PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR THAD HUMPHRIES
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- P: Prize donation.
||Fictoids of Columbia
||Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area.
||Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoons.
||You're only as rich as you fee
||What are some really bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks?
||Safety in blunders
||Tell us a way to make the nation more secure.
||We Get a C-Section
||Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move.
||Thank it Over
||Tell us some things to be thankful for.
||Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions.
||Contest Fodder Created!
||Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events.
||Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings.
||Deliver Us a Post
||Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities.
||Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it.
||A Running Gag
||Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign.
||Redefine any word from the dictionary.
||The 97.5-Meter Dash
||Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time.
||Suggest creative uses for things you've already used, or never will use, or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination.
||It All Impends
||Tell us what is something unusual about to happen in the provided cartoons.
||NERD PLANET FROM THE SUN
||Come up with comments from the Nerd Side even less interesting than the observation that the 21st century doesn't really start until 2001.
||BOOKS AND BOOKS
||Combine any two works of literature--no movies or TV--into one, give its title and describe it in a brief, appealing blurb that might appear in Publishers' Weekly.
||A BRAND NEW CONTEST
||Come up with celebrity-brand products.
||THE GAME OF THE NAME
||Propose a bad name for the provided categories.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]