This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1285 That is so wrong! Supply a trivia question along with both the correct answer and a cleverly "wrong" guess. H
1284 Same difference Explain how any two of the items in the provided list are similar, different or otherwise linked. H H
1266 The Tile Invitational V Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the sets and define it. H
1260 What lies (are) ahead for 2018 Jokingly predict some news event to happen in 2018. H H
1259 Beat the banned with euphemisms Come up with creative euphemisms for the provided words, or for other words that might offend someone or other. H
1254 Inkorporation--a change-one-letter contest Change the name of a present or past business, store or agency (not just a product) by adding one letter, deleting one letter, transposing two letters or substituting one letter for another. H
1253 Fashion x fiction: More fake trivia Tell us some totally bogus trivia about clothing or fashion. H
1228 That movie is SO about you Name someone who was the "secret inspiration" for a certain movie. H
1226 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 61 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents names. H H H
1224 We beg you to differ Explain how any two (or more) items in the provided list are the same or different, or otherwise connected. H
1222 Foaling around "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both of them. H H
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H
1216 As the word turns Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1204 Well, at least … Note some good news for the coming year to comfort -- or "comfort" -- those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. H
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H
1195 Don't change a letter! Alter a movie title only by changing word spacing, changing capitalization, and adding or deleting punctuation marks, accents, etc., then describe the result. H H H
1185 The Rorschach of the crowd Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways. H
1184 Plan C -- a third candidate? Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. H
1173 Tinker with the recipe Slightly change the name of a food or brand of food (or something else in the food industry) and describe it, or write a slogan, jingle, etc. H
1170 Derby or not Derby "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1149 Gestures of depreciation Suggest ways to celebrate National Love Your Lawyer Day -- or a made-up "holiday" celebrating some other profession. P
1143 Ask Backwards Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions. H H
1137 Be a published author! Give us a spicy title for a boring book, real or imagined. H I
1130 Yux Redux: Play on a foreign phrase Make a word play on a foreign phrase or term (or English phrase using foreign words) and describe it. 2
1120 Celebrating our differences Each of the provided 17 items appeared in a different Style Invitational compare/contrast contest from 1996 to 2014. Explain how any two of the are alike or different or otherwise linked. H M
1118 Breed 'em and weep Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names. H
1097 Futz your sign Select a line from one of the horoscopes appearing anytime from Nov. 6 through Nov. 17 in the Washington Post's daily Style or on and "clarify" it with a translation or extra "information". I
1094 TAXI's the fare for Tour de Fours XI Coin a word or hyphenated term that contains the letter block T-A-X-I; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. H
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. M
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplies answers as you like. H H
1083 Everybody get appy Offer up an idea for either a humorously useful app or a humorously counterproductive one. H
1082 Band on the pun Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly -- not necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it's obvious what the original is -- and describe it in some way. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. H
1057 Sportin' lie Give us some fake sports trivia. H
1055 Oh, K! This week, to commemorate both Kevin Dopart and his 1K ink blots: Change a word, phrase of name by adding one or more K's, and define your new term. T
1053 Questionable journalism Quote an actual sentence, from The Washington Post,, or another print or online publication dated between Dec. 26 and Jan. 6, and follow it with a question that the sentence might answer. H
1052 Clue us in Come up with up to 25 creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms that appear in the provided grid. P T
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. H H
1028 Joint Legiflation Combine the names of two or more of the First Congress senators and/or representatives to create "joint legislation". H
1027 Built for two Give humorous related names for any pair of features in a given building, organization, etc. H H I
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H
1021 'Gram theft Come up with a term by scrambling any of the letters sets in the provided list, and define it. H
1020 Colt following Breed any two of this week's winning foals and name the grandfoal. T
1019 What a turnoff Tell us some creative things that children and families could do during Screen-Free Week. H
1018 Reologisms Write a clever, funny definition for any of the Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. H
1016 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and give the foal a name humorously reflecting the names of the parents. H
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. H
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. H
991 Tour de Fours IX Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T, and E and define it. H
988 A faster break Suggest ways to make sports and other leisure activities more time-efficient or exciting. H
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H
964 The Grossery Bag? Suggest a design and/or slogan to go on the side of the ardently desired Style Invitational Loser Bag. H
943 Ask backward XXIX You are on "Jeopardy!" You supply the questions for as many of the provided answers as you like. H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. H
940 Our type o' headline Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead). H
938 Free and Lear Write a limerick using the first two lines of any of Edward Lear's 115 limericks plus your own remaining three lines. H
