||Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound.
||Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring kitchen utensils and/or small household tools.
||1 H |
||Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references.
||H H |
||Another Game of Tag
||Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional.
||Let's Get Personnel
||Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer.
||We Beg You To Differ
||Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar.
||Haven't Got a Clue
||Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words.
||Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket.
||What Were They Thinking?
||Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A.
||Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for.
||Thank it Over
||Tell us some things to be thankful for.
||What a Piece of Work
||String together words in a single scene, or two consecutive scenes, of "Hamlet" to produce one or more funny sentences, preferably unrelated to the original content. The words must appear in the order in which they appear in the play.
||H W |
||Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring one or more pumpkins and/or other vegetables.
||H H |
||A Thousand Times?! No!
||Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails.
||Name Any Good Movies Lately?
||Give us a funny new title for an existing movie.
||It's Post Time
||Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined.
||Tour de Fours II
||Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order.
||Oh, and One More Thing
||What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list?
||Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions.
||Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2.
||1 H |
||Contest Fodder Created!
||Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events.
||1 H |
||Truly Stupendous Ideas
||Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different.
||Fun for the Roses
||Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces.
||Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution.
||3 H H ||
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]