PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR KENNETH GALLANT

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1300 Botch office sensations Add "13" to an existing movie title, and some humorous trouble to the plot. 2
1298 It's IGH time for 3-word phrases Make up some entity that might take a three-letter abbreviation of GHI, HGI, GGG, GHH, etc., and then humorously describe it. H
1297 A different type o' headline contest Change a letter in an article or ad in the Post or another publication dated Sept. 13-24 by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting a letter; transposing two letters; or changing spacing or punctuation; and then add a "bank head." H
1262 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply one or more creative clues for the provided filled-in crossword grid -- as many as 25 clues in all. H
1236 Portmanteaux faux Explain--inaccurately but amusingly--how a real word is a combination of two or more words, with an illustrative sentence, as in the provided examples, or some other funny way. H
1234 It's incontestable Four weeks from now, the Empress will have just placed  her dainty imperial toe back on our glittering shores.  Which means that for the first time since January 2002,  almost 800 contests ago — back during the late reign of  her predecessor, the Czar — the Invitational will skip two  contests in a row. H
1215 A so-so contest (How so-so is it?) Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …" I
1140 You're giving us a bad name Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note it original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for. H
1128 Drone for a loop Give us some novel uses for a CICADA micro-drone, assuming that anyone can get one, and that it can have a micro-camera, micro-grips, etc. H
1125 The song remains the sa Supply a real song title that has the end or beginning -- or, what the heck, both -- chopped off and describe it. H
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1083 Everybody get appy Offer up an idea for either a humorously useful app or a humorously counterproductive one. H
1075 Falsity is Job One Send us some fictoids about cars and trucks and driving and stuff. H H
1065 The ands have it Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it. H
1056 Weather or nuts Coin a term relating to the weather, climate, etc. -- either literal or figurative -- and define it. H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H
1012 The news at 5 Write a limerick about a recent news event. H
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1004 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012. H
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" who name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. H
891 Mirror, Mirror Write a word-palindrome sentence, in which the first and last words are the same; the second and next-to-last, etc. H
885 Mess with our heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head." H
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. H
872 Har Monikers Combine the first parts of each word in a famous person's or character's name -- in order -- and define it or use it in a sentence that somehow refers to its source. H
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H H
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. H
822 For Real Folks Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife. H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. 4
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. T
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. H
677 The News Gets Verse Sum up wittily in verse -- but not a limerick -- any article appearing in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4. H H
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. T
666 Bedevil Us Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days. L
655 Laughing Inside Take any article appearing in The Washington Post or online on washingtonpost.com from today through April 3 -- the more serious and/or mundane its headline, the better -- and write a funny poem or other passage using only words that appear in that article. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. H
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. I
600 Top of the Inking Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals. P
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. 4
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. I
525 It Won't Belong Now Tell us which of three cartoons provided does not belong, and why. H
509 Be a Real Card Come up with a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card occasion. H
502 Picture This Who are these people? What are they doing? H
501 Questionable Sentences Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question. H
495 Words of One Syl- … Um, Just Short Words Take some complex issue of any sort and explain it to all us morons entirely in words of one syllable. H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. H
467 Get Your But in Here Produce a line that fits this structure: (Real thing based upon current events) is (word or phrase suggesting some quality) but (other word or phrase suggesting a dissimilar or incompatible quality), like (funny analogy). H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]