937 Staake it to him Write a caption for any of the five pages or details pictured from some of Bob's more than 50 picture books. W
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. H
924 Doomed to repeat it Create "Unreal Facts" about history. H
888 It's the eponymy, stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H T
880 Our greatest hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with Q, R or S; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter with another, or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H H
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. H H
874 Stat Us Write a funny Facebook status line. H
873 Back to Square 1A Replace the shaded letters in this grid with your own letters to come up with a different word or phrase -- either an existing word or one you make up -- and define it humorously. H
870 Let's play Nopardy Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question. H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H
859 Can't goods Cast a joke in one of the forms listed above. H
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H
852 Small, Let's get Write a rhopalic sentence (or fanciful newspaper headline) in which each successive word is one letter shorter. H
848 Up and addin' Compose a humorous rhopalic sentence (or multiple sentences) in which each word is one letter longer than the previous word. H
846 Season's gratings Write a brief (50 words or fewer) holiday letter from a personage from past or present, or from fiction. H
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H W
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H H
837 Strip Search Combine two comic strips that appear in The Washington Post or at and describe the results. I
835 Tour de Fours VI Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters T, H, R, and E. H
832 Clue Us In You supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. H H H
828 Inhuman Puns Make a pun on the name of a familiar group, organization or company, and describe it or provide a quote from it. 3 H
827 Caller Idiot Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H W
811 Rock-Bottom Lines Tell us a sign that the economy couldn't get worse. H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. H
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H H
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. H T
793 Take The Fifth Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 725 through Week 789. Each entry must include the word "five" of "fifth" or something fiveish, or -- depending on your favorite anniversary tradition -- something involving (a) wood or (b) silverware. H
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H T
786 Top of the Staake So get your thoughts provoked for No. Umpteen of our cartoon caption contest. H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H H H H
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H H H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. H
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. 4 H
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. M
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on M
717 Pitch Us a No-Hitter Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits. H
713 Painings Name and interpret any of the provided paintings by Fred Dawson. P
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. T
709 A Return Engagement Come up with some novel change to the tax code: a tax on something ought to be taxed, a credit for something that should be rewarded, what the $3 should go to instead of presidential campaigns, etc. H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H H H H
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H H H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. T
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. H
688 Making Short Work Write a humorous six-word story. H H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. T
669 Huddled Messes Suggest some bad advice for new arrivals to this country (legal or illegal). H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth words in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H H N
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. 2 H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H H H
656 It's Post Time Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined. H H H H H
647 Paste Imperfect Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad. W
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. 2
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H W
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H H
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. H
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. H
628 You Gotta Have Connections Choose any two or more items from the provided truly random list and describe how they are alike or different. H
625 Haven't Seen It Make up a new plot for an existing movie title. H
623 Try to Remember Give us an original mnemonic for any list that someone might want to remember. 1
622 Our Sunday Constitutional Write an new article or amendment to the Constitution, using on the words contained in the existing document (including amendments). P
620 Keep the Empress Employed Suggest some original, creative ways that The Post could increase its circulation. H
615 Airy Persiflage Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement. H W
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H T
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
603 Sui Genesis Take one of two of the 50 chapters of the KJV Book of Genesis and draw thou from them, using words in the order in which they appear in the original, your own passage. 1
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H H
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H
590 Send Us the Bill Come up with a bill sponsored by any combination of the newly elected members of Congress and explain the purpose of the bill. H H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H H I
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. H H
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passage, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. I
569 Murphy's Lore Give Eric Murphy advice he deserves on the provided questions. T
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H H T
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant site. H
554 Love the Tiny Tail Stain Write an anagram based on a name or event that's been in the news recently. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. 3
