PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR SANDRA HULL

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1456 The hunting of the snark Ask an insulting rhetorical question in the form (or a variation) of "Is that your _______ or _______?" H
1449 Let's have a get-together Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define or "quote" the resulting phrase or name. H
1437 One-offs: A 'typo' neologism contest You're a fat-fingered typist: Change a word, name or phrase by either adding or substituting one letter that's adjacent (in any direction) to the original one on a regular QWERTY keyboard, or by doubling the correct letter. H
1190 You're workin' on a chain, gang Create a chain of no more than 15 proper nouns names of people (real or fictional), products, places, etc. including one title of a work in which each name relates somehow to the previous one. H H I
1067 A(t)tribute to your wit Alter a well-known quote slightly and attribute it to someone else. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. H
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. P
921 Give Us Willies Write an original Little Willie poem, perhaps reflecting our current era. This is a venerable four-line genre in which Master W. does some nasty thing and doesn't tend to learn to be a Good Boy by poem's end. H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. 1
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
449 Cut and Pastiche Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in today's Post. You cannot subdivide words. H H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H H H H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. H H
425 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word from any story in today's newspaper and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and propose a definition of the new word you've created. H H
414 No Rest for the Query Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down. H H H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. H H
399 IT PAYS TO BE GENDEROUS Write a short film description that could persuade a woman that the guy movie he wants to see is really close to being a gal movie, or vice versa. 2 H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H
389 Operation Overkill Present a solution to a problem that goes just a little too far. H H H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
383 A Kinder, Gender Nation Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine. H
374 Bill Us Later Take a well-known expression and update it for the new millennium. H
373 An Extra Large Challenge What should we put on the back of the new Style Invitational T-shirt? H
372 Trial Balloons Fill in the balloons. H
371 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
370 No End in Sight Write the beginnings of sentences you don't want to hear the end of. H
368 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. 1 H
360 No Competition Create a list of 25 names, each linked in some way to the name before, and you must begin and end with Mary Ann Madden. 2 H
359 It's No Party Come up with a new political party and its main political tenet. H H
358 Finish the Fire Finish "We Didn't Start the Fire," to summarize 1990 to the present. H
351 Dubya Fun Take any well-known statement, expression, slogan, etc., and rewrite it the way Dubya might have said it. H H
350 Employing Irony Propose bad career choices. H
343 Eastwood Ho. Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression. 5 H
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H W
335 A LOVER'S SPAT Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice. H H
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H
328 NICE CAPADES Send in some pleasant observation, in which you take a really cheerful or heartwarming view of something that less charitable people might conceivably see differently. H H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
323 THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD INVITATIONAL Come up with not-quite-ready inventions, past or present. H H
319 REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY Create an original chiasmus, an ancient literary form in which meaning is derived by pairing two words or phrases, and then reversing their order. H
318 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H H H H
317 PICK US A WINNER Come up with flawed contest ideas, and the single, obvious, too-good-to-beat entry. 2
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? W
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series of other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. 4
312 BOOKS AND BOOKS Combine any two works of literature--no movies or TV--into one, give its title and describe it in a brief, appealing blurb that might appear in Publishers' Weekly. H H
310 IT'S LIKE THIS Come up with really lame analogies. H
309 A STINKING PILE OF THESES Write an all-purpose first line or paragraph for any doctoral dissertation, designed to impress the heck out of academics. H
307 IF YOU BOYCOTT THIS TASK / YOU WON'T WIN THE FLASK Come up with rhyming couplets to warn us about the perils of modern life. H
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
304 TIME OF THE SIGNS Come up with appropriate signage to appear outside any business or retail establishment in the Washington area, including government offices. H H H H
303 BOOM TIMES Come up with old and new concerns for the baby boom generation. H H
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? 1
300 A BRAND NEW CONTEST Come up with celebrity-brand products. E
298 THE RIGHT STUFF Write a sentence, or phrase, or entire passage, using only your right hand on the keyboard. This means you may use no keys to the left of N, H, Y and 7. H H H
296 BILL US LATER Choose among the names of any of the newly elected U.S. senators or representatives and propose a bill they might sponsor. P
294 PRODUCT LIARBILITY Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it. H
