PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR MARK A. HAGENAU
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- 5: 5th Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Nan Reiner in Week 1152.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- L: "And Last".
||Who's kidding whom?
||Take two people from history, past or present, and tell what their child would be like
||Breed 'em and weep
||Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names.
||Good idea! or not.
||Come up with a good idea and, through a small change in wording, a bad idea.
||It's mating season
||"Breed" any two from the provided list of 100 of the 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown and name the foal to reflect both names.
||Write a "univocalic" newspaper headline -- one that uses only one vowel throughout.
||It's Post time
||Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal.
||2 H |
||Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person.
||Know Your Market
||For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News.
||Our Sunday Constitutional
||Write a new article or amendment to the Constitution, using on the words contained in the existing document (including amendments).
||Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-.
||Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result.
||Love the Tiny Tail Stain
||Write an anagram based on a name or event that's been in the news recently.
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces.
||A Nice Pair of Cities
||Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake.
||Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column.
||Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have.
||Hard to Overstate
||Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be.
||A Bad-Ask Contest
||You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers.
||2 H |
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Those are the answers. What are the questions?
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]