PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR CHRIS DOYLE

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1281 We only have (googly) eyes for you Send us a photo of something that you have made funny by pasting googly eyes on it; funny titles and captions are optional. H
1280 A la'ugh' a minute with 'air quotes' Highlight part of a word, name or short phrase in "air quotes" to give it a new meaning or description. H H H
1278 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 68 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names, in the style of today's inking entries. H H H M
1277 Come into Beeing with neologisms From any of the 15 provided Spelling Bee letter sets, coin a new term of one or two words and define it humorously. You may also supply an especially clever or funny definition of a real term. H
1276 What 4? A limerick contest Use a limerick using one of the provided lines as Line 5. H H T
1275 That is the question Choose a line from Shakespeare (or a significant part of a line) and pair it with a question that the line could humorously answer. H
1274 Heading for a foal -- our horse name 'breeding' contest Your job is to "breed" any two names of the 360 horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and name the "foal" to reflect both names. H T
1273 Restocking the Cabinet Explain why a particular person -- or thing -- ought to fill a Cabinet post or other U.S. government position. H M
1271 Yodel Doyle's praises with a D-O-Y-L-E neologism Coin a new word or phrase that contains the letters D, O, Y, L and E. H H H
1270 The Style Invitational turns 5 x 5 Write a witty poem, on any subject, in any of these forms:
A. Five lines of five syllables each
B. Five lines of five words each
C. Five lines of iambic pentameter
2 M T
1269 Mess with our (or other) heads Reinterpret (or comments wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) or another publication and dated March 1-12 by writing a bank head. H H T
1268 Playing pinocchio Tell us some humorously bogus trivia about the news media or the publishing or broadcasting industries. M
1267 Jingle bungle Suggest an ill-advised spokesman (dead or alive, or fictional), along with a humorously noooo slogan or jingle. H H
1266 The Tile Invitational V Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the sets and define it. H H H H T
1265 Parody for the course Write a song relating to a class or course of instruction, or to school in general. 3 H
1264 A cry for Yelp: 'Review' any place Write a humorous review, positive or negative, of anyplace (real of fictional) one might visit. 4 T T
1263 Playing the short game Using the three-letter Olympic national abbreviations and/or the abbreviation for any college, tell what would happen if one abbreviated team played another. H
1262 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply one or more creative clues for the provided filled-in crossword grid -- as many as 25 clues in all. H H H
1261 Post mortems -- our annual obit poem contest Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight lines about someone who died in 2017. H
1259 Beat the banned with euphemisms Come up with creative euphemisms for the provided words, or for other words that might offend someone or other. H
1257 The year in redo, Part 1 Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1203 through Week 1229, except for Weeks 1205 and 1206. H H H H M
1256 Picture this -- a caption contest Provide a funny caption for any of the provided cartoons. T
1255 Tour de Fours XIV: SANT is coming Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter-block S-A-N-T; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. H
1254 Inkorporation--a change-one-letter contest Change the name of a present or past business, store or agency (not just a product) by adding one letter, deleting one letter, transposing two letters or substituting one letter for another. H T
1253 Fashion x fiction: More fake trivia Tell us some totally bogus trivia about clothing or fashion. H H H T
1252 It's a med, med, med, med world Invent a clever name for a new medical product, and specify the condition it would treat. T
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H H
1250 Poems of the year(s) Write a humorous poem incorporating three or more terms from a particular year or era listed on Time Traveler. M
1249 Ask Backwards 36 Choose any of the 15 provided items and follow it with a question that it could humorously answer. T
1248 C'mon, fess up! Send us a brief "confession" -- there will be categories for true and just-kidding. H
1247 Script tease Offer a quote from a script whose title you've given a different plot. M T
1246 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or another publication, in print or online, dated Sept. 21-Oct. 2, and pair it with a question it might answer. H H
1245 Call us reprehensible … Complain in a humorously missing-the-point way about something that has appeared in The Washington Post (in print or online) recently, or in another publication. H M
1244 Primed for product reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. T
