PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR STEVE FAHEY

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1300 Botch office sensations Add "13" to an existing movie title, and some humorous trouble to the plot. H
1299 OK, hivemind! A contest with new Scrabble words Choose any two of the words in the provided list as the beginning and end of a humorous word chain of 6 to 14 words or phrases. H
1289 Fake gnus: bogus animal trivia Tell us a fictoid -- a humorously false "fact" -- about the nonhuman animal kingdom. H
1274 Heading for a foal -- our horse name 'breeding' contest Your job is to "breed" any two names of the 360 horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and name the "foal" to reflect both names. H
1256 Picture this -- a caption contest Provide a funny caption for any of the provided cartoons. H
1248 C'mon, fess up! Send us a brief "confession" -- there will be categories for true and just-kidding. H
1233 Not The Loser Community  gets a week off (actually  two) from writing contest  entries and will have to  find something else to do  during staff meetings,  sermons, romantic  breakups, etc. H
1221 Who's kidding whom? Take two people from history, past or present, and tell what their child would be like H
1207 Clue us in -- a reverse crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the 72 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1201 Tour de Fours XIII: What's there to NOVE? Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block N-O-V-E. H
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H
1064 HistoRebuffs Alter some moment in history and tell us -- in no more than about 50 words -- the likely outcome. H
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
1005 Send us the bill Name a piece of legislation "cosponsored" by two or more of the 98 new House and Senate members provided. 3
873 Back to Square 1A Replace the shaded letters in this grid with your own letters to come up with a different word or phrase -- either an existing word or one you make up -- and define it humorously. H
864 Oonerspisms Spoonerize a single word or a name by transposing different part of the word (more than two adjacent letters), and define the resultant new term. H
861 It's incumbent upon us Combine the names of two or more freshman members of Congressman to create "joint legislation." This week's pool of legislators includes only those who were elected to their seats before 1994, the first year we ran the freshman contest. H
826 The Inside Word Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks, and redefine the word. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word. 3
779 Gripe for the Picking Rant about any issue that wouldn't make your top 100 for airing in The Post. A
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. 1
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. H H
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. H H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appear to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. 3
716 The Hard Spell Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee. H
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. H
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. 1 H
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H H
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. H
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth words in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H
646 Warped Perspectives Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons. H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. H
627 Per-Verse Write a limerick or other short poem with comically awful rhyming. L
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. L
623 Try to Remember Give us an original mnemonic for any list that someone might want to remember. H
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. 1
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H P
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. H
596 Take Her Words for It Use the words of this week's Ask Amy advice column, as a pool from which to compose your own useful (or useless) thoughts. You may ignore or change capitalization or punctuation. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." W
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. H H
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H H H
579 Another Brilliant Contest! Do Enter! Write us a sentence or phrase consisting of words beginning with consecutive letters, in the A-to-Z direction. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. 1
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. H
575 T Hee Hee Come up with new ideas for both front and back of the Loser T-shirts. H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. 4
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. H
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in on or more of the provided cartoons. 2
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
550 Spring Cleaning Suggest creative uses for things you've already used, or never will use, or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination. 3
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. H
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. 3
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. H
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
525 It Won't Belong Now Tell us which of three cartoons provided does not belong, and why. H
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
510 Universal Embarrassment What would you like to see Miss Universe Pageant contests asked live, on national TV? H H
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. H
503 Doody and Muldoon Write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name. H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. 7 H H H
494 Quote-idian Take any extremely banal piece of familiar writing and rewrite it in the style of a famous writer, poet or lyricist. H
482 Inspect Our Gadgets What are these gadgets? What do they do? H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H
478 Do You Mindset? Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020. H
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. H H
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. H
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. 1 H H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. 4
465 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed. 1 H H
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. H
456 A Bad-Ask Contest You are still on Jeopardy!, and you still have to supply questions to the provided answers, but the winners will be the least funny answers. H
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. 1 H
453 Haiku 2 U2 Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or head. A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem, of three lines. The first and last lines are five syllables; the middle line is seven. H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H
447 Acronimble Take any of the provided witty statements and use the first letters in each of the words to create a brand-new, unrelated funny statement. H H
444 Advice Squad Take any letter from today's advice columns and answer it in the voice of someone famous, living or dead. H
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. 1
429 Shark Instruments Tell us what would be a sign that any current institution--TV show, newspaper feature, magazine, business, etc.--has jumped the shark. H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. 2
426 Captions Courageous Take any photograph of illustration from today's Washington Post and give it a more interesting caption. H
425 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word from any story in today's newspaper and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and propose a definition of the new word you've created. H
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H
417 Initially Mistaken Take any name of person or thing, and construct an appropriate message using its letters, in order, as the first letters of the words of your message. H H
415 Sentence Us to Death Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and invent a question that it answers. H
408 What's In a Name? Take the name of any politician, living or dead, and construct an appropriate message from the letters of the name. You may use any letter as many times as you wish, and you may insert punctuation. H
405 The "Sty"le Invitational Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling. W
402 Spitting the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. H
392 Everyone's a Comic Choose any panel of any comics strip in today's Washington Post and improve it by replacing the original speech and thought balloons with your own, H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take an headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. H
378 Bill Us Now Come up with a bill sponsored by any of the newly elected U.S. senators and representatives, and explain the purpose of the bill. H
377 Week MMDCXLIV Provide a headline (and, if necessary, the first line of the text) for any article that will appear in The Washington Post on this day in the year 2050. H
369 Punch Us Complete any of the provided jokes. 3
360 No Competition Create a list of 25 names, each linked in some way to the name before, and you must begin and end with Mary Ann Madden. H
356 Med Icks Invent a clever name for a new medical product, and specify the condition it would treat. 2 H
348 When We're LXIV Fashion an entry by selecting one from each of the provided menu groups. H
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
325 THE BURMA ROAD Propose welcoming doggerel for states or cities patterned after Burma Shave signs. H
320 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? H
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. H H
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. H H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. H
261 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY II Alter some crucial moment in history, and then tell us the likely outcome. 2
253 IT'S A PITY Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is. H
252 MAKE YOUR MOVIE Propose people who were the secret inspiration for famous movies. H H
241 CAN YOU BEAT THIS? Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another. 1
236 CALLING THE TOON. What is happening here? 1
234 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Complete any of the provided jokes as it would be told by someone famous, living or dead. H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. L
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
165 WHEEL OF TORTURE Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases. H
104 HERE, DOGGEREL Create poems so bad they thud. The first line must be a name. The second line can be as long or as short as you wish. The third line must sound the same as the first line, using the name as a verb or some other part of speech. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]