||The Tile Invitational VIII
||Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided sets and define it.
||Rocky of ages, or Badenov for you?
||State any historical event -- right up to 2021 -- in the provided "A, or B" format.
||Don't you want to see new places?
||Change any place name slightly and describe the new place.
||Of course there are stupid questions!
||Give us stupid questions, especially ones reflecting Our Current Situation.
||Ask Backwards 38
||Sixteen "answers" are provided. Tell us the questions.
||Pumping Prime: Amazon reviews
||Send us a humorous "review" (like the provided samples from our earlier contests) for any of the provided items.
||Nextra! Nextra! The year in preview
||Name some humorous event to happen in 2019.
||One-for-one for all
||Replace one letter in an existing word, name or multi-word phrase with one different letter (in the same place in the word) and define or describe the result.
||Botch office sensations
||Add "13" to an existing movie title, and some humorous trouble to the plot.
||It's IGH time for 3-word phrases
||Make up some entity that might take a three-letter abbreviation of GHI, HGI, GGG, GHH, etc., and then humorously describe it.
||A different type o' headline contest
||Change a letter in an article or ad in the Post or another publication dated Sept. 13-24 by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting a letter; transposing two letters; or changing spacing or punctuation; and then add a "bank head."
||Clue us in -- a backward crossword
||Supply one or more creative clues for the provided filled-in crossword grid -- as many as 25 clues in all.
||Explain--inaccurately but amusingly--how a real word is a combination of two or more words, with an illustrative sentence, as in the provided examples, or some other funny way.
||Four weeks from now, the Empress will have just placed her dainty imperial toe back on our glittering shores. Which means that for the first time since January 2002, almost 800 contests ago—back during the late reign of her predecessor, theCzar—the Invitational will skip two contests in a row.
||A so-so contest (How so-so is it?)
||Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …"
||You're giving us a bad name
||Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note its original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for.
||Drone for a loop
||Give us some novel uses for a CICADA micro-drone, assuming that anyone can get one, and that it can have a micro-camera, micro-grips, etc.
||The song remains the sa
||Supply a real song title that has the end or beginning -- or, what the heck, both -- chopped off and describe it.
||Prime time for some Amazon reviews
||Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon.
||Everybody get appy
||Offer up an idea for either a humorously useful app or a humorously counterproductive one.
||Falsity is Job One
||Send us some fictoids about cars and trucks and driving and stuff.
||H H |
||The ands have it
||Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it.
||Weather or nuts
||Coin a term relating to the weather, climate, etc. -- either literal or figurative -- and define it.
||What's the diff?
||Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different.
||The news at 5
||Write a limerick about a recent news event.
||Clue us in
||Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid.
||Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012.
||The overlap dance
||Send us a Before & After "person" whose name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way.
||Write a word-palindrome sentence, in which the first and last words are the same; the second and next-to-last, etc.
||Mess with our heads
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head."
||Safety in blunders
||Tell us a way to make the nation more secure.
||Combine the first parts of each word in a famous person's or character's name -- in order -- and define it or use it in a sentence that somehow refers to its source.
||Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below.
||Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms.
||H H |
||Frittering away the neurons
||Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form.
||For Real Folks
||Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife.
||Our Greatest Hit
||Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word.
||Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket.
||Thank it Over
||Tell us some things to be thankful for.
||Ticket to Write
||Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song.
||The News Gets Verse
||Sum up wittily in verse -- but not a limerick -- any article appearing in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4.
||H H |
||Tour de Fours III
||Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F.
||Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days.
||Take any article appearing in The Washington Post or online on washingtonpost.com from today through April 3 -- the more serious and/or mundane its headline, the better -- and write a funny poem or other passage using only words that appear in that article.
||Mess With Our Heads
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it.
||Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-.
||Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters.
||Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions.
||Top of the Inking
||Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals.
||God's Will (and Won't)
||Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----."
||Deliver Us a Post
||Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions.
||Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title.
||Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words.
||It Won't Belong Now
||Tell us which of three cartoons provided does not belong, and why.
||Be a Real Card
||Come up with a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card occasion.
||Who are these people? What are they doing?
||Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question.
||Words of One Syl- … Um, Just Short Words
||Take some complex issue of any sort and explain it to all us morons entirely in words of one syllable.
||Ism This Stupid?
||Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term.
||Get Your But in Here
||Produce a line that fits this structure: (Real thing based upon current events) is (word or phrase suggesting some quality) but (other word or phrase suggesting a dissimilar or incompatible quality), like (funny analogy).