1242 Generation Yux Give us a "then/now" joke. H H H H H H I
1241 Less taste, more fill-in Give us a novel clue for any word or phrase in which the remaining letters in the provided crossword puzzle fit, across or down. H H M
1240 We GIVE you Limerixicon XIV Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "gh-" or "gi-". 2 H H
1239 MASH 3  Combine two movie titles and  describe the result. H H
1238 D-E-F Comedy Jam (or E-D-F, etc.)  Coin a three­word phrase (you may add an insignificant word or two)  whose words begin with D, E and F — in any order — and describe it. H H H H L
1237 Our alliteracy campaign Rewrite an existing headline from any  publication, print or online — about something in the  news from July 20 to 31, by using alliteration. H
1236 Portmanteaux faux Explain--inaccurately but amusingly--how a real word is a combination of two or more words, with an illustrative sentence, as in the provided examples, or some other funny way. H H W
1235 The Sound of Science Write humorous lyrics on the subject of science or technology, set to a well-known tune. H H H T
1233 Not The Loser Community  gets a week off (actually  two) from writing contest  entries and will have to  find something else to do  during staff meetings,  sermons, romantic  breakups, etc. H H
1232 Picture this -- a caption contest Write a caption for one or more of the provided cartoons. M
1231 TankaWanka 3: Haiku Plus Tu Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And at least two of the lines must rhyme. H
1229 Gorey bits from A to Z Send us one of more edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. H H H T
1228 That movie is SO about you Name someone who was the "secret inspiration" for a certain movie. H
1227 Celebrate ortho-diversity! Name and describe a new life form -- and no letter in the term may be used twice. H H
1226 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 61 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents names. H H H H W
1225 The Ideas of March Suggest a march for some group or field, along with one or more slogans. (You might also, or instead, comment on the march with some pertinent wordplay.) H H
1223 Post again out to mislead public! Write a humorously sensationalistic, misleading headline on an otherwise mundane article or ad published in The Post or elsewhere from April 13 to April 24. H H T
1222 Foaling around "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both of them. 4 H H
1221 Who's kidding whom? Take two people from history, past or present, and tell what their child would be like H H T
1220 O pedantry, O pedantry Give us some humorous pedantry. H
1219 Cast your Bred upon us Write a Lik the Bred verse about someone in the news lately. H
1218 Mess with our -- or anyone else's -- heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online or another publication dated March 9-20) by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. H H M
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. 3 H H
1216 As the word turns Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H H M
1215 A so-so contest (How so-so is it?) Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …" 3 H T
1214 The alternaugural address Write a humorous passage — a “quote,” an observation, a joke, a dialogue, a poem, anything — using only words that appear in Trump’s inaugural address. H H
1213 Punku Write a haiku that incorporates a pun. H H H T
1212 The Tile Invitational IV  Give us a five-, six- or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided sets and define it. H H
1211 The best tweets in history Write a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces) about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional. H H
1209 Invented facts: A fictoid contest Tell us a humorously untrue account of how a product or invention came to be, or got its name. M T
1207 Clue us in -- a reverse crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the 72 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H H H H
1206 Do-over the do-over -- enter any of the year's contests Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1202, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. H H
1205 Could we just have a do-over? Yes, we could. Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1201, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. H H H H
1204 Well, at least … Note some good news for the coming year to comfort -- or "comfort" -- those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. H
1203 You've got the powers Tell us what you would do if you had one or more of the six magical powers provided. H
1202 Don't be afraid of the dark Write lyrics to a song that, in some way, express hope. T
1201 Tour de Fours XIII: What's there to NOVE? Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block N-O-V-E. H H H H
1200 The definitive dozen Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words. H H H H
1198 Give it to us straight Take any sentence from an article or ad in any publication dated Oct. 20 to Oct. 31 — or from an online article dated within that period — and translate it into “plain English,” M
