||Frittering away the neurons
||Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form.
||Your Mug Here
||Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt.
||Full Steam Ahead
||Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist.
||Haven't Seen It
||Make up a new plot for an existing movie title.
||THE WORLD THEORIES
||Codify some of life's more populist theories.
||H H |
||Come up with "uh-oh" lines, statements that occur in the middle of a seemingly benign speech or conversation, suddenly alerting the listener that he is about to hear some bad news.
||CAMPAIGN FOR ONE
||Design a line for Niels Hoven to deliver in his campaign for a student government office that will wake up a snoozing audience.
||WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II
||Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome.
||YOU CAN TAKE IT TO DEBUNK
||Take a common slogan or saying and prove it wrong with at least one example.
||Come up with Deep Thoughts, in the style of Jack Handey of "Saturday Night Live." A Deep Thought is a short, simple, seemingly inspirational observation that winds up being cynical, ironic, or just plain weird.
||Propose a question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us the question.
||LIST BUT NOT LEAST
||Come up with Top-10-style lists for any of the above four subjects.
||NEW END IN SIGHT
||Come up with new endings to make literary classics more suitable for Hollywood in the 1990s.
||Come up with funny analogies.
||WEST EASY, ANN
||Come up with good things about West Virginia, in 50 words of fewer.
||SEEKING SMART MORONS
||Come up with an oxymoron for our times, an expression made bogus by the fact that it combines incompatible, contradictory ideas.
||THE SON-OF-SMITH LAW
||In 50 words or fewer, what do we do about the Chuck Smith problem?
||BAD ABOUT YOU
||Come up with a lame idea for a Style Invitational contest, an idea destined to create unfunny results.
||BAD NEWS BEARERS
||Come up with statements one would not want to hear from friends, relatives, service personnel, etc.
||CALLING THE TOON
||Who are these people, and what are they doing?
||Send us self-serving moral loopholes through which the enterprising 1990s transgressor can crawl.
||Write comical combinations of famous names, by marriage or other conceit.
||CAPTION CRUNCH, VOL. II
||Supply captions for any of these pictures.
||A SLALOM OCCASION
||Come up with events for a Washington Olympics. They can be winter or summer sports, based on bureaucracy or other themes peculiar to Washington, and must include a brief description of the event.
||Design a Style Invitational bumper sticker to be awarded to all Honorable Mentions.
||NOT WRONG. JUST INCORRECT.
||What's next on the political correctness agenda?
||WAY OUTSIDE THE LINES
||Name a new crayon color for the 1990s, with a description.
||SCAM ON WRY
||Come up with a prank you can play, for fun, profit, or deliverance of a well-needed comeuppance.
||INVITATION TO A DUAL
||Divide the world into two types of people.
||THE RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD
||Interpret any of the provided ink blots.
||Come up with slogans for the 1996 presidential campaign.
||Rewrite 60-year-old cartoons, filling in your own balloons, to make them funnier and more timely.
||REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM
||Come up with an easy way to reduce the federal deficit, in 20 words or fewer.
||H W |
||I AM ADDICTED TO AN ASININE CONTEST…
||Come up with sleazy new topics for the daytime talks.