PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR MIKE HAMMER

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1345 The confaketionary -- food fictoids Tell us some comically false "fact" about food, drink or dining. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H H
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H
918 Colt Following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, or one foal with one of the real horse names used in today's entries--and name the "grandfoal." The name may not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn't remotely duplicate any of today's results. H
901 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2010. H
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H H
794 Ripped Off From the Headlines Send us some Onion-type headlines. H H H H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H H
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H H H I
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. H H
511 It All Impends Tell us what is something unusual about to happen in the provided cartoons. H
501 Questionable Sentences Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question. H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H H I
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. H H H
461 Punch Us Again Take any comic from the daily Washington Post during the next week and make it better by changing the contents of the final word balloon. 4 H
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H H W
456 A Bad-Ask Contest You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers. H H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H H I
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? 4 H H
426 Captions Courageous Take any photograph or illustration from today's Washington Post and give it a more interesting caption. H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H H H H
378 Bill Us Now Come up with a bill sponsored by any of the newly elected U.S. senators and representatives, and explain the purpose of the bill. H
369 Punch Us Complete any of the provided jokes. 2
360 No Competition Create a list of 25 names, each linked in some way to the name before, and you must begin and end with Mary Ann Madden. H
345 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? 1 H
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. H I
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H
320 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H I
299 ANOTHER LEFTIST RAG Write the day's tabloid headlines with your left hand only. (This means you can use no keys to the right of 6, T, G and B.) H
298 THE RIGHT STUFF Write a sentence, or phrase, or entire passage, using only your right hand on the keyboard. This means you may use no keys to the left of N, H, Y and 7. H
268 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the names of this year's Triple Crown nominees, mate any two of them, a propose a name for the foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 characters, including spaces. H I
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. H H
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. H
241 CAN YOU BEAT THIS? Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another. 7
237 ASK BACKWARD You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
230 TALES FROM THE CRYPTOGRAM Take any proper noun--a person, a book, a movie, whatever--and create for it an appropriate cryptogram. H
222 TRIP DEUCES Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H
218 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. H H
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars." 2
177 SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE Tell us what any of the provided sounds are. 1
163 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces. I
155 COMPARISON SHOPPING Explain the difference between any two of the above items. H
152 WE ARE CURIOUS (YELLOW) Take any headline in today's Washington Post and rewrite it in tabloid fashion so the story seems a lot more scandalous and/or lurid than it is. H W
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up with original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept without a word to define it, and pairs it with a perfectly good but underutilized word that just loafs around on maps and street signs. 6
121 IT'S NO USE Come up with useless products. H
115 THE MNEMONIC PLAGUE Come up with new mnemonic devices to remember complicated lists. H
113 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take a list of horses nominated to the Triple Crown races this year, choose any two, and propose a name for their offspring. I
95 HOW'S THAT AGAIN? Take any headline appearing anywhere in The Post this week and completely rewrite the first lines of the story to put a different, unintended spin on it. H
84 THE WASHINGTON IRVINGS Come up with creative names for the high school football teams of real towns in America. H H
38 ASK BACKWARDS II You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? 3 H
11 YOU GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS The back of the shirt needs a slogan, something that captures the spirit of The Style Invitational. What is that spirit? You tell us. L
5 THERE OUGHT TO BE A LAW Invent a creative piece of legislation based on skillfully juxtaposed names of actual U.S. senators and representatives. 4

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]