This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1215 A so-so contest (How so-so is it?) Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …" H
1134 The 'Sty'le Invitational Red'ux' Put quotation marks around part of a word, name or phrase and define the result. H
63 BAD ABOUT YOU Come up with a lame idea for a Style Invitational contest, an idea destined to create unfunny results. 3 H
61 NO HARD FEELINGS Fill in the balloons in these cheerful farewell panels drawn by Marc Rosenthal, the Style Invitational artist who is being replaced by Bob Staake. 1
59 A GRAVE AFFAIR Write appropriate epitaphs for the not-yet-dead. H
43 GOOD LORD! What does God look like? H W
37 A STATE OF DISGRACE? Propose any of the following for D.C.: A State Name, A State Flower, A State Bird, A State Slogan, A State Capital, A Governor, An Insulting State Joke. I
32 FATAL ART ATTACK In 50 words or fewer, describe a performance art concept that might get public funding. Winners will be audacious enough to seem like art, but pretentious enough to seem to have a social "message." H H W
29 AD NAUSEAM Come up with an unfortunate slogan for any real product, service, or organization. H W
28 MOTHERS-IN-LAW OF INVENTION Propose some drastic change in government to help the economy or otherwise improve the quality of life in America. 3
27 IT'S THE EPONYMY, STUPID Coin an eponym, a word or figure of speech based on the name of a famous person. You must define the word, and, if you wish, use it in a sentence. H H
26 CASTING ABOUT FOR AN IDEA Name a political person (past or present) and the TV or movie role in which he or she could have been cast. H I
25 CAPTION CRUNCH Write a caption for any of these photos. H
24 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Those are the answers. What are the questions? H H
23 HAPPY ENDINGS Modernize an old quote or expression by altering its ending. H
22 STUMP US Come up with slogans for the 1996 presidential campaign. H H
21 A SO-SO CONTEST Describe somebody--or something--through exaggerated comparison. 5
20 COMIC RELIEF Rewrite 60-year-old cartoons, filling in your own balloons, to make them funnier and more timely. W
19 A RECYCLED IDEA THAT WAS NONE TOO GOOD TO BEGIN WITH Alter a well-known phrase or name by deleting, adding or changing only one letter, and then supply a definition for what results. H
16 I AM ADDICTED TO AN ASININE CONTEST… Come up with sleazy new topics for the daytime talks. H


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]