PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PAUL KOCAK

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1456 The hunting of the snark Ask an insulting rhetorical question in the form (or a variation) of "Is that your _______ or _______?" H
1451 Could have said it worse ourselves Give us a humorously bad "first draft" of a famous line from history, literature or entertainment. H
1253 Fashion x fiction: More fake trivia Tell us some totally bogus trivia about clothing or fashion. H
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplied answers as you like. H
1082 Band on the pun Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly -- not necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it's obvious what the original is -- and describe it in some way. H
890 Double-teaming Combine the names of any two pro sports teams -- even from different sports -- and describe the result. H
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H
693 Everything Being Sequel Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie. H
654 It Plays to Recycle Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas. M
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). 3
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. H H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H H
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
537 The New York Post Liven up any article appearing in The Washington Post or its Web site over the next eight days by giving it an irresponsibly sensationalistic headline. 2 H
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. H
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. H
521 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word in today's Washington Post (or Tuesday's USA Today) and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and define the new word it produces. H H
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
498 Unamazing But True! Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way. H H
492 Cheap Tricks Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times. H
490 Eyes on Reprise Submit any good entries you might have thought of, for any previous contest, after the deadline passed. H
465 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed. H
463 Retell Sales Give us the beginning of any well-known story as retold by any famous person, living or dead, except for Ronald Reagan. H
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. 2
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H
429 Shark Instruments Tell us what would be a sign that any current institution--TV show, newspaper feature, magazine, business, etc.--has jumped the shark. T
414 No Rest for the Query Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down. W
409 Nice Job, if You Get It Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer. 1 H
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H
405 The "Sty"le Invitational Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling. H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. H
368 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H
361 Bad Libs Select one subject, one verb, and one object from the provided lists, and then answer the riddle you create. H
359 It's No Party Come up with a new political party and its main political tenet. 2
357 Coming to a Bad End Take some immortal line from literature or film and ruin it by adding a short phrase or sentence. H
356 Med Icks Invent a clever name for a new medical product, and specify the condition it would treat. H
352 A Laff Riot Take the name of a company and/or its commercial product and provide it a new definition. 1
350 Employing Irony Propose bad career choices. H
349 Orienting Oneself Produce a haiku using only words found in today's Washington Post. Your entry must have three lines, the first containing exactly five syllables, the second containing exactly seven syllables, the third containing exactly five. H
345 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H H
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H
323 THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD INVITATIONAL Come up with not-quite-ready inventions, past or present. H
310 IT'S LIKE THIS Come up with really lame analogies. H
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 4
300 A BRAND NEW CONTEST Come up with celebrity-brand products. H
299 ANOTHER LEFTIST RAG Write the day's tabloid headlines with your left hand only. (This means you can use no keys to the right of 6, T, G and B.) H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. H
276 SPIT THE DIFFERENCE Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
274 THE DROLL OF A LIFETIME Be the New Yorker comics editor, and explain to readers of The Washington Post why the provided jokes are charmingly witty. H
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H H H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. 1 H
257 LET US PLAY Create a game, or a prank, that can be played using any two or more of the provided objects. H
254 DOUBLE JEOPARDY! Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and make up a question to which it could be a plausible answer. 3 H
243 VERSE THAN EVER Write a rhyming poem of two to eight lines as a tribute to someone famous who died in 1997, the more awful the better. We will particularly value rhymes that thud, and extremes of emotion and sentiment. H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. H
233 SEEKING PARODY Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer. H
226 GOING WITHOUT Complete some variation of the expression "An A without a B is like a C without a D." H
222 TRIP DEUCES Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. H
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. H
206 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE II Create a new word by combining the first half of any hyphenated word in today's newspaper with the second half of any other hyphenated word elsewhere in the same story, and supply a definition. H
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. 2 H
190 OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE Come up with a Principle for the Workplace. H
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. L
156 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Create new word by combining the first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of a hyphenated word. Both words must appear in the same story anywhere in today's Washington Post. Each entry must provide a definition for the newly created word. H
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up with original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept without a word to define it, and pairs it with a perfectly good but underutilized word that just loafs around on maps and street signs. 3 H
146 IT'S LIKE THIS Produce an A and B to complete the expression "A makes about as much sense as B." H
130 NICELY STATED Create a fictional city to be humorously paired with a real state abbreviation. H
120 SIMILE OUTRAGEOUS Come up with inept analogies, rotten comparisons as a literary device. H
118 WEAK 118 Take any photo caption or headline appearing anywhere in today's Post and alter its meaning by adding, deleting, or changing one letter. H
108 NEAR MISSES Come up with the first drafts of great lines in history, entertainment or literature. 2

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]