PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DAVID GENSER

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1079 Little piddle riddle Ask a question and answer it with a rhyme. H
1067 A(t)tribute to your wit Alter a well-known quote slightly and attribute it to someone else. H
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H H
1006 It's a ... a ... Create a new superhero (or duo) and describe the superpower, or not-very-superpower. H
1005 Send us the bill Name a piece of legislation "cosponsored" by two or more of the 98 new House and Senate members provided. H
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. H H
998 Set the law on us Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world. 4 H H
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. 4 H
996 A Life-Time opportunity Combine two magazines or journals and describe the result, supply a marketing pitch, or suggest a story or two that it might publish. H H
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. H
994 Stick it to us Suggest a slogan for one of our two new honorable-mention Loser Magnets for 2012-2013. H
991 Tour de Fours IX Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T, and E and define it. H
990 Indecent relations Pair two people, real or fictional, who have the same last name; say how they're alike or different, or something they might do (even in fantasy), as a pair. H H
989 On the double Come up with a double or multiple profession, and explain how each job complements the other(s). 4 H H H
988 A faster break Suggest ways to make sports and other leisure activities more time-efficient or exciting. H H H H
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
984 Another brilliant contest Write something whose words begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet. H H L
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. 3 H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. H H H
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. 4 H H
975 Gone mything Debunk a "Sixth Myth" about one of more of the recent "5 Myths" topics provided. H H
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. H
971 Double booking Come up with a double book with a humorous connection; the first title must be an actual book, while the other may be your own fictitious title or a second real book. H
968 Take us for grants Come up with a proposal to the National Science Foundation or other research-funding organization for a study based on a stupid hypothesis. 4
967 Overlap dance II Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result. H H
966 Inkremental change Start with any word or name, and create a series of words that change by one letter at a time, until you come up with a related word or name. H
962 Questionable journalism Take any sentence (or a major part of it) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through March 19 and supply a question it could answer. H H
960 Raving reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
959 Out of network Move a current or former TV program (or type of programming) to a different network and explain what would change. H H
956 Give us some bad ideas Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases. H H H H
954 Bring on the 'fight' jokes Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.” W
950 Of all the nerve! Give us a humorous example of hypothetical chutzpah. H H
948 Look back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 891 through 945 (except for Week 896, which was the same contest for the previous year). 2 H
947 Tour de Fours VIII: Neologisms Come up with a new word or two-word term that includes the letter block N-O-E-L, in any order but with no other letters between them, and define it. H
946 Another round of Bierce Write a clever definition of a word, name or multi-word term. H
944 Uh, yeah, it's just you Give us one or more "Is it just me" questions. H H
943 Ask backward XXIX You are on "Jeopardy!" You supply the questions for as many of the provided answers as you like. H H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. 2 H
939 MASH 2: The Retread Combine two movie titles and describe the result. H
936 Hoho contendere Slightly alter a well-known foreign-language term and define it. H
934 Same difference Explain how any two items in the provided list are similar or different. H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. 3
930 We WANT stupid complaints! Complain comically unreasonably about some innocuous thing appearing in the print Post or on washingtonpost.com over the next week or the previous few days. H
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. I
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? 2 H H H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. H
377 Week MMDCXLIV Provide a headline (and, if necessary, the first line of the text) for any article that will appear in The Washington Post on this day in the year 2050. H
376 Apply Yourself Supply bad openings to college application biographies. 3 H
372 Trial Balloons Fill in the balloons. H H H
371 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 2
370 No End in Sight Write the beginnings of sentences you don't want to hear the end of. H H
369 Punch Us Complete any of the provided jokes. H
367 Future Schlock Come up with a line that will surely not appear in an upcoming work. H H
366 Just Fulghum Come up with a list of at least three Major Life Lessons one can learn from any of the venues provided. 3 5 H H H
365 Terse Verse Ask a question and then answer it with a rhyme. Your answer can be as many words as you wish, but all must have the same rhyme. H W
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. H H W
361 Bad Libs Select one subject, one verb, and one object from the provided lists, and then answer the riddle you create. H H
359 It's No Party Come up with a new political party and its main political tenet. H H H H H H
358 Finish the Fire Finish "We Didn't Start the Fire," to summarize 1990 to the present. 2 H H H U
355 Seeing Stars Tell us ways we can attract celebrity participation to this contest. H H
352 A Laff Riot Take the name of a company and/or its commercial product and provide it a new definition. H H
350 Employing Irony Propose bad career choices. H H H H W
349 Orienting Oneself Produce a haiku using only words found in today's Washington Post. Your entry must have three lines, the first containing exactly five syllables, the second containing exactly seven syllables, the third containing exactly five. H H W
346 Greasy Kids Tough Take any news event from history, recent or ancient, large or small, and rewrite it in 100 words or fewer as it might have appeared in KidsPost. 4 H
345 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? 1 H H W