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. M
1196 Hyphen the Terrible Combine either half of a hyphenated word or compound term with either half of another such term to create a new hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously. H H
1195 Don't change a letter! Alter a movie title only by changing word spacing, changing capitalization, and adding or deleting punctuation marks, accents, etc., then describe the result. M T W
1194 Nyetymologies: fake word origins Provide a humorously untrue explanation for the derivation of a word. H H T
1193 Poedtry Write a Poed, which consists of four lines: The first line contains six one-syllable words. The second line contains three two-syllable words. The third line contains two three-syllable words. The fourth line contains one six-syllable word (or a name totaling six syllables.  And at least two of the lines must rhyme. H H L T
1192 Ask Backwards The 15 provided phrases above are the answers. You provide  the questions to as many as you’d like (up to 25 entries  total).  4 H H
1191 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle H T
1190 You're workin' on a chain, gang Create a chain of no more than 15 proper nouns — names of people (real or fictional), products, places, etc. — including one title of a work — in which each H H H H H H H W
1187 Just drop it, okay? Drop the last letter from an existing word, phrase or name and define the result. H H
1186 We're always happy to verse you  Write a humorous poem, of any form, about or “by” the anagram of anyone’s name. H M T
1184 Plan C -- a third candidate? Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket. H
1183 C'mon, be honest with us Write something in roughly the form "If X were more honest, (then) Y. H H T
1182 Where in the wor(l)d? (1) On What3words.com, find one or more humorously appropriate (or ironic) three-word codes at a particular place; or 2) find a three-word code, tell us where it is, and tell us what ought to be there. H H T
1181 Put it in Bee-verse Write a short, humorous poem using one of the 36 provided words, all from the 2016 National Spelling Bee. H M W
1180 Strip search! Find a line of text from any comic strip or panel that appears on the Post's comics pages or on washingtonpost.com/comics, dated anywhere between June 16 and June 27, and either (a) supply a question that the original line could answer, or (b) follow it with your own line of dialogue or reply. H H T
1179 Blasted alphabetical contests . . . Coin a three-word phrase whose words begin with A, B and C -- in any order -- and describe it. H H H P
1178 A ______ of collective nouns Propose one or more funny new names for groups of things. H H H T
1177 The ballad box Write a song related to this year's elections, set to a familiar tune. H
1176 Let 'er RIP: Write and obit line Write a humorous line or two for someone's obituary -- either for a particular person (dead or not) or for a fictional or generic one. H H H
1175 Good luck with 13 Make up a word whose Scrabble letter values add up to exactly 13, and define it. H H H M
1174 Colt following -- It's time for the grandfoals "Breed" any two of the 57 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names. H
1173 Tinker with the recipe Slightly change the name of a food or brand of food (or something else in the food industry) and describe it, or write a slogan, jingle, etc. 4 H
1172 Pieces of 'Pie' Write a short passage -- an observation, a joke, a dialogue, a poem, anything -- using only words that appear in the song "American Pie". H H
1171 What's my (next) line? Take a line from any song and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous rhyming couplet; the second line should match the rhythm of the first, rather than the second line of the song itself. H H M T
1170 Derby or not Derby "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1169 Be caustic by acrostic Review or otherwise describe a movie, book, play or TV show (or Internet equivalent) with words whose first letters spell out the name of the work. H H H M
1168 Asterisky business Tell us an original joke whose punchline can't be understood without knowledge -- not necessarily scientific -- that most of us don't have (which you'll supply with a concise explanation). H H M
1167 So what's to liken? Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different, or connect the some other way. H H
1166 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in text (not a headline) in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated March 10-21 and make up a question that the sentence could answer H M
1165 B all you can B Change a word, phrase or name by adding one or more B's, and/or by replacing one or more letters with B's, and define your new term. H H H H M
1163 Put it in reverse Spell a word, name or phrase backward and define the result in a way that relates to the original. H H H H
1162 An 8-year Re-Onion Write a fictional Onion-type headline. H
1161 Give us four Pinocchios Tell us some false "facts" about politicians, present or past. L T
1160 A remeaning task Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z. H I M T
