PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PHIL FRANKENFELD

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1306 PolitiCaroling: A song parody contest Write a song about something in the news lately -- political or otherwise -- using a Christmas, Hanukkah or New Year's tune. H
1267 Jingle bungle Suggest an ill-advised spokesman (dead or alive, or fictional), along with a humorously noooo slogan or jingle. H
1237 Our alliteracy campaign Rewrite an existing headline from any  publication, print or online — about something in the  news from July 20 to 31, by using alliteration. 4
1200 The definitive dozen Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words. H
1183 C'mon, be honest with us Write something in roughly the form "If X were more honest, (then) Y." H
1180 Strip search! Find a line of text from any comic strip or panel that appears on the Post's comics pages or on washingtonpost.com/comics, dated anywhere between June 16 and June 27, and either (a) supply a question that the original line could answer, or (b) follow it with your own line of dialogue or reply. H
1173 Tinker with the recipe Slightly change the name of a food or brand of food (or something else in the food industry) and describe it, or write a slogan, jingle, etc. H
1162 An 8-year Re-Onion Write a fictional Onion-type headline. H
1138 Show us your touché Offer an elegantly snide (and original) insult of anyone living or dead. H H
1119 We want hue so bad Invent a name for a color and describe it. H
1111 When you riff upon a store Use a wordplay on a song title as a name or slogan for a real or imagined business. H
1108 Hearts of dorkness Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic. H
1093 You're only as rich as you fee What are some really bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks? H
1087 The core ridiculum Come up with a comical class (any type of school) and provide a course catalog description. H
1086 Playing the dozens 1. Start with any 12-letter word, name or multi-word phrase.
2. Add one letter OR drop one letter OR substitute another letter OR switch the position of two letters to create a new term, as in the examples given.
3. Define or describe the result humorously.
H
1079 Little piddle riddle Ask a question and answer it with a rhyme. H
1067 A(t)tribute to your wit Alter a well-known quote slightly and attribute it to someone else. H
1041 What have you got to lose? Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song. H H
1027 Built for two Give humorous related names for any pair of features in a given building, organization, etc. W
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. H
1014 Join now Combine the beginning and end, or the beginnings and ends, of any two words in single Washington Post story or ad published March 21 to April 1 into a new word or two-word phrase, and define the result. P
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H H
1006 It's a ... a ... Create a new superhero (or duo) and describe the superpower, or not-very-superpower. H
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. H H P
984 Another brilliant contest Write something whose words begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet. P
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. H
939 MASH 2: The Retread Combine two movie titles and describe the result. H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H
921 Give Us Willies Write an original Little Willie poem, perhaps reflecting our current era. This is a venerable four-line genre in which Master W. does some nasty thing and doesn't tend to learn to be a Good Boy by poem's end. P
916 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May 2 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
907 Naming rite Come up with a creative, somehow fitting sponsor for some public facility or part of one. H H
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. M
876 Oilies but goodies Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. H
870 Let's play Nopardy Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question. H
865 No Googlenopes left Come up with a humorous Googlenope. T
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. H W
829 Limerixicon 6 Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters di-. H
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H H H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
794 Ripped Off From the Headlines Send us some Onion-type headlines. 3
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. H
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H T
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. T
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. T
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H M
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H H
693 Everything Being Sequel Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie. H
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. M
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. 3
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. P
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth word in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. T
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H W
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H
618 Of D.C. I Sing Give us a song about Washington, set to a recognizable tune. H
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. P
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
606 The News Could be Verse Translate the fine prose of Washington Post articles into verse. Choose any article appearing in The Post of on its Web site from April 17 through April 25. T
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. 1
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. H
591 Dead Letters Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year. T
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. L
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. 1
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H
567 A Running Gag Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign. H
565 Anthem Is as Anthem Does Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune. H H
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. H
513 It's Delete We Can Do Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen. H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession, to form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
470 Czar Har Take the name of someone famous, rhyme it with a product, and describe the unholy union. H
445 Another Round of Bierce Add a few entries to Ambrose Bierce's famous "Devil's Dictionary." H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
380 The New-Name Offense Propose changes for the names of places and things that need it, either because there is something wrong with their name, or because another name would be so much more descriptive. 2 H H
366 Just Fulghum Come up with a list of at least three Major Life Lessons one can learn from any of the venues provided. H
361 Bad Libs Select one subject, one verb, and one object from the provided lists, and then answer the riddle you create. H U
358 Finish the Fire Finish "We Didn't Start the Fire," to summarize 1990 to the present. H H
357 Coming to a Bad End Take some immortal line from literature or film and ruin it by adding a short phrase or sentence. H H
354 Everyone's a Critic Adopt the style of a famous writer and review any of the provided dishes. H W
348 When We're LXIV Fashion an entry by selecting one from each of the provided menu groups. H
319 REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY Create an original chiasmus, an ancient literary form in which meaning is derived by pairing two words or phrases, and then reversing their order. 3 H
304 TIME OF THE SIGNS Come up with appropriate signage to appear outside any business or retail establishment in the Washington area, including government offices. H
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. H
289 PLAY IT AGAIN, SHAM Submit entries to any previous contest, ideas you might have thought of after the contest deadline had passed. H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. H
276 SPIT THE DIFFERENCE Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
271 YOGI BEARER Come up with new Yogi-isms, which seem to make sense, but collapse like a soufflé when you poke it a little W
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. H
255 SCANDAL IN THE WIND Each of the provided items is somehow related to the current presidential scandal. Tell us how. H
252 MAKE YOUR MOVIE Propose people who were the secret inspiration for famous movies. H
249 BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS Supply a silver lining for any scourge or social ill facing America or the world. H
248 STICKER SCHLOCK Come up with a message for our new, mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker, something that summarizes the grandeur and dignity of this stupid contest. 1 H
247 BLACK AND WHITE AND WED ALL OVER Propose the marriage of any two people, and the song they should not play at their wedding. The people must be a man and a woman. H
240 ADDING INSULT Come up with elegant insults directed at any famous person, living or dead, such as the real encomiums above. W
233 SEEKING PARODY Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer. W
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. H
199 WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE? Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
193 ASK BACKWARDS VIII You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]