PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR ART GRINATH

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1285 That is so wrong! Supply a trivia question along with both the correct answer and a cleverly "wrong" guess. 3 H
1282 Picture This Write a caption for one or more of the provided pictures. H
1260 What lies (are) ahead for 2018 Jokingly predict some news event to happen in 2018. H
1256 Picture this -- a caption contest Provide a funny caption for any of the provided cartoons. H
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H
1248 C'mon, fess up! Send us a brief "confession" -- there will be categories for true and just-kidding. H
1232 Picture this -- a caption contest Write a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. H
1211 The best tweets in history Write a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces) about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional. H
1206 Do-over the do-over -- enter any of the year's contests Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1202, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. H H
1204 Well, at least … Note some good news for the coming year to comfort -- or "comfort" -- those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. 2 H H
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H H H
1180 Strip search! Find a line of text from any comic strip or panel that appears on the Post's comics pages or on washingtonpost.com/comics, dated anywhere between June 16 and June 27, and either (a) supply a question that the original line could answer, or (b) follow it with your own line of dialogue or reply. H
1162 An 8-year Re-Onion Write a fictional Onion-type headline. H H
1143 Ask Backwards Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions. H
1139 A little sixty-four play Fashion an entry by selecting one element from each of the provided menu groups. Make sure you indicate the combination you chose (e.g., 2-C-iii). H
1131 One man's trash Suggest a humorous way to reuse one or more of the items listed above -- or anything else advertised on RepurposedMaterialsinc.com. H
1130 Yux Redux: Play on a foreign phrase Make a word play on a foreign phrase or term (or English phrase using foreign words) and describe it. H
1127 From the creators of … Think up a spinoff of a real TV series, past or present, and furnish a description of bit of dialogue. H H
1126 Picture this Provide a humorous caption for any of the cartoons provided. H H
1110 The mama of all humor Write a [Someone’s] Mama joke for some well-known figure, past or present, real or fictional. H
1109 Fictoids of Columbia Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area. H H H
1106 Show your resolve Suggest a New Year's resolution that someone might make 100 or more years in the future. H
1102 Let's get Sirius Suggest a new radio channel and describe it. H
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon. 4 H
1085 Eww-venirs: Ideas for gift shops Suggest a humorous--but NOT horribly tasteless--tchotchke, T-shirt, etc., from a real or imagined gift shop at a particular tourist site. H H
1081 It's the stupidity, stupid Write us stupid questions that will make us laugh. H
1063 Same difference Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different. H
1059 With parens like these … Add some words in parentheses to a well-known song title to make it funnier in some way. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. H
1057 Sportin' lie Give us some fake sports trivia. H
1050 Just redo it Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1000 through Week 1046. H T
1044 Play it safe Come up with a comically safety-conscious rule for the workplace or elsewhere. H H
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. H H
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. 2
1024 Gorey thoughts Send us some edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. The pairs are AB, CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OP, QR, ST, UV, WX, and YZ. H
1023 Hai there, Martians! Write one or more humorous haiku that will greet the Martians or share a little nugget of what life is like on Earth. H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H H
1019 What a turnoff Tell us some creative things that children and families could do during Screen-Free Week. 4 W
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. H
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. H
998 Set the law on us Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world. 3
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. H
994 Stick it to us Suggest a slogan for one of our two new honorable-mention Loser Magnets for 2012-2013. H
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. 2
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. H
960 Raving reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. 4
956 Give us some bad ideas Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases. H H
954 Bring on the 'fight' jokes Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.” H
946 Another round of Bierce Write a clever definition of a word, name or multi-word term. H
937 Staake it to him Write a caption for any of the five pages or details pictured from some of Bob's more than 50 picture books. 3
930 We WANT stupid complaints! Complain comically unreasonably about some innocuous thing appearing in the print Post or on washingtonpost.com over the next week or the previous few days. H
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H
916 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. 3
911 Help! Create a short humorous dialogue -- or a monologue featuring one party -- of a phone call to 911, or a call for help to someone else. 3
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. H
883 Same difference Choose any two items from the list above and explain why they are alike or are different from each other. H H
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. H
831 A Big To-Do Name a "bucket list" item for a well-known real or fictional character. H
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. H
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H H
811 Rock-Bottom Lines Tell us a sign that the economy couldn't get worse. H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). 3
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
794 Ripped Off From the Headlines Send us some Onion-type headlines. H H H
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. 3 H H
786 Top of the Staake So get your thoughts provoked for No. Umpteen of our cartoon caption contest. H H
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. H H
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. L
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. 4
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. H
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. H H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appear to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. H H
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. H
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
709 A Return Engagement Come up with some novel change to the tax code: a tax on something ought to be taxed, a credit for something that should be rewarded, what the $3 should go to instead of presidential campaigns, etc. H
