PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR LAWRENCE MCGUIRE

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1288 Your resukts may vary Write a funny disclaimer or warning for some product or service. H
1285 That is so wrong! Supply a trivia question along with both the correct answer and a cleverly "wrong" guess. H
1281 We only have (googly) eyes for you Send us a photo of something that you have made funny by pasting googly eyes on it; funny titles and captions are optional. H
1278 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 68 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names, in the style of today's inking entries. H
1269 Mess with our (or other) heads Reinterpret (or comments wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) or another publication and dated March 1-12 by writing a bank head. H
1268 Playing pinocchio Tell us some humorously bogus trivia about the news media or the publishing or broadcasting industries. H H
1262 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply one or more creative clues for the provided filled-in crossword grid -- as many as 25 clues in all. H
1257 The year in redo, Part 1 Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1203 through Week 1229, except for Weeks 1205 and 1206. H
1255 Tour de Fours XIV: SANT is coming Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter-block S-A-N-T; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. H H
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H
1246 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or another publication, in print or online, dated Sept. 21-Oct. 2, and pair it with a question it might answer. H
1244 Primed for product reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H H
1228 That movie is SO about you Name someone who was the "secret inspiration" for a certain movie. 4 H H H H
1224 We beg you to differ Explain how any two (or more) items in the provided list are the same or different, or otherwise connected. H
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H
1216 As the word turns Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1215 A so-so contest (How so-so is it?) Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …" H
1213 Punku Write a haiku that incorporates a pun. H
1212 The Tile Invitational IV  Give us a five-, six- or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided sets and define it. H
1209 Invented facts: A fictoid contest Tell us a humorously untrue account of how a product or invention came to be, or got its name. H H
1203 You've got the powers Tell us what you would do if you had one or more of the six magical powers provided. H
1200 The definitive dozen Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words. H
1196 Hyphen the Terrible Combine either half of a hyphenated word or compound term with either half of another such term to create a new hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously. 4 H
1187 Just drop it, okay? Drop the last letter from an existing word, phrase or name and define the result. H H
1185 The Rorschach of the crowd Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways. H
1183 C'mon, be honest with us Write something in roughly the form "If X were more honest, (then) Y. H
1180 Strip search! Find a line of text from any comic strip or panel that appears on the Post's comics pages or on washingtonpost.com/comics, dated anywhere between June 16 and June 27, and either (a) supply a question that the original line could answer, or (b) follow it with your own line of dialogue or reply. H H H W
1176 Let 'er RIP: Write and obit line Write a humorous line or two for someone's obituary -- either for a particular person (dead or not) or for a fictional or generic one. H
1166 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in text (not a headline) in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated March 10-21 and make up a question that the sentence could answer H
1165 B all you can B Change a word, phrase or name by adding one or more B's, and/or by replacing one or more letters with B's, and define your new term. H
1164 'Wait Wait' for us Compose a multiple-choice question about a Ridiculous but True fact or event, with two entertaining wrong answers as well as the right one. One of the two wrong answers may be obviously untrue as long as it's funny. 3
1162 An 8-year Re-Onion Write a fictional Onion-type headline. 3
1153 Be three-paired Choose two or more entities represented by a single three-letter combination from IAA through LZZ, found at the provided link, and say how they are alike or different or have some connection. H
1152 Oops? You do it again. Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1098 through Week 1148, except for Week 1101, last year's do-over. H
1150 A deviant character Change the name of person or animal -- real or fictional -- by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting one letter for another; or switching the positions of two nearby letters, and describing the results. H
1149 Gestures of depreciation Suggest ways to celebrate National Love Your Lawyer Day -- or a made-up "holiday" celebrating some other profession. H
1147 It's E-Z find-a-word -- yours Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1146 Stick it to us with a magnet Suggest a new Style Invitational honorable-mention magnet. H
1145 A DICEy situation Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block D-I-C-E. 4
1143 Ask Backwards Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions. H
1142 Two-faced tweets Combine two well-known names into a Twitter handle, and write a tweet (no more than 140 characters and spaces) that that portmanteau person might write. H
1134 The 'Sty'le Invitational Red'ux' Put quotation marks around part of a word, name or phrase and define the result. H
1131 One man's trash Suggest a humorous way to reuse one or more of the items listed above -- or anything else advertised on RepurposedMaterialsinc.com. H
1128 Drone for a loop Give us some novel uses for a CICADA micro-drone, assuming that anyone can get one, and that it can have a micro-camera, micro-grips, etc. 3 W
