Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee. H H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H H
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
709 A Return Engagement Come up with some novel change to the tax code: a tax on something ought to be taxed, a credit for something that should be rewarded, what the $3 should go to instead of presidential campaigns, etc. H H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. P
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. H I
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. H
690 Funnies: How Time Flies Pull Billy of "The Family Circus" -- or any of his comic strip neighbors in The Washington Post -- out of his time warp to a different age, era or place, and provide a short storyline or dialogue or caption. H H
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H H W
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H
682 Punkin'd! Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring one or more pumpkins and/or other vegetables. P
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. P
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. 1 H H H H H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H I
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H H H H
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. H H H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
662 How Low Will You Go? Humiliate yourself for ink, and a stupid prize. I
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. 2 H
655 Laughing Inside Take any article appearing in The Washington Post or online on washingtonpost.com from today through April 3 -- the more serious and/or mundane its headline, the better -- and write a funny poem or other passage using only words that appear in that article. 2 H
654 It Plays to Recycle Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas. H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. 2 H
651 Show Us Some Character Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it. H H
650 King Us Give us a scenario for a horror novel based on an everyday item. H H
649 Across the Wide What? Give us some Virginia-appropriate lyrics for "Shenandoah." H H I
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. H
647 Paste Imperfect Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad. H H H H
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rules. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. H H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? H H H
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. H H I
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. H H H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H P
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. H H
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. P
622 Our Sunday Constitutional Write a new article or amendment to the Constitution, using on the words contained in the existing document (including amendments). H H I
621 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article in washingtonpost.com anytime through Aug. 8 and supply a question it could answer. H H
619 WordCount Us In Write a poem of no more than four lines containing four or more consecutive words on the WordCount list. They must occur in the sentence in the order they appear on the list. H H H N
617 Best the Best Write something about any famous personage that uses only the letters in his or her name. H H
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. 2
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. H H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. 2 I
609 A2D2 Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2. H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H H H
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. 3
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H
597 Eccchsibits Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital. I
596 Take Her Words for It Use the words of this week's Ask Amy advice column, as a pool from which to compose your own useful (or useless) thoughts. You may ignore or change capitalization or punctuation. H H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. I
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H
590 Send Us the Bill Come up with a bill sponsored by any combination of the newly elected members of Congress and explain the purpose of the bill. H H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. 1 H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
585 It's Parody Time Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular. H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. 1
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. H H
582 Perversery Rhymes Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. H H
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. H H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. H H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. H
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passages, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H W
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H H H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. P
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H I
566 Get Whack Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result. H
565 Anthem Is as Anthem Does Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune. H H
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. H
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. A H H H H
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. 1
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. H H H
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor in any of the provided genres. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H H
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant Neopets.com site. H
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. H
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. H
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. 4
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. 2
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. H I
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H
503 Doody and Muldoon Write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name. I

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]