706 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24 through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. H
690 Funnies: How Time Flies Pull Billy of "The Family Circus" -- or any of his comic strip neighbors in The Washington Post -- out of his time warp to a different age, era or place, and provide a short storyline or dialogue or caption. H H
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H H
688 Making Short Work Write a humorous six-word story. H H
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H L P W
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. 3 H H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H T
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H M
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H W
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. 1 H H
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. 1 H
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
658 Not in the Cards Send us ideas for cards that would likely be ruled "FBN" (Funny, But No) by Hallmark but F&YYY by the Empress. H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. 2 H
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. H H
646 Warped Perspectives Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons. H H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rule. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? H H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H W
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. H H
620 Keep the Empress Employed Suggest some original, creative ways that The Post could increase its circulation. W
615 Airy Persiflage Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement. H
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. 1 H
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H H H H
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
601 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote in response to one of the provided Editor's Query topics. H
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. H
597 Eccchsibits Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital. H
593 Take This, Job, and … Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. H
589 Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!) Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it. H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. 3
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. H H H H
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. H H
575 T Hee Hee Come up with new ideas for both front and back of the Loser T-shirts. H H H
567 A Running Gag Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign. H
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. 1
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor is any of the provided genres. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H H
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in on or more of the provided cartoons. H H H
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. H
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any of readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. 2 H
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? 2
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sound as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H H
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. H
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. W
524 Around Things Moving Take the title of any book or movie, rearrange the words, and explain what the new book or movie is about. H
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. H
520 I, Object These items were ordered by well-known people. Who ordered them, and why? 2
519 Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector? Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington. H H H
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." H
517 Insert Joke Here Slip a single bogus sentence into next year's State of the Union address, figuring the Prez will probably just read it right off the teleprompter. H
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. H H
504 Life Is Snort Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short." H H
502 Picture This Who are these people? What are they doing? H
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contest listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. H H
492 Cheap Tricks Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. 1
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H H
472 Water Stupid Idea Propose bad ideas for saving water in the continuing drought. 2 H H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. H
464 Cursive Writing Come up with a new curse for this millennium. H W
453 Haiku 2 U2 Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or head. A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem, of three lines. The first and last lines are five syllables; the middle line is seven. H
444 Advice Squad Take any letter from today's advice columns and answer it in the voice of someone famous, living or dead. 1 H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. 2 H
429 Shark Instruments Tell us what would be a sign that any current institution--TV show, newspaper feature, magazine, business, etc.--has jumped the shark. H H H
428 No Rest for the Query Answer any of the provided supposedly unanswerable questions in the voice of any famous person, living or dead. H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H
418 Xtreme Invitational Come up with signs you are overdoing it any in any of the provided categories. H
413 Bland Ambition Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions. H
412 Painful Climaxes Come up with statements that start really dramatically, but leave you sorta flat at the end. 4
411 X's and Oaths Take any oath, pledge, declaration or slogan and update it. H
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. 1
403 Cry, Uncle! Write the beginnings of an obituary that will provide the details of what happened to the Style Invitational Uncle. H H
402 Spitting the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. 1
401 A Matter of Degree Describe a sign of some modest change in a situation and pair it with a sign of an extreme change in that same situation. 4 H
399 IT PAYS TO BE GENDEROUS Write a short film description that could persuade a woman that the guy movie he wants to see is really close to being a gal movie, or vice versa. H H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. H
380 The New-Name Offense Propose changes for the names of places and things that need it, either because there is something wrong with their name, or because another name would be so much more descriptive. H
376 Apply Yourself Supply bad openings to college application biographies. H
372 Trial Balloons Fill in the balloons. 2
351 Dubya Fun Take any well-known statement, expression, slogan, etc., and rewrite it the way Dubya might have said it. H
346 Greasy Kids Tough Take any news event from history, recent of ancient, large or small, and rewrite it in 100 words or fewer as it might have appeared in KidsPost. 1
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. 2 H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. D H H
335 A LOVER'S SPAT Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice. H