1127 From the creators of … Think up a spinoff of a real TV series, past or present, and furnish a description of bit of dialogue. H
1123 The Tile Invitational III Give us a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided seven-letter sets. H
1121 The an(n)als of civilization Briefly describe some "bad day in history" -- you may be creative in what you classify as such -- and sum it up with a humorous heading. 4 H
1120 Celebrating our differences Each of the provided 17 items appeared in a different Style Invitational compare/contrast contest from 1996 to 2014. Explain how any two of the are alike or different or otherwise linked. H H
1118 Breed 'em and weep Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names. H
1112 Some SHARP words Coin a word or short term that includes all the letters S, H, A, R, and P. H
1106 Show your resolve Suggest a New Year's resolution that someone might make 100 or more years in the future. H
1102 Let's get Sirius Suggest a new radio channel and describe it. 4
1101 The year in redo Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1047 through Week 1097, except for Week 1050. H
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1097 Futz your sign Select a line from one of the horoscopes appearing anytime from Nov. 6 through Nov. 17 in the Washington Post's daily Style or on washingtonpost.com and "clarify" it with a translation or extra "information". H
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon. 3
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. 2
1089 It's E-Z Find-a-Word -- your own! Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplies answers as you like. 3 H
1087 The core ridiculum Come up with a comical class (any type of school) and provide a course catalog description. H H
1086 Playing the dozens 1. Start with any 12-letter word, name or multi-word phrase.
2. Add one letter OR drop one letter OR substitute another letter OR switch the position of two letters to create a new term, as in the examples given.
3. Define or describe the result humorously.
H
1083 Everybody get appy Offer up an idea for either a humorously useful app or a humorously counterproductive one. H
1072 The Tile Invitational Come up with a 5-, 6-, or 7-letter term by scrambling any of the given seven-letter ScrabbleGram sets, and define it. H
1067 A(t)tribute to your wit Alter a well-known quote slightly and attribute it to someone else. H H
1064 HistoRebuffs Alter some moment in history and tell us -- in no more than about 50 words -- the likely outcome. H
1063 Same difference Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different. H H
1061 Less taste, more fill-in Give us a novel clue for any word or phrase in which the remaining letters in the provided crossword puzzle fit, across or down. H
1060 Picture this Write a caption, or captions, for one or more of the provided cartoons. H H H
1059 With parens like these … Add some words in parentheses to a well-known song title to make it funnier in some way. 2 H H
1057 Sportin' lie Give us some fake sports trivia. H
1056 Weather or nuts Coin a term relating to the weather, climate, etc. -- either literal or figurative -- and define it. H
1055 Oh, K! This week, to commemorate both Kevin Dopart and his 1K ink blots: Change a word, phrase of name by adding one or more K's, and define your new term. H
1052 Clue us in Come up with up to 25 creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms that appear in the provided grid. H
1050 Just redo it Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1000 through Week 1046. H
1048 Ask Backwards You supply the questions to as many of the provided answers as you like. H
1039 Shookespeare Combine any of the words in Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" soliloquy, in any order, to create a humorous sentence or longer passage. H
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. H
1030 The cinquain feeling Write a clever cinquain. The five-line form is straightforward: first line, two syllables; second line, four syllables; third line, six; fourth line, eight; fifth line, two. H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H
1018 Reologisms Write a clever, funny definition for any of the Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. H
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. H
1014 Join now Combine the beginning and end, or the beginnings and ends, of any two words in single Washington Post story or ad published March 21 to April 1 into a new word or two-word phrase, and define the result. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1006 It's a ... a ... Create a new superhero (or due) and describe the superpower, or not-very-superpower. 4 H
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. H
1001 Make us ROFL Give us a funny, original acronym. H
999 Drectrospective Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 946 through Week 995, except for Week 948. H W
998 Set the law on us Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world. H
996 A Life-Time opportunity Combine two magazines or journals and describe the result, supply a marketing pitch, or suggest a story or two that it might publish. H H H
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. H
989 On the double Come up with a double or multiple profession, and explain how each job complements the other(s). H
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. H H
984 Another brilliant contest Write something whose words begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet. H
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. H
976 Join now! Combine the beginning and end of any two words or names in this week's Style Invitational or Style Conversational columns to make a new term, and define it. H
975 Gone mything Debunk a "Sixth Myth" about one of more of the recent "5 Myths" topics provided. H
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. H
971 Double booking Come up with a double book with a humorous connection; the first title must be an actual book, while the other may be your own fictitious title or a second real book. H
