PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JIM MARTIN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- 8: 8th Runner-Up; awarded only 8 times, and all in the Czarist era. Last won by Peyton Coyner and Charlie Keatts in Week 193.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Clue Us In
||Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache.
||Making Short Work
||Write a humorous six-word story.
||Give Us a Bad Name
||Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one.
||A Nice Pair of Cities
||Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake.
||No Rest for the Query
||Come up with a vexing, funny question about life.
||Do You Mindset?
||Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020.
||2 H |
||Ism This Stupid?
||Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term.
||A Kinder, Gender Nation
||Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine.
||CAN YOU BEAT THIS?
||Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another.
||H H |
||Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form.
||H H H |
||Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217.
||NO QUESTION ABOUT IT
||Come up with truly stupid questions.
||GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS
||Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest.
||TIED TO BE FIT
||Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections.
||Take any well-known colorful expression, and modernize it.
||THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES
||Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects.
||Come up with bills any of the new members of Congress might jointly sponsor.
||CAN YOU STOP THIS?
||Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room.
||WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I?
||Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces.
||Make up a knock-knock joke. The subject of the third line must be something crude, silly, or profound.
||What are the people saying?
||IT'S LIKE THIS
||Produce an A and B to complete the expression "A makes about as much sense as B."
||Come up with ways to raise some badly needed cash for the District of Columbia.
||GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS
||Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power.
||THE WASHINGTON IRVINGS
||Come up with creative names for the high school football teams of real towns in America.
||In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say?
||YOU GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS
||The back of the shirt needs a slogan, something that captures the spirit of The Style Invitational. What is that spirit? You tell us.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]