PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR EVAN GOLUB
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of fruit.
||What's the Small Idea?
||Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans?
||H H |
||You Gotta Have Connections
||Choose any two or more items from the provided truly random list and describe how they are alike or different.
||Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog.
||Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution.
||Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other.
||Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art.
||The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade
||Submit new entries to any of the old contests listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years.
||Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist.
||What do these devices do?
||A STINKING PILE OF THESES
||Write an all-purpose first line or paragraph for any doctoral dissertation, designed to impress the heck out of academics.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]