PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JOHN HELD

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. H H
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. H H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H H H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. 3 3 H H
726 Limerixicon 4 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. H H
695 Dead Letters Write a poem about someone who died in 2006. H H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. 1 1
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. H H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H H
585 It's Parody Time Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular. H H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. H H
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. H H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H H H
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sounds as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H H
470 Czar Har Take the name of someone famous, rhyme it with a product, and describe the unholy union. H H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. H H H H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H H
424 Osama Chanted Evening Write poems about Osama bin Laden. H H
405 The "Sty"le Invitational Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling. H H
381 Idiom Savant Take any well-known idiom, or expression, and invent an interesting derivation for it. H H
362 Something Missing Tell us what is missing in each of the provided cartoons. H H
352 A Laff Riot Take the name of a company and/or its commercial product and provide it a new definition. H H H H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H H
337 DEGREES OF DIFFICULTY Take a quality you wish to quantify and devise the perfect icon to measure it. Then give us an example of the extremes. H H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]