PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR ARTHUR LITOFF
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- P: Prize donation.
||Pitch Us a No-Hitter
||Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits.
||Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound.
||Everything Being Sequel
||Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie.
||Give us a scenario for a horror novel based on an everyday item.
||So Zoo Us
||Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it.
||You Gotta Have Heart
||Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another.
||Write a joke with a punch line depending on knowledge so esoteric that it requires an asterisked explanation.
||Give us the beginning of any well-known story as retold by any famous person, living or dead, except for Ronald Reagan.
||Take any letter from today's advice columns and answer it in the voice of someone famous, living or dead.
||Make great literature and/or a significant expression of the human condition out of the provided randomly-selected words. Use whatever punctuation you choose and any of the words, but only those words, and use them only once.
||Life in the Blurbs
||Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect.
||The Game of Clue
||What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations?
||A Kinder, Gender Nation
||Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine.
||Produce a haiku using only words found in today's Washington Post. Your entry must have three lines, the first containing exactly five syllables, the second containing exactly seven syllables, the third containing exactly five.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]