PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR LLOYD DUVALL
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- T: Revised Title for current or next Week's Results.
- U: Uncle's Pick. Czar kept up an "Uncle" persona for a few Weeks in Year 8, but the data show that it was awarded 72 times, into the Empress era, which is not how I remember it. I'll have to look into that.
||Hearts of dorkness
||Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic.
||Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings.
||You Gotta Have Heart
||Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another.
||Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in.
||The Telegraph Poll
||Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line.
||Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions.
||Nice Job, if You Get It
||Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer.
||The "Sty"le Invitational
||Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling.
||Make great literature and/or a significant expression of the human condition out of the provided randomly-selected words. Use whatever punctuation you choose and any of the words, but only those words, and use them only once.
||Sins of Omission
||Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it.
||T U |
||Describe someone's special little corner of Hell.
||Spinning Out of Control
||Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction.
||Show Us Up
||Combine the names of two existing TV shows (past or present) to make an entirely new show. Then, describe the show.
||Fill in the balloons.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||Come up with a list of at least three Major Life Lessons one can learn from any of the venues provided.
||Everyone's a Critic
||Adopt the style of a famous writer and review any of the provided dishes.
||What do these devices do?
||What Kind of Foal Am I?
||Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]