PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JON GRAFT

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H
1109 Fictoids of Columbia Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area. H
1085 Eww-venirs: Ideas for gift shops Suggest a humorous--but NOT horribly tasteless--tchotchke, T-shirt, etc., from a real or imagined gift shop at a particular tourist site. H
967 Overlap dance II Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result. H
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. W
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. H
851 Going to the shrink Downsize the title of a book, movie or play to make it smaller or less momentous and describe it. H
831 A Big To-Do Name a "bucket list" item for a well-known real or fictional character. 4 H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. H
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. H
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. H H
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. H H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. I I
442 Titletales Take any real book or movie, change one word slightly, and describe the resulting new product. H
422 Taught Language Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page. H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. U
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]