PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR KEN KAUFMAN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Dead Letters, our obit poem contest
||Write a poem of eight lines or fewer (plus an optional title) about someone who died in 2019.
||H H |
||Eat our dust!
||Write a limerick humorously describing a book, play, movie, or TV show.
||Clue Us In
||Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache.
||Create a list of 25 names, each linked in some way to the name before, and you must begin and end with Mary Ann Madden.
||A LOVER'S SPAT
||Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice.
||Suggest a motto for the "tails" side of any of the state-themed quarters.
||Propose a question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us the question.
||WHEEL OF TORTURE
||Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases.
||1 H |
||SEEKING WISE GUYS
||Come up with cool new bad-guy terms.
||Who are these people, and what are they doing?
||Come up with the perfect vision of Hell for a famous person, living or dead.
||SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA
||Come up with jokes based on noises.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]