PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR ANDREA KELLY

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1080 McGonagall with the windiness Memorialize a modern "tragedy" in a poem burdened with hilariously overwrought verse; lame, forced rhymes; and painfully uneven meter. Get the badness across in one verse of no more than eight lines. P
1049 Be rating Come up with a new movie rating and describe it. P
1036 Just for liffs Use a real place name, from anywhere in the world, as a new term. H
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. H
1028 Joint Legislation Combine the names of two or more of the First Congress senators and/or representatives to create "joint legislation". H
1004 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012. P
991 Tour de Fours IX Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T, and E and define it. P
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. P
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. P
971 Double booking Come up with a double book with a humorous connection; the first title must be an actual book, while the other may be your own fictitious title or a second real book. P
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. 2
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H H H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). 4
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H H
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. H H
774 Tour De Forks Supply a name for a restaurant dish named after someone (or some product or organization) and describe it. H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H H
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? W
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. H
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. H
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. 3
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H
413 Bland Ambition Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions. H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
296 BILL US LATER Choose among the names of any of the newly elected U.S. senators or representatives and propose a bill they might sponsor. H
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]