PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR FIL FEIT
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- 5: 5th Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Nan Reiner in Week 1152.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- T: Revised Title for current or next Week's Results.
||Give us a hint
||Write a humorously witty story in 25 words or fewer.
||Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on.
||Give Us a Hint
||Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well.
||Just Drop It, Okay?
||Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it.
||Mess With Our Heads
||Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it.
||A Thousand Times?! No!
||Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions.
||Show Us Some Character
||Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it.
||Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad.
||Whassa Motto Wid You?
||Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories.
||What's the Small Idea?
||Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans?
||What's going on in any of these cartoons?
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||H H |
||Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances.
||Combo, First Blood
||Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered.
||Hyphen the Terrible
||Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed.
||Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined.
||Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print.
||H W |
||THE STALE INVITATIONAL
||Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition.
||CHALK IT UP TO STUPIDITY
||Propose apologies for yourself in the style of Bart Simpson writing on his blackboard.
||SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE
||Tell us what any of the provided sounds are.
||Come up with more Newt Gingrich philosophy to explain the differences between men and women, Democrats and Republicans, dogs and cats, whatever needs explaining.
||INSPECT A GADGET
||What do these machines do?
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]