332 AUTHORS IN SEARCH OF A CHARACTER Come up with a three- or four-panel cartoon about any of the winning characters from Week 332. W
330 NERD PLANET FROM THE SUN Come up with comments from the Nerd Side even less interesting than the observation that the 21st century doesn't really start until 2001. H
325 THE BURMA ROAD Propose welcoming doggerel for states or cities patterned after Burma Shave signs. 3
324 A PREQUEL OPPORTUNITY OFFERING Come up with a "prequel" to some classic film or work of literature. You must produce a title and a brief plot summary, which or course must take place prior to the main action of the original work. 4
323 THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD INVITATIONAL Come up with not-quite-ready inventions, past or present. 2 H
322 YOU NAME IT Take a well known pair or group of names, extend one of them in some manner, and explain how the group dynamic changes. H H
321 INTERPRET THIS Take any of the provided cartoon and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening. W
317 PICK US A WINNER Come up with flawed contest ideas, and the single, obvious, too-good-to-beat entry. H
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. H
311 A JERRY-BUILT CONTEST Find cleverly disguised threats to public morality or hallowed American values that may be secretly lurking out there in our culture. 4 H
309 A STINKING PILE OF THESES Write an all-purpose first line or paragraph for any doctoral dissertation, design to impress the heck out of academics. H
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H H H H
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H H
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. H W
288 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these pictures? H
285 ELEVENIS, ANYTWO? Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase. H
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. 6
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. H
277 LIFE IN THE BLURBS Come up a simple plot summary to help attract the modern audience to any classic work of fiction. It must be literally true and defensible. 1
273 UNSEENS WE'D LIKE TO SEE Provide examples of any of the provided categories of thing that will never happen. H
265 A SPORK OF GENIUS Come up with new products like the spork: combinations of two existing products that work together in some special way. Name the device and explain its function. H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. H H
260 IT'S A SNAP Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over." 3
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. H H
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if …" H
249 BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS Supply a silver lining for any scourge or social ill facing America or the world. H H H
246 OUR OWN DEVICES What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer. 3 H
242 SACRED COW PIES Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided. H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. H
238 CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard. H H
227 WILD PITCHES Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created represent it. H H
224 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS What is wrong with these pictures? H
220 RSVP Provide and answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. 3 H
218 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. H
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
213 A SIN OF THE TIMES Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical. H H
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars." 5 H H H
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. H H
210 RANDOM MEMO Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks. W
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. H H
207 TIED TO BE FIT Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections. 3 H
199 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
198 YOU MUST BE MAD II Come up with proposals designed to infuriate special interest groups. H H
196 YOU MUST BE MAD Come up with a contemporary Scene We'd Like to See. H W
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. H
194 ADVICE SQUAD Answer any of the provided questions unwisely. W
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. 4
187 RACE TO THE FINISH LINE In 75 words or fewer, continue in a productive fashion the story line of the provided real first lines of famous literary works. H H
186 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
183 COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG II Create hawkers' rhymes for modern-day occupations like lobbyists, lawyers, talk show hosts, actuaries, etc., at a maximum of four lines. It must contain at least one rhyme. 1
182 CAN YOU STOP THIS? Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room. H
181 YOU CAN TAKE IT TO DEBUNK Take a common slogan or saying and prove it wrong with at least one example. H
180 WHEN IN DOUBT, PUN Take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. H
178 DEEP THROATS Come up with Deep Thoughts, in the style of Jack Handey of "Saturday Night Live." A Deep Thought is a short, simple, seemingly inspirational observation that winds up being cynical, ironic, or just plain weird. H H
177 SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE Tell us what any of the provided sounds are. H H W
175 FOSSIL FOOLS What would aliens mistakenly conclude about us from any of the provided items? H W
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. H
173 DEAD RECKONING Propose a question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us the question. 3
170 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Why are these people smiling? H H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
157 WARNING SIGNS Complete any of these "you might be about to" warning sentences. H H H
156 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Create new word by combining the first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of a hyphenated word. Both words must appear in the same story anywhere in today's Washington Post. Each entry must provide a definition for the newly created word. H
153 STUMP US Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign. H H
150 TRIAL BALLOONS What are the people saying? H H
143 IT'S MY PARODY (& I'LL TRY IF I WANT TO) Rewrite any common jingle of theme song in the style of famous writer. 1
140 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY? Come up "What-If" scenarios and logical outcomes. 4
138 LIST BUT NOT LEAST Come up with Top-10-style lists for any of the above four subjects. H H
137 VELVIS LIVES Come up with a title and/or art gallery blurb for this velvet Elvis painting. H
117 GIVE 'EM HELOISE Come up with a tribute to Heloise, that queen of inanely creative recycling. 4 H
112 POOP FICTION Come up with the opening lines of a book so bad it will compel you to stop reading immediately; maximum 50 words. H
111 ASK BACKWARDS V Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
110 DO NOT INHALE THIS PAGE Come up with absurd warning labels that might be found on common products. H
106 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS Who are these people, and what are they doing? H H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]