1159 It's all in the game Come up with a funny/ridiculous board-type game and describe it. 2 H
1157 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1156 Dead letters Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight line about someone who died in 2015. H H H
1155 Vowel movement Choose a title of book, movie, play or TV show; drop all the vowels (including Y when it's used as a vowel); then add your choice of vowels -- as many as you like -- to create a new work; and describe it. H H H W
1154 Tabby Road -- songs for cats Write a song for -- or about -- cats or other animals, set to a familiar tune. T
1153 Be three-paired Choose two or more entities represented by a single three-letter combination from IAA through LZZ, found at the provided link, and say how they are alike or different or have some connection. H W
1152 Oops? You do it again. Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1098 through Week 1148, except for Week 1101, last year's do-over. H H H T
1150 A deviant character Change the name of person or animal -- real or fictional -- by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting one letter for another; or switching the positions of two nearby letters, and describing the results. 3 H H T
1149 Gestures of depreciation Suggest ways to celebrate National Love Your Lawyer Day -- or a made-up "holiday" celebrating some other profession. H T
1148 It's TankaWanka II Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And it must include at least one rhyme. H H
1147 It's E-Z find-a-word -- yours Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1145 A DICEy situation Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block D-I-C-E. 3 H H H
1144 Someone else's business Name a real brand, along with something else it would be a better name for. H H H
1143 Ask Backwards Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions. 2 H H H H
1142 Two-faced tweets Combine two well-known names into a Twitter handle, and write a tweet (no more than 140 characters and spaces) that that portmanteau person might write. 4 H
1141 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online) Sept. 17-28 by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. H
1140 You're giving us a bad name Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note it original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for. H
1139 A little sixty-four play Fashion an entry by selecting one element from each of the provided menu groups. Make sure you indicate the combination you chose (e.g., 2-C-iii). H
1138 Show us your touché Offer an elegantly snide (and original) of anyone living or dead. H
1137 Be a published author! Give us a spicy title for a boring book, real or imagined. H
1136 Gaah! It's Limerixicon XII Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "ga-". H H M
1134 The 'Sty'le Invitational Red'ux' Put quotation marks around part of a word, name or phrase and define the result. 3 T
1133 Are 'hew ready? A contest for clerihews A clerihew is a humorous four-line rhyming poem about a person whose name is mentioned in the first line; in fact, the name must be at the end of that line (or constitute the whole line) so that it has to rhyme with something. The rhyme structure (and we don't want "lazy" rhymes) is AABB: the first line rhymes with the second, the third with the fourth. H H H H T
1132 You and what army? Military fictoids Give us some comically bogus trivia about the military, past or present, ours or theirs. 3 H
1131 One man's trash Suggest a humorous way to reuse one or more of the items listed above -- or anything else advertised on RepurposedMaterialsinc.com. H
1130 Yux Redux: Play on a foreign phrase Make a word play on a foreign phrase or term (or English phrase using foreign words) and describe it. H H H I M
1129 Right in the pampootie Write a humorous short poem (eight lines or fewer) incorporating one of the 50 provided words. H H T W
1127 From the creators of … Think up a spinoff of a real TV series, past or present, and furnish a description of bit of dialogue. H T
1124 Heed! Indeed: Advice verse Write one of the provided reminders as a humorous poem of eight lines or fewer. H
1123 The Tile Invitational III Give us a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided seven-letter sets. H T
1122 Colt Following: 'Grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 65 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect the parents' names. 4 H H
1121 The an(n)als of civilization Briefly describe some "bad day in history" -- you may be creative in what you classify as such -- and sum it up with a humorous heading. H H W
1119 We want hue so bad Invent a name for a color and describe it. H H
1118 Breed 'em and weep Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names. H
1117 You got another sing coming Write a song about a topic or person lately in the news, set to a familiar tune. L T
1116 Punning in place Create a new term using only the letters in a place name. You don't have to use all the letters, but you can't use a letter more often than it appears in the word. H H M
