PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR MARTY MCCULLEN

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1331 Paste Imperfect Choose a headline or sentence from The Post or another publication, print or online, dated May 9-20, 2019. Then change that headline or other text by:
     A. Deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it (put brackets around the deleted text);
     B. Adding up to 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad (write the additions in capital letters);
     or C. Both A and B, as long as the added text goes at the end of your headline or sentence.
H
1232 Picture this -- a caption contest Write a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1184 Plan C -- a third candidate? Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. H
1160 A remeaning task Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z. H
1025 In so many words Create an original backronym for a name or other term, especially one that's been in the news lately. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. H
925 A remeaning task Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O. H
907 Naming rite Come up with a creative, somehow fitting sponsor for some public facility or part of one. H
902 What's the good news? Take any sentence, or substantive part of a sentence, or a headline from an article or ad in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com from Jan. 7 to Jan. 18 and make it sound upbeat (or not so bad). H
901 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2010. H
898 Pre-current events Predict some humorous news event that would happen in 2011. H
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. H
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. H
831 A Big To-Do Name a "bucket list" item for a well-known real or fictional character. H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. H
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. H
793 Take The Fifth Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 725 through Week 789. Each entry must include the word "five" of "fifth" or something fiveish, or -- depending on your favorite anniversary tradition -- something involving (a) wood or (b) silverware. H
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. W
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
775 Ad-dition Combine the beginning and end of any two words appearing in any single advertisement in The Post or on washingtonpost.com, from today through Aug. 4, and then define the new word. H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H
761 Strip Mining Supply the text for any or all three of these Bob Staake comic strips. H
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. 3 H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on washingtonpost.com) H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
706 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24 through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H
696 Send Us the Bill Come up legislation the newly-elected members of Congress might sponsor together. H
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. H
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. W
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. H
647 Paste Imperfect Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad. 3
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H H H
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. 3 H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. H
627 Per-Verse Write a limerick or other short poem with comically awful rhyming. H H
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. H
622 Our Sunday Constitutional Write a new article or amendment to the Constitution, using on the words contained in the existing document (including amendments). H L W
621 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article in washingtonpost.com anytime through Aug. 8 and supply a question it could answer. H H H
615 Airy Persiflage Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement. H
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. H
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
609 A2D2 Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2. H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. 2
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H H
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H H
590 Send Us the Bill Come up with a bill sponsored by any combination of the newly elected members of Congress and explain the purpose of the bill. H
589 Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!) Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it. H
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. 1
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. 2
579 Another Brilliant Contest! Do Enter! Write us a sentence or phrase consisting of words beginning with consecutive letters, in the A-to-Z direction. H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. L
575 T Hee Hee Come up with new ideas for both front and back of the Loser T-shirts. 2 H H
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passages, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. H
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. H
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? 1
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. 1
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. H
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. H
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. H
500 Ergo-Nomics Create a sillygism--a syllogism that doesn't quite work. H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H
477 A Load of Bulwer Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel. 1

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]