PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR TOMMY LITZ

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. H H
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. H H H W
192 HILL'S BILLS Come up with bills any of the new members of Congress might jointly sponsor. W
179 A CLOCKWORK, UM, UM, ... ER Write single sentences containing no fewer than three examples of rhyming slang. W
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. H
173 DEAD RECKONING Propose a question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us the question. H
171 ON SECOND THOUGHT Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason. H H
170 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Why are these people smiling? H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
165 WHEEL OF TORTURE Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases. H H
164 MEAN MEANINGS Translate things politicians say into what they really mean. H
163 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces. 3 H H H
162 MAY WE HAVE YOUR PRETENSION, PLEASE? Come up with the most pretentious original sentence possible. H W
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. H
155 COMPARISON SHOPPING Explain the difference between any two of the above items. H
154 ENTER LAUGHING Make up a knock-knock joke. The subject of the third line must be something crude, silly, or profound. L
152 WE ARE CURIOUS (YELLOW) Take any headline in today's Washington Post and rewrite it in tabloid fashion so the story seems a lot more scandalous and/or lurid than it is. H
150 TRIAL BALLOONS What are the people saying? H
149 O, NO! Come up with a palindrome, a line that reads the same backward and forward, and then use it as a punchline to a joke. 2 H H H H L
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up with original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept without a word to define it, and pairs it with a perfectly good but underutilized word that just loafs around on maps and street signs. 2 H H H H
145 LOOIE, LOOIE Come up with paired, themed ladies' room and men's room signs for various types of public places. H H
140 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY? Come up with "What-If" scenarios and logical outcomes. H
139 EMPLOYMENT LINES Come up with jobs that make even your crummy job seem good. H
136 NEW END IN SIGHT Come up with new endings to make literary classics more suitable for Hollywood in the 1990s. H
135 JERRY-BUILT SOLUTIONS Come up with Seinfeld-isms: whiny, quirky musings on little questions of life. 1 H
133 LIKE, WOW. Come up with funny analogies. H
132 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS. What should our loser's T-shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. H H H H
131 DROODLEYSQUAT Come up with "droodles," simple geometric drawings with funny explanations. H
130 NICELY STATED Create a fictional city to be humorously paired with a real state abbreviation. A W
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. H
125 ASK BACKWARD VI You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]