PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR VALERIE MATTHEWS
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Key to Ink Types:
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Inkorporation--a change-one-letter contest
||Change the name of a present or past business, store or agency (not just a product) by adding one letter, deleting one letter, transposing two letters or substituting one letter for another.
||A lit obit of fun
||Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight lines about someone who died in 2014.
||Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal.
||MASH 2: The Retread
||Combine two movie titles and describe the result.
||We'll call them your-mama jokes
||Tell us an original "your mama" joke.
||A Banner Week
||Write entirely new, humorous lyrics to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner”; they can be on any subject.
||2 H |
||Give Us Willies
||Write an original Little Willie poem, perhaps reflecting our current era. This is a venerable four-line genre in which Master W. does some nasty thing and doesn't tend to learn to be a Good Boy by poem's end.
||Good Luck With 13
||Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result.
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May 2 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle.
||We Har the World
||Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States.
||Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product.
||H H H |
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal.
||What Would YOU Do?
||Use only the words appearing in "The Cat in the Hat" to create your own work of "literature" of no more than 75 words.
||Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about?
||Haven't Got a Clue
||Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words.
||Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket.
||Ticket to Write
||Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song.
||Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]