1115 Our type o' headline Change a headline in an article or ad in the Washington Post and then add a "bank head" or subtitle. 4 H H T
1114 Awww together now Write us a humorous headline -- from the past, present, or future -- that puts an optimistic perspective on some otherwise not-so-promising news. H
1113 Our occasional parodies Write a song celebrating someone's birthday or other personal occasion (rather than, say, a holiday), set to a familiar tune. H L
1112 Some SHARP words Coin a word or short term that includes all the letters S, H, A, R, and P. H H H H I
1111 When you riff upon a store Use a wordplay on a song title as a name or slogan for a real or imagined business. H H H H H H T
1110 The mama of all humor Write a [Someone’s] Mama joke for some well-known figure, past or present, real or fictional. H H
1109 Fictoids of Columbia Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area. H H H T
1108 Hearts of dorkness Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic. H H
1107 Send us the bill Combine two or more names from the list of members of Congress on this page to "cosponsor" a bill based on their combined last names, and state its purpose. H H
1106 Show your resolve Suggest a New Year's resolution that someone might make 100 or more years in the future. H M T
1105 A lit obit of fun Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight line about someone who died in 2014. H W
1104 A pair of threes Choose two or three entities represented by a single three-letter combination beginning with E- through H- — see the links at bit.ly/abbrevs-e-h — and say how they are alike or different. 3 H H H H H H M
1103 Themes good enough for us Suggest an existing song to be used as the theme for a TV series or program for comic effect. T
1102 Let's get Sirius Suggest a new radio channel and describe it. H H
1100 Pun and ink -- the feghoot Contrive an elaborate scenario that ends in a novel groaner pun on a familiar expression, title, etc. 2 H H L M
1099 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in an article in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated Nov. 20 through Dec. 1 (in print, any article from those days' papers), and make up a question that the sentence could answer. H H T
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H
1097 Futz your sign Select a line from one of the horoscopes appearing anytime from Nov. 6 through Nov. 17 in the Washington Post's daily Style or on washingtonpost.com and "clarify" it with a translation or extra "information". 3 H
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon. M
1095 TankaWanka! Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And it must include at least one rhyme. H H H H
1094 TAXI's the fare for Tour de Fours XI Coin a word or hyphenated term that contains the letter block T-A-X-I; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. 2 H H
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. H
1091 Good idea! or not. Come up with a good idea and, through a small change in wording, a bad idea. H H
1090 Talk undirty to us Write a humorous poem in any form (no more than eight lines) that includes one or more of the provided words; the word must make sense in the poem in its TRUE meaning. 2 H
1089 It's E-Z Find-a-Word -- your own! Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1088 Ask backwards with our answers, your questions Supply the questions to as many of the 16 supplies answers as you like. 3 H H H
1086 Playing the dozens 1. Start with any 12-letter word, name or multi-word phrase.
2. Add one letter OR drop one letter OR substitute another letter OR switch the position of two letters to create a new term, as in the examples given.
3. Define or describe the result humorously.
H I
1085 Eww-venirs: Ideas for gift shops Suggest a humorous--but NOT horribly tasteless--tchotchke, T-shirt, etc., from a real or imagined gift shop at a particular tourist site. H
1084 Limerixicon XI: Fi-, fo-, go! Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "Fl-" through "fo-". 2 H H
1082 Band on the pun Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly -- not necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it's obvious what the original is -- and describe it in some way. H H H T
1081 It's the stupidity, stupid Write us stupid questions that will make us laugh. M
1080 McGonagall with the windiness Memorialize a modern "tragedy" in a poem burdened with hilariously overwrought verse; lame, forced rhymes; and painfully uneven meter. Get the badness across in one verse of no more than eight lines. M
1079 Little piddle riddle Ask a question and answer it with a rhyme. H H
1078 Hyphen the Terrible Combine one side of any hyphenated word or compound term with one side of another word to make a new hyphenated term, and define it humorously. Both halves must appear in the same issue of The Post or another print newspaper, or in writing published the same day on washingtonpost.com or another online publication. 4 H H H H
1077 Time marches Swiftly Give us a novel Tom Swifty, playing on either an adverb or a verb (e.g., "We care about the little people, the BP chairman gushed"). H H
