PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR EARL GILBERT
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- P: Prize donation.
||Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified.
||The Game of Clue
||What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations?
||Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex.
||H H |
||Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression.
||Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble.
||IF YOU BOYCOTT THIS TASK / YOU WON'T WIN THE FLASK
||Come up with rhyming couplets to warn us about the perils of modern life.
||Suggest ways in which the Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people.
||Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences.
||CAPTION CRUNCH IV
||Supply a new caption to any photograph appearing anywhere in today's Post, to make it funnier.
||OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE
||Come up with a Principle for the Workplace.
||CAN YOU STOP THIS?
||Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room.
||H H |
||THE EDGE OF MIGHT
||Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases.
||H H |
||ON SECOND THOUGHT
||Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason.
||3 H |
||Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign.
||PLAY MYTHTY FOR ME
||Come up with new urban myths, those vaguely believable, wildly paranoid stories that circulate by word of mouth until they are generally accepted as true.
||H H |
||What questions were left out of the Great American Sex Survey?
||H H |
||THE RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD II
||What do these ink blots mean?
||Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition.
||CAPTION CRUNCH III
||Come up with a new, funnier caption for any picture or illustration anywhere in today's newspaper.
||3 H |
||THE SON-OF-SMITH LAW
||In 50 words or fewer, what do we do about the Chuck Smith problem?
||CALLING THE TOON
||Who are these people, and what are they doing?
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]