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. H H
343 Eastwood Ho. Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression. H
342 Plainly Ridiculous Take any direct quotation from any article in today's Washington Post and translate it into "plain English." 1
341 What's In a Name? Write something about any famous person that uses only the letters in his or her name. H
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H H H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H H H H
335 A LOVER'S SPAT Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice. H H H
334 The New Style Invitational: Six Choices for Czar Vote for one of six possible editors of the Style Invitation, from among the current Czar and five worthy competitors. 3
332 AUTHORS IN SEARCH OF A CHARACTER Come up with a three- or four-panel cartoon about any of the winning characters from Week 332. W
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. H H
328 NICE CAPADES Send in some pleasant observation, in which you take a really cheerful or heartwarming view of something that less charitable people might conceivably see differently. H H H H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? E H H H W
326 COMIC RELIEF Look at today's comics pages, select one panel and one panel only from any comic strip, and rewrite the dialogue. W
324 A PREQUEL OPPORTUNITY OFFERING Come up with a "prequel" to some classic film or work of literature. You must produce a title and a brief plot summary, which of course must take place prior to the main action of the original work. 1 H
321 INTERPRET THIS Take any of the provided cartoons and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening. H
320 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. 1 H H
319 REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY Create an original chiasmus, an ancient literary form in which meaning is derived by pairing two words or phrases, and then reversing their order. E H H
318 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H H
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? E
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series of other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. H
311 A JERRY-BUILT CONTEST Find cleverly disguised threats to public morality or hallowed American values that may be secretly lurking out there in our culture. 3 E
309 A STINKING PILE OF THESES Write an all-purpose first line or paragraph for any doctoral dissertation, designed to impress the heck out of academics. H H W
308 GIVE US NO MO Write an updated version of those old children's selecting rhymes. Your rhyme must (1) rhyme and (2) conform, at least loosely, to a point-and-shoot cadence that permits the elimination of one item from a group. W
307 IF YOU BOYCOTT THIS TASK / YOU WON'T WIN THE FLASK Come up with rhyming couplets to warn us about the perils of modern life. 3 H H
306 YOUNGIAN THERAPY Suggest ways in which the Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people. H H
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 3
304 TIME OF THE SIGNS Come up with appropriate signage to appear outside any business or retail establishment in the Washington area, including government offices. W
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H H H
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? E
300 A BRAND NEW CONTEST Come up with celebrity-brand products. H
299 ANOTHER LEFTIST RAG Write the day's tabloid headlines with your left hand only. (This means you can use no keys to the right of 6, T, G and B.) 4 E
298 THE RIGHT STUFF Write a sentence, or phrase, or entire passage, using only your right hand on the keyboard. This means you may use no keys to the left of N, H, Y and 7. H H
297 FREE FOR OIL Take any article in today's paper, and write an outraged letter to the editor about it that totally misses the point, either by misreading a word or misunderstanding the topic. H W
296 BILL US LATER Choose among the names of any of the newly elected U.S. senators or representatives and propose a bill they might sponsor. 4 H
295 PANEL DISCUSSION Supply the contents of the missing panel in the provided cartoon strips. H W
294 PRODUCT LIARBILITY Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it. H
291 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Take any story in today's paper, find a word that breaks with a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of different hyphenated word in the same story. Then supply a definition for the new hybrid word. H H
290 THE WORLD THEORIES Codify some of life's more populist theories. H
288 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these pictures? H H
287 BEFORE AND AFTERMATH Begin with a real name, append to it a word, name or expression that completes the bridge, and finally define the resulting phrase. 2 H H
286 CLINTOONS Make your own Clintoon, a comic strip consisting of any or all of the provided drawings. E
285 ELEVENIS, ANYTWO? Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase. E
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
281 CALCULATE THE ODDS Tell us which of the two provided items does not belong with the other two, and why. H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. 7 H H H
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. 2
277 LIFE IN THE BLURBS Come up a simple plot summary to help attract the modern audience to any classic work of fiction. It must be literally true and defensible. H H
276 SPIT THE DIFFERENCE Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
274 THE DROLL OF A LIFETIME Be the New Yorker comics editor, and explain to readers of The Washington Post why the provided jokes are charmingly witty. E H
273 UNSEENS WE'D LIKE TO SEE Provide examples of any of the provided categories of things that will never happen. H H H H
272 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
269 SIGNS, AND THE TIMES Come up with new, helpful signage for downtown streets. You must state the problem, and propose the sign to rectify it. 2 E H H
267 THE CONCEPT CONCEPT Come up with a situation for a "People Unclear on the Concept" cartoon. Describe the situation and supply any necessary dialogue. H
265 A SPORK OF GENIUS Come up with new products like the spork: combinations of two existing products that work together in some special way. Name the device and explain its function. H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. H
260 IT'S A SNAP Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over." H H
259 SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY? Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange. H H
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. H H H
257 LET US PLAY Create a game, or a prank, that can be played using any two or more of the provided objects. H