551 Lost in Translation Find us some comical translations-and-back using Google translator. Feed some passage of English text into the tool--25 words max--and ask it to translate it into one of the five languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool and ask it to translate that back to English. H
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. I
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? T
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sound as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. T
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. I
524 Around Things Moving Take the title of any book or movie, rearrange the words, and explain what the new book or movie is about. H
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. H H I
519 Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector? Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington. H H
517 Insert Joke Here Slip a single bogus sentence into next year's State of the Union address, figuring the Prez will probably just read it right off the teleprompter. H
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. H I
513 It's Delete We Can Do Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen. H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession. To form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H
510 Universal Embarrassment What would you like to see Miss Universe Pageant contests asked live, on national TV? T
509 Be a Real Card Come up with a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card occasion. P
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H
501 Questionable Sentences Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question. H P
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H H
492 Cheap Tricks Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times. 2
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. T
490 Eyes on Reprise Submit any good entries you might have thought of, for any previous contest, after the deadline passed. H H
487 Eee! Rotica Come with a passage in a novel that ineptly describes hanky-panky. R
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. 3 H T
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. H H H
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. H
472 Water Stupid Idea Propose bad ideas for saving water in the continuing drought. H H H H
471 Excuses, Excuses Come up with creative new excuses for not turning in homework, not filing your taxes on time, missing church or forgetting your spouse's birthday. H
470 Czar Har Take the name of someone famous, rhyme it with a product, and describe the unholy union. I
465 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed. 4
464 Cursive Writing Come up with a new curse for this millennium. H H
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. H H
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. H H
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? T
453 Haiku 2 U2 Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or head. A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem, of three lines. The first and last lines are five syllables; the middle line is seven. H H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H H
438 What's the Pun Line? Ask a question and answer it, somewhere incorporating the name of a least one famous person. H
430 OMB Directive No. 2 Revisit any contest The Style Invitational has ever run, and rewrite out tawdry past by proposing a new first-prize winner serious and/or decorous enough to please the Ombudsman. H
429 Shark Instruments Tell us what would be a sign that any current institution--TV show, newspaper feature, magazine, business, etc.--has jumped the shark. H H
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H
421 Picture This These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
420 Ha Anxiety Make us laugh. R T
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H H H
415 Sentence Us to Death Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and invent a question that it answers. T
414 No Rest for the Query Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down. H I
413 Bland Ambition Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions. H H H
411 X's and Oaths Take any oath, pledge, declaration or slogan and update it. H H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 3 H H H
409 Nice Job, if You Get It Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer. H
408 What's In a Name? Take the name of any politician, living or dead, and construct an appropriate message from the letters of the name. You may use any letter as many times as you wish, and you may insert punctuation. 3 4 H H T
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. H H
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. T
398 Animal Magnetism Make great literature and/or a significant expression of the human condition out of the provided randomly-selected words. Use whatever punctuation you choose and any of the words, but only those words, and use them only once. H H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. H
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. H
392 Everyone's a Comic Choose any panel of any comics strip in today's Washington Post and improve it by replacing the original speech and thought balloons with your own, H H H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. H
380 The New-Name Offense Propose changes for the names of places and things that need it, either because there is something wrong with their name, or because another name would be so much more descriptive. I
377 Week MMDCXLIV Provide a headline (and, if necessary, the first line of the text) for any article that will appear in The Washington Post on this day in the year 2050. 3
374 Bill Us Later Take a well-known expression and update it for the new millennium. H H
372 Trial Balloons Fill in the balloons. 3 W
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. I
354 Everyone's a Critic Adopt the style of a famous writer and review any of the provided dishes. I
353 Patently Silly What do these devices do? H
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. 2
343 Eastwood Ho. Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression. 2
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
326 COMIC RELIEF Look at today's comics pages, select one panel and one panel only from any comic strip, and rewrite the dialogue. H
325 THE BURMA ROAD Propose welcoming doggerel for states or cities patterned after Burma Shave signs. W
