PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DREW KNOBLAUCH

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1245 Call us reprehensible Complain in a humorously missing-the-point way about something that has appeared in The Washington Post (in print or online) recently, or in another publication. H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H
930 We WANT stupid complaints! Complain comically unreasonably about some innocuous thing appearing in the print Post or on washingtonpost.com over the next week or the previous few days. 3
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. 3
908 Recast away Fire an actor or actress from a movie or TV show, past or present, and offer a replacement for the role. 4
906 Your mug here Give us a new design for the Loser Mug. H H
904 We move on back Move the first letter in a word or name to the end of that word and define the resulting word. H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H
539 Dead Letters Pay tribute in verse to someone who died in 2003. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H W
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
524 Around Things Moving Take the title of any book or movie, rearrange the words, and explain what the new book or movie is about. H
521 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word in today's Washington Post (or Tuesday's USA Today) and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and define the new word it produces. H H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession, to form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H
423 Roling With Laughter Take a character from one movie, use him or her to replace a character in a second movie, and then explain how this change would affect the second movie. H
416 Diff'rent Jokes Describe how things might have been different if a famous person, living or dead, had had one of the provided conditions. H W
415 Sentence Us to Death Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and invent a question that it answers. 2 H H
392 Everyone's a Comic Choose any panel of any comic strip in today's Washington Post and improve it by replacing the original speech and thought balloons with your own, H W
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H
326 COMIC RELIEF Look at today's comics pages, select one panel and one panel only from any comic strip, and rewrite the dialogue. H
322 YOU NAME IT Take a well known pair or group of names, extend one of them in some manner, and explain how the group dynamic changes. H
255 SCANDAL IN THE WIND Each of the provided items is somehow related to the current presidential scandal. Tell us how. W
238 CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard. H
234 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Complete any of the provided jokes as it would be told by someone famous, living or dead. H H
231 GIVING QUARTER Suggest a motto for the "tails" side of any of the state-themed quarters. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]