PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR STEPHEN LITTERST
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- I: Idea for Contest.
||Your results may vary
||Write a funny disclaimer or warning for some product or service.
||Restocking the Cabinet
||Explain why a particular person -- or thing -- ought to fill a Cabinet post or other U.S. government position.
||The year in redo, Part 2
||Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1230 through Week 1254.
||Primed for product reviews
||Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon.
||Give us a "then/now" joke.
||H H |
||Who's kidding whom?
||Take two people from history, past or present, and tell what their child would be like
||Mess with our heads
||Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle
||Let 'er RIP: Write an obit line
||Write a humorous line or two for someone's obituary -- either for a particular person (dead or not) or for a fictional or generic one.
||Give us four Pinocchios
||Tell us some false "facts" about politicians, present or past.
||Mess with our heads
||Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online) Sept. 17-28 by writing a bankhead, or subtitle.
||Write a very short four-line “poem” promoting a product or company, or offering advice to drivers; the poem must rhyme, in ABAB or ABCB rhyme scheme. A fifth, non-rhyming line may state the product name or a conclusion.
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May 2 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle.
||The Shill Game
||Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company.
||Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls
||Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term.
||Mess With Our Heads
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle.
||Just Sign This
||Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign.
||Show Us Some Character
||Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it.
||Winter Limp Picks
||Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rules. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports.
||Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result.
||God's Will (and Won't)
||Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----."
||Redefine any word from the dictionary.
||The 97.5-Meter Dash
||Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]