324 A PREQUEL OPPORTUNITY OFFERING Come up with a "prequel" to some classic film or work of literature. You must produce a title and a brief plot summary, which or course must take place prior to the main action of the original work. P
323 THE CONGRESSIONAL RECORD INVITATIONAL Come up with not-quite-ready inventions, past or present. H H L
322 YOU NAME IT Take a well known pair or group of names, extend one of them in some manner, and explain how the group dynamic changes. 1 E
321 INTERPRET THIS Take any of the provided cartoon and come up with a matched pair of interpretations for what is happening. H
320 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H L
318 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H
316 CALLING THE TOON What are these things? H
315 FERMENTING TROUBLE Write a rhyming poem, eight lines maximum, on the subject of cheese or any of the provided items. E
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. L
311 A JERRY-BUILT CONTEST Find cleverly disguised threats to public morality or hallowed American values that may be secretly lurking out there in our culture. P
305 ASK BACKWARDS CMXVI2 You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H W
302 UNSTATED TRUTHS Come up with lines that you'll never hear the provided people say. H P
300 A BRAND NEW CONTEST Come up with celebrity-brand products. H
297 FREE FOR OIL Take any article in today's paper, and write an outraged letter to the editor about it that totally misses the point, either by misreading a word or misunderstanding the topic. H
296 BILL US LATER Choose among the names of any of the newly elected U.S. senators or representatives and propose a bill they might sponsor. H
294 PRODUCT LIARBILITY Take the name of any commercial product and redefine it. 2 E H H H H H
293 THE VERSE OF AMERICA Take any story in today's Washington Post and create a poem or song by stringing together various phrases from that story. Each phrase must be a least two words long. 2 H
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. H H
290 THE WORLD THEORIES Codify some of life's more populist theories. E
288 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these pictures? H
287 BEFORE AND AFTERMATH Begin with a real name, append to it a word, name or expression that completes the bridge, and finally define the resulting phrase. H H H L P
285 ELEVENIS, ANYTWO? Take a common phrase containing a specific number, add or subtract one, and explain the revised phrase. H H I P
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? E H
278 THE STALE INVITATIONAL Begin with a word. Add, subtract or change a single letter only, and then provide a new definition. H
276 SPIT THE DIFFERENCE Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. E H P
273 UNSEENS WE'D LIKE TO SEE Provide examples of any of the provided categories of thing that will never happen. 1 H H H
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. H
265 A SPORK OF GENIUS Come up with new products like the spork: combinations of two existing products that work together in some special way. Name the device and explain its function. H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
263 THE GAME OF THE NAME Propose a bad name for the provided categories. 3 H
260 IT'S A SNAP Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over." H
259 SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY? Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange. H
258 IT'S A BIRD. IT'S A PAIN. Choose one or more of the provided super powers and tell us what you would do with it. E H H I
256 THE PYLE INVITATIONAL Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun. H
254 DOUBLE JEOPARDY! Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and make up a question to which it could be a plausible answer. H
253 IT'S A PITY Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is. H I
252 MAKE YOUR MOVIE Propose people who were the secret inspiration for famous movies. H
251 QUOTH THE MAVEN Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it. 3 H H
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if …" H H
248 STICKER SCHLOCK Come up with a message for our new, mildly sought-after Style Invitational bumper sticker, something that summarizes the grandeur and dignity of this stupid contest. 4
242 SACRED COW PIES Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided. H
237 ASK BACKWARD You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
236 CALLING THE TOON. What is happening here? 3 H
234 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Complete any of the provided jokes as it would be told by someone famous, living or dead. L
231 GIVING QUARTER Suggest a motto for the "tails" side of any of the state-themed quarters. H
230 TALES FROM THE CRYPTOGRAM Take any proper noun--a person, a book, a movie, whatever--and create for it an appropriate cryptogram. H
226 GOING WITHOUT Complete some variation of the expression "An A without a B is like a C without a D." H
225 WE RESPECTfully decline to publish any dumb entries by YOU. Come up with signs for a T-shirt of a bumper sticker that hide the real message in tiny type. A E H I
224 DRAWING CONCLUSIONS What is wrong with these pictures? 2 H H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. H
216 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Pair up any two of the 400-plus horses who have qualified for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their foal, in a maximum of 18 characters, including spaces. 4
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? 2 H H H
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. H H
210 RANDOM MEMO Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks. E
206 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE II Create a new word by combining the first half of any hyphenated word in today's newspaper with the second half of any other hyphenated word elsewhere in the same story, and supply a definition. 5 H H
204 DOUBLE EXPRESSO Take any well-known colorful expression, and modernize it. H H
201 THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE Come up with a new element and its symbol, and provides a brief description of its chemical or physical properties. H I
200 CAPTION CRUNCH IV Supply a new caption to any photograph appearing anywhere in today's Post, to make it funnier. E
198 YOU MUST BE MAD II Come up with proposals designed to infuriate special interest groups. I
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. H H H L W
193 ASK BACKWARDS VIII You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