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. 2 H
291 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Take any story in today's paper, find a word that breaks with a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of different hyphenated word in the same story. Then supply a definition for the new hybrid word. H
289 PLAY IT AGAIN, SHAM Submit entries to any previous contest, ideas you might have thought of after the contest deadline had passed. H
288 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these pictures? 1 H
287 BEFORE AND AFTERMATH Begin with a real name, append to it a word, name or expression that completes the bridge, and finally define the resulting phrase. 4
285 ELEVENIS, ANYTWO? Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase. H
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
283 UH-OH Come up with "uh-oh" lines, statements that occur in the middle of a seemingly benign speech or conversation, suddenly alerting the listener that he is about to hear some bad news. E
282 TAKING SNIDES Take any story anywhere in today's Post and append to it a single snide observation, concerning either the headline or the text of the story. H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. H H
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. H H H H
277 LIFE IN THE BLURBS Come up a simple plot summary to help attract the modern audience to any classic work of fiction. It must be literally true and defensible. H H H H
276 SPIT THE DIFFERENCE Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H P
274 THE DROLL OF A LIFETIME Be the New Yorker comics editor, and explain to readers of The Washington Post why the provided jokes are charmingly witty. W
269 SIGNS, AND THE TIMES Come up with new, helpful signage for downtown streets. You must state the problem, and propose the sign to rectify it. H
268 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the names of this year's Triple Crown nominees, mate any two of them, a propose a name for the foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 characters, including spaces. H H H
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. 2 H
257 LET US PLAY Create a game, or a prank, that can be played using any two or more of the provided objects. E
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. H
253 IT'S A PITY Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is. H
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. 2 H
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if " H H
246 OUR OWN DEVICES What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer. H
245 LIKE FUN Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences. 4 H H
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. 3
242 SACRED COW PIES Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided. 3 H
241 CAN YOU BEAT THIS? Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another. 2 H H H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. 3
238 CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard. H
233 SEEKING PARODY Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer. 1
230 TALES FROM THE CRYPTOGRAM Take any proper noun--a person, a book, a movie, whatever--and create for it an appropriate cryptogram. H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H H
222 TRIP DEUCES Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H H H
221 SONG SUNG BROWN Pick any song, pick a well-known line, and give us the discarded first draft. If it is part of a rhyme, you must maintain the rhyme. H I
219 VERBOSITY Come up with new, obnoxious, self-conscious faux verbs and use them in sentences. H
213 A SIN OF THE TIMES Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical. 2
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars." H W
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. P
210 RANDOM MEMO Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks. H
206 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE II Create a new word by combining the first half of any hyphenated word in today's newspaper with the second half of any other hyphenated word elsewhere in the same story, and supply a definition. H
204 DOUBLE EXPRESSO Take any well-known colorful expression, and modernize it. 1 H
201 THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE Come up with a new element and its symbol, and provide a brief description of its chemical or physical properties. H
198 YOU MUST BE MAD II Come up with proposals designed to infuriate special interest groups. H H H H
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. H H
194 ADVICE SQUAD Answer any of the provided questions unwisely. H
193 ASK BACKWARDS VIII You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. H
190 OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE Come up with a Principle for the Workplace. 4 H
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. H
186 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
176 WRITE IN THE KISSER In the style of any famous author, write a description of any one of these people: Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Prince Charles or Sylvester Stallone. H
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. H
172 POEDTRY An entire poetic form, making its global debut in the Style Invitational. The first line must contain only six words of one syllable each; the second line, three words of two syllables each; the third line, two words of three syllables each, and the final line a single word of six syllables. At least two lines must rhyme. The general subject matter should be mundane. H
170 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Why are these people smiling? 1 H H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 5
165 WHEEL OF TORTURE Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases. H H H
162 MAY WE HAVE YOUR PRETENSION, PLEASE? Come up with the most pretentious original sentence possible. 4 H
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. H H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]