PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DAVE FERRY

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1340 Not-ables -- slightly alter a famous name Slightly alter the name (make sure the original is obvious) of a famous personage -- past or present, real or fictional -- and describe the resulting nonpersonage, or offer a quote from that person, or both. H
1336 Two ways about it What's something (printable) you could say in two -- or more -- of the provided situations. H
1142 Two-faced tweets Combine two well-known names into a Twitter handle, and write a tweet (no more than 140 characters and spaces) that that portmanteau person might write. H
1127 From the creators of Think up a spinoff of a real TV series, past or present, and furnish a description or bit of dialogue. H
1119 We want hue so bad Invent a name for a color and describe it. H
1085 Eww-venirs: Ideas for gift shops Suggest a humorous--but NOT horribly tasteless--tchotchke, T-shirt, etc., from a real or imagined gift shop at a particular tourist site. H
994 Stick it to us Suggest a slogan for one of our two new honorable-mention Loser Magnets for 2012-2013. H
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. H
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. H
946 Another round of Bierce Write a clever definition of a word, name or multi-word term. H
939 MASH 2: The Retread Combine two movie titles and describe the result. H
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. H
830 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 14 through Aug. 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, an I, two T's and an E. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. 4
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. I
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. H
540 Revisionist History, or Badenov for You? State any news event (or old event) in the style of the Rocky-and-Bullwinkle teasers about the next show. H
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter of the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. H
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. 2
422 Taught Language Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page. H H
404 Balloonacy Create a comic strip of one to four panels. For your dialogue or thought balloons, you may choose from the provided menu. You may invent one line of your own. H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
381 Idiom Savant Take any well-known idiom, or expression, and invent an interesting derivation for it. H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? 3
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 6
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
299 ANOTHER LEFTIST RAG Write the day's tabloid headlines with your left hand only. (This means you can use no keys to the right of 6, T, G and B.) H
298 THE RIGHT STUFF Write a sentence, or phrase, or entire passage, using only your right hand on the keyboard. This means you may use no keys to the left of N, H, Y and 7. H
286 CLINTOONS Make your own Clintoon, a comic strip consisting of any or all of the provided drawings. H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? 1
259 SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY? Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange. H
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. W
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. H
249 BAD NEWS, GOOD NEWS Supply a silver lining for any scourge or social ill facing America or the world. H
246 OUR OWN DEVICES What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer. 2
245 LIKE FUN Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences. W
227 WILD PITCHES Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created to represent it. H W
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H
221 SONG SUNG BROWN Pick any song, pick a well-known line, and give us the discarded first draft. If it is part of a rhyme, you must maintain the rhyme. 1 H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. 1
213 A SIN OF THE TIMES Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical. H
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. 2
210 RANDOM MEMO Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks. 2
204 DOUBLE EXPRESSO Take any well-known colorful expression, and modernize it. H
201 THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE Come up with a new element and its symbol, and provide a brief description of its chemical or physical properties. H
197 DAVE'S WORLD Make David Twenhafel laugh. Any sort of delightful drollery or amusing witticism will do, so long as it is not the sort of lowbrow fare we usually favor. H
193 ASK BACKWARDS VIII You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? 1 H H
185 WONDERLUST Come up with replacements for the Seven Wonders of the World. To qualify, an object must really exist, and be manmade and, in some way, awesome. I
175 FOSSIL FOOLS What would aliens mistakenly conclude about us from any of the provided items? H H
166 DOO WAH DOODY We are looking for really bad lyrics to real rock songs. Your lyrics must be from a reasonably popular song, and you must include the name of the singer or songwriter. W
165 WHEEL OF TORTURE Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases. 2
149 O, NO! Come up with a palindrome, a line that reads the same backward and forward, and then use it as a punchline to a joke. W
137 VELVIS LIVES Come up with a title and/or art gallery blurb for this velvet Elvis painting. L
68 GIVE US A SIGN Come up with new astrological signs for the 1990s, together with one day's horoscope. H
39 WAY OUTSIDE THE LINES Name a new crayon color for the 1990s, with a description. 5
28 MOTHERS-IN-LAW OF INVENTION Propose some drastic change in government to help the economy or otherwise improve the quality of life in America. 2
18 PUNCH US IN THE EAR Give us a motto for The Washington Post. 6

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]