PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR ANDREW HOENIG

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1256 Picture this -- a caption contest Provide a funny caption for any of the provided cartoons. H
1233 Not TheLoserCommunity getsaweekoff(actually two)fromwritingcontest entriesandwillhaveto findsomethingelsetodo duringstaffmeetings, sermons,romantic breakups,etc. H
1226 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 61 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents names. H H
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H
1190 You're workin' on a chain, gang Create a chain of no more than 15 proper nouns names of people (real or fictional), products, places, etc. including one title of a work in which each name relates somehow to the previous one. P
1170 Derby or not Derby "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1158 What have we here? Tell us what one or more of these objects really are. H
1157 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1126 Picture this Provide a humorous caption for any of the cartoons provided. H H
1118 Breed 'em and weep Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names. M
1108 Hearts of dorkness Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic. H
1066 It's mating season "Breed" any two from the provided list of 100 of the 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. H
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. H
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H I
918 Colt Following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, or one foal with one of the real horse names used in today's entries--and name the "grandfoal." The name may not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn't remotely duplicate any of today's results. H T
914 Foaling around Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. M
909 Reprizing Suggest humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. 4 H
903 Bill us now Combine the names of two or more members of Congress as co-sponsors of a bill. H
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. H
867 Back in the saddle Breed any two of the foals in today's results -- OR one foal with one of the actual horses used in today's entries, and name the grandfoal. H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H T
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. M
838 Picture This Provide a caption for any of these pictures. W
837 Strip Search Combine two comic strips that appear in The Washington Post or at washingtonpost.com/comics and describe the results. P
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H H H H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. 2
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H T
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. P
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. H
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, I, N and E. M
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. I
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H H
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. P
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. H
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. P
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. 1
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H H
720 The Course of Humor Events Sum up a historical event in a two-line rhyme or other clever and pithy epigram. H H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H H H
716 The Hard Spell Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee. I
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H H M
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H H
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
693 Everything Being Sequel Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie. H
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H I
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H H
682 Punkin'd! Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring one or more pumpkins and/or other vegetables. H
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. H H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H T
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H H H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. 2
651 Show Us Some Character Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it. H
650 King Us Give us a scenario for a horror novel based on an everyday item. 2 H I
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rules. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. H H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. 1
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. H
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. H
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. H I
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]