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. 4 H H H H
255 SCANDAL IN THE WIND Each of the provided items is somehow related to the current presidential scandal. Tell us how. 3 H H H
254 DOUBLE JEOPARDY! Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and make up a question to which it could be a plausible answer. E H W
253 IT'S A PITY Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is. H
252 MAKE YOUR MOVIE Propose people who were the secret inspiration for famous movies. H H H
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. H H H H
249 BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS Supply a silver lining for any scourge or social ill facing America or the world. H
247 BLACK AND WHITE AND WED ALL OVER Propose the marriage of any two people, and the song they should not play at their wedding. The people must be a man and a woman. E H
246 OUR OWN DEVICES What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer. H
245 LIKE FUN Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences. 1
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. H H H H
243 VERSE THAN EVER Write a rhyming poem of two to eight lines as a tribute to someone famous who died in 1997, the more awful the better. We will particularly value rhymes that thud, and extremes of emotion and sentiment. H
242 SACRED COW PIES Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided. H
241 CAN YOU BEAT THIS? Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another. H W
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. H H
239 NAME THAT TOON Send us the captions for cartoons not provided. H H
238 CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard. E H L
237 ASK BACKWARD You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
236 CALLING THE TOON. What is happening here? E H
234 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Complete any of the provided jokes as it would be told by someone famous, living or dead. E H H
233 SEEKING PARODY Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer. E H
232 PRIMAL URGES Update, for the millennium, the old "A is for Apple" reading primer. An entry must include the four letters in one of these blocks: A-D, E-H, I-L, M-P, Q-T, U-Z. H H
231 GIVING QUARTER Suggest a motto for the "tails" side of any of the state-themed quarters. E H H H H
229 WE CAN'T HEAR YOU Supply an example for any of the five "Things you don't want to hear" categories provided. H H
228 MAKE MY DAY Supply advice to today's spoiled kids about how bad things were when we were growing up. E
227 WILD PITCHES Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created to represent it. H H
225 WE RESPECTfully decline to publish any dumb entries by YOU. Come up with signs for a T-shirt or a bumper sticker that hide the real message in tiny type. 3 H
224 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS What is wrong with these pictures? H H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H
222 TRIP DEUCES Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. E H H H H
220 RSVP Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. H
219 VERBOSITY Come up with new, obnoxious, self-conscious faux verbs and use them in sentences. 2 H H
218 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? 3
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. E
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. E
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
213 A SIN OF THE TIMES Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical. I
210 RANDOM MEMO Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks. H
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. 3 E H
208 SEND IN THE CLONES Suggest questions a commission to investigate the moral, legal and practical question raised by cloning might consider. 1 H H H H
207 TIED TO BE FIT Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections. 3 H H W
206 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE II Create a new word by combining the first half of any hyphenated word in today's newspaper with the second half of any other hyphenated word elsewhere in the same story, and supply a definition. 4 H H
205 SOME PIG Beg for the prize: convince us why you, and you alone, deserve to get it. E
204 DOUBLE EXPRESSO Take any well-known colorful expression, and modernize it. E H
202 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Interpret any of the provided computer emoticons, or "smileys." H H H H
199 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. E H H H
198 YOU MUST BE MAD II Come up with proposals designed to infuriate special interest groups. H H
197 DAVE'S WORLD Make David Twenhafel laugh. Any sort of delightful drollery or amusing witticism will do, so long as it is not the sort of lowbrow fare we usually favor. H H H
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. E
194 ADVICE SQUAD Answer any of the provided questions unwisely. H
193 ASK BACKWARDS VIII You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? E
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. E H
190 OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE Come up with a Principle for the Workplace. 2 H H
189 YOU CAN PRANK ON IT Come up with a hoax or prank that begins with any of the provided scenarios. H H
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. 3 H
186 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? E
184 ED ANGUISH Create an argument on some social issue, in 75 words or fewer, taking an extreme liberal view. 3 H
183 COCKNEY RHYMING SLANG II Create hawkers' rhymes for modern-day occupations like lobbyists, lawyers, talk show hosts, actuaries, etc., at a maximum of four lines. It must contain at least one rhyme. 6
180 WHEN IN DOUBT, PUN Take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. 2 H
179 A CLOCKWORK, UM, UM, ... ER Write single sentences containing no fewer than three examples of rhyming slang. E
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. 2
171 ON SECOND THOUGHT Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason. H
170 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Why are these people smiling? 1 H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H H
168 LICENSE TO CARRY A PUN Come up with original jokes like those provided. H
164 MEAN MEANINGS Translate things politicians say into what they really mean. 2 H
163 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
162 MAY WE HAVE YOUR PRETENSION, PLEASE? Come up with the most pretentious original sentence possible. 2
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. 3
157 WARNING SIGNS Complete any of these "you might be about to" warning sentences. 5 H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]