192 HILL'S BILLS Come up with bills any of the new members of Congress might jointly sponsor. H
190 OFFICE YOU CAN'T REFUSE Come up with a Principle for the Workplace. H
189 YOU CAN PRANK ON IT Come up with a hoax or prank that begins with any of the provided scenarios. 1 H H
185 WONDERLUST Come up with replacements for the Seven Wonders of the World. To qualify, an object must really exist, and be manmade and, in some way, awesome. H
184 ED ANGUISH Create an argument on some social issue, in 75 words or fewer, taking an extreme liberal view. H
182 CAN YOU STOP THIS? Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room. E H
181 YOU CAN TAKE IT TO DEBUNK Take a common slogan or saying and prove it wrong with at least one example. 2 H
180 WHEN IN DOUBT, PUN Take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. E H
179 A CLOCKWORK, UM, UM, ... ER Write single sentences containing no fewer than three examples of rhyming slang. W W W
178 DEEP THROATS Come up with Deep Thoughts, in the style of Jack Handey of "Saturday Night Live." A Deep Thought is a short, simple, seemingly inspirational observation that winds up being cynical, ironic, or just plain weird. H P
177 SOUNDS LIKE TROUBLE Tell us what any of the provided sounds are. H
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. 1 E
171 ON SECOND THOUGHT Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason. H
170 THE ELEMENTS OF SMILE Why are these people smiling? H
169 DIFF'RENT JOKES Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
168 LICENSE TO CARRY A PUN Come up with original jokes like those provided. E H H
165 WHEEL OF TORTURE Complete any of the provided "Wheel of Fortune" phrases. 4 H H
161 CAPITOL MISTAKES Come up with very, very bad advice for first-time visitors to Washington. 1 H
160 SEEKING WISE GUYS Come up with cool new bad-guy terms. H L
158 SO SUE US Come up with frivolous lawsuits. H H H
157 WARNING SIGNS Complete any of these "you might be about to" warning sentences. 6
156 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Create new word by combining the first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of a hyphenated word. Both words must appear in the same story anywhere in today's Washington Post. Each entry must provide a definition for the newly created word. H H
150 TRIAL BALLOONS What are the people saying? H
147 JUST FOR LIFFS Come up original liffs, which identify a familiar, tantalizing concept with a word to define, it pairs it with a perfectly good by underutilized words that just loafs around on maps and street signs. H
146 IT'S LIKE THIS Produce an A and B to complete the expression "A makes about as much sense as B." E
145 LOOIE, LOOIE Come up with paired, themed ladies' room and men's room signs for various types of public places. I
143 IT'S MY PARODY (& I'LL TRY IF I WANT TO) Rewrite any common jingle of theme song in the style of famous writer. E
142 EXHIBITING BAD TENDENCIES Come up with the winner of next year's Turner Prize, which says its aim is to expand ideas of what is art. E H
141 ASK BACKWARD VII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
139 EMPLOYMENT LINES Come up with jobs that make even your crummy job seem good. H
132 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS. What should our loser's T-shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. H H
130 NICELY STATED Create a fictional city to be humorously paired with a real state abbreviation. 2 H
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. 3
128 LIKE, DUH Come up with snappy answers to stupid questions. H
127 GADGET IF YOU CAN Choose one or more of these devices and describe their use. E
126 EVERYBODY'S TALKIN' What are these people, etc., saying or thinking? 1
124 SPOON-FEED US. Come up with spoonerisms, expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words. P
123 WHY IS POOP FUNNY? Come up with creative answers to any of the five questions above that might be asked by a 5-year-old. E
121 IT'S NO USE Come up with useless products. H
119 MUZAK TO OUR EAR Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric. 2
116 WRITE PURE POETRY Write a complete sentence using only the letters contained on the top row of a typewriter. Alternatively, you can use the letters of the first four lines of the standard eye chart. E
103 SEND HELP. Come up with ways to raise some badly needed cash for the District of Columbia. 5
102 HELP! I'M A PRISONER IN THIS CONTEST Come up with fortune cookie messages that you would love to see, but never will. H
98 YOUR CHEATIN' ART Come up with titles for country music songs featuring any one or more of the following themes: cheatin', thievin', drinkin', truckin', lovin' or dogs. 7 H L
88 GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power. H
74 SHIRT HAPPENS In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say? H
69 LAYING DOWN THE LAW Send us some exciting new principles that explain why things happen they way they happen. H
68 GIVE US A SIGN Come up with new astrological signs for the 1990s, together with one day's horoscope. H H H
66 THE SON-OF-SMITH LAW In 50 words or fewer, what do we do about the Chuck Smith problem? H H
65 DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism. H
62 BAD NEWS BEARERS Come up with statements one would not want to hear from friends, relatives, service personnel, etc. H I
51 CAPTION CRUNCH, VOL. II Supply captions for any of these pictures. H
49 A SLALOM OCCASION Come up with events for a Washington Olympics. They can be winter or summer sports, based on bureaucracy or other themes peculiar to Washington, and must include a brief description of the event. H
48 SNIVEL WAR Beg for the coveted Style Invitational T-shirts. R
41 READ-END COLLUSION Design a Style Invitational bumper sticker to be awarded to all Honorable Mentions. H W
37 A STATE OF DISGRACE? Propose any of the following for D.C.: A State Name, A State Flower, A State Bird, A State Slogan, A State Capital, A Governor, An Insulting State Joke. R
34 INSPECT A GADGET What do these machines do? 3
24 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Those are the answers. What are the questions? H
17 REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM Come up with an easy way to reduce the federal deficit, in 20 words or fewer. H
16 I AM ADDICTED TO AN ASININE CONTEST… Come up with sleazy new topics for the daytime talks. H
10 A WEEK THAT WILL LIVE IN EUPHEMY Write us a funny euphemism. 3 H H
7 BEAT THE BANDS Come up with a name for rock bands. H


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]