PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR CY GARDNER

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H H
971 Double booking Come up with a double book with a humorous connection; the first title must be an actual book, while the other may be your own fictitious title or a second real book. H H
970 Couple it Take a line from any well-known poem and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous couplet. H
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. H
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. H
876 Oilies but goodies Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. H H
871 Remarquees Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. 3 H
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. 3 H H
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H
831 A Big To-Do Name a "bucket list" item for a well-known real or fictional character. 3
830 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 14 through Aug. 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H H H
828 Inhuman Puns Make a pun on the name of a familiar group, organization or company, and describe it or provide a quote from it. H H
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. H H
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H
811 Rock-Bottom Lines Tell us a sign that the economy couldn't get worse. H H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). 2
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). W
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. 3
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. 2 H
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
785 The Ballad Box Write a short, humorous song somehow relating to the presidential campaign, set to a familiar tune. H
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. H
777 Limerixicon 5 Supply a humorous limerick featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters da-. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. H
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. H H H H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H H W
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H H H
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. H H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H H
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. H
725 Beggars For Description Describe, without being boring, a cartoon to fit any of the provided captions. H W
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H H
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. W
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H H
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. H
296 BILL US LATER Choose among the names of any of the newly elected U.S. senators or representatives and propose a bill they might sponsor. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]