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. H H H
967 Overlap dance II Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result. H H
964 The Grossery Bag? Suggest a design and/or slogan to go on the side of the ardently desired Style Invitational Loser Bag. H H
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" who name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. H
960 Raving reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
958 All's Weller Write a "wellerism," a sentence that starts with a quote, often a short proverb, and goes on to include some sort of wordplay on something in the quote. 2
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H
950 Of all the nerve! Give us a humorous example of hypothetical chutzpah. H
937 Staake it to him Write a caption for any of the five pages or details pictured from some of Bob's more than 50 picture books. H
933 Stories that count (to 56) Write a humorous story in exactly 56 words. 2
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H
925 A remeaning task Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O. H
923 Chemical Wordfare Create a new chemical element or other chemical term. 4 H
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. H
912 Pair-a-phrase Lift a word that appears inside a longer word; pair it with the original word to create a phrase; and define it. H H
904 We move on back Move the first letter in a word or name to the end of that word and define the resulting word. 4
900 Dear us! Submit a "Dear Blank" letter to us instead. H
899 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
896 Other people's business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. 2
893 Give us a hint Write a humorously witty story in 25 words or fewer. H H
886 Look both ways Give us a new term that's a palindrome and define it. H
885 Mess with our heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head." H
880 Our greatest hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with Q, R or S; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter with another, or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. H
870 Let's play Nopardy Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question. H H
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
866 Natalie Portmanteau Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define (humorously, of course) the resulting phrase. 4 H
856 Titled Puerility Here are some untitled book covers. For any of them, tell us a title and synopsis of a book that will never by published. H
847 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from Dec. 11 through Dec. 21 and come up with a question it might answer. H H
846 Season's gratings Write a brief (50 words or fewer) holiday letter from a personage from past or present, or from fiction. H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H
832 Clue Us In You supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. H
828 Inhuman Puns Make a pun on the name of a familiar group, organization or company, and describe it or provide a quote from it. H
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. H
822 For Real Folks Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife. H
821 Spit the Difference How are any of the items on the list above alike or different? H H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. 4 H
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. H
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. 4 H H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H H
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. W
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. H H
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. H
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H H H
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. H
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, N and E. H
786 Top of the Staake So get your thoughts provoked for No. Umpteen of our cartoon caption contest. 2
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. M W
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. I
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. H
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. 2
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. 2
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. H H
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. I
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appear to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. H W
713 Painings Name and interpret any of the provided paintings by Fred Dawson. H
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? H
693 Everything Being Sequel Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie. H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H
688 Making Short Work Write a humorous six-word story. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
669 Huddled Messes Suggest some bad advice for new arrivals to this country (legal or illegal). H
666 Bedevil Us Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days. 3
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
654 It Plays to Recycle Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas. H
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. 1
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. H
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. H H
603 Sui Genesis Take one of two of the 50 chapters of the KJV Book of Genesis and draw thou from them, using words in the order in which they appear in the original, your own passage. H H
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
601 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote in response to one of the provided Editor's Query topics. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
579 Another Brilliant Contest! Do Enter! Write us a sentence or phrase consisting of words beginning with consecutive letters, in the A-to-Z direction. W
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]