1076 Dactyly fractyly Send us some double dactyls that conform to Gene Weingarten's rules. H
1074 Let's go parody-hopping Describe a stage or movie musical in a parody of a song from a different musical. H
1073 Bank shots: Mess with (y)our heads Quote a headline appearing in the Washington Post, washington.com or another publication, print or headline, dated May 22 to June 1, and supply a bank" headline that either misinterprets it, as in the examples above, or comments wryly on it. H H
1072 The Tile Invitational Come up with a 5-, 6-, or 7-letter term by scrambling any of the given seven-letter ScrabbleGram sets, and define it. H H T
1071 A pair of threes Choose two or three entities represented by a single three-letter combination at bit.ly/3letterabs and say how they are alike or different. H H H H H
1070 Colt following -- our grandfoals contest "Breed" any two of the foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect the parents' names. 3 H
1069 It's a small, small world Write a humorous poem of no more than eight lines -- it doesn't have to rhyme -- using only the top 1,000 words on Wiktionary.org's list of the most common among 20 million words found in movie and TV scripts. H L
1068 An iffy proposition Suggest some humorous action that you would take if you were in someone's position, more or less in the form "If I were _____ my first act would be _____." H
1067 A(t)tribute to your wit Alter a well-known quote slightly and attribute it to someone else. H H H M T
1066 It's mating season "Breed" any two from the provided list of 100 of the 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown and name the foal to reflect both names. H H
1065 The ands have it Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it. H H
1063 Same difference Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different. T
1062 Scanning the headlines Write a rhyming poem about something currently in the news. 2 H H
1061 Less taste, more fill-in Give us a novel clue for any word or phrase in which the remaining letters in the provided crossword puzzle fit, across or down. M
1060 Picture this Write a caption, or captions, for one or more of the provided cartoons. T
1059 With parens like these … Add some words in parentheses to a well-known song title to make it funnier in some way. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. H
1056 Weather or nuts Coin a term relating to the weather, climate, etc. -- either literal or figurative -- and define it. H
1055 Oh, K! This week, to commemorate both Kevin Dopart and his 1K ink blots: Change a word, phrase of name by adding one or more K's, and define your new term. H
1054 Dead letters Write a short, humorous poem commemorating someone (or maybe even something) who died in 2013. H
1052 Clue us in Come up with up to 25 creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms that appear in the provided grid. H H
1051 Love the tiny tail stain! Create an anagram -- a text with the letters rearranged -- of any text (except merely someone's name), of any length, referring to something or someone in the news. 2 H H L
1050 Just redo it Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1000 through Week 1046. H H
1048 Ask Backwards You supply the questions to as many of the provided answers as you like. H H H
1047 Bank shots Quote a headline appearing in The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com or another publication, print or online, dated Nov. 14 to Nov. 25, and supply a humorous "bank" headline that either misinterprets it or comments wryly on it. H H
1045 Songs for the asking Take a sentence, phrase or title forms a song and provide a funny question it might answer. H I
1044 Play it safe Come up with a comically safety-conscious rule for the workplace or elsewhere. T
1043 Rechanneling celebrity Describe a TV reality show featuring a celebrity pursuing some unlikely endeavor. H
1042 Tour de Fours X: Go SANE Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block S-A-N-E -- in any order, but consecutively, and define it. H W
1041 What have you got to lose? Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song. H
1040 IRS my case Schedule A: Suggest a novel way for the government to determine taxes.

Schedule B: Suggest a deduction that you'd like to take, or that some real or fictional person or past or present might like to take.

Schedule C: Suggest a cause you'd rather check off $3 for.

H H M
1039 Shookespeare Combine any of the words in Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" soliloquy, in any order, to create a humorous sentence or longer passage. H T
1038 It's like this, see Answer a simple question with a ridiculously argued answer citing various connections and parallels. H H M T W
1036 Just for liffs Use a real place name, from anywhere in the world, as a new term. H H
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. 4
1034 What's to like? Supply an original joke of the form "I like my [your choice] the way I like my [something else of your choice]: [some clever, funny parallel]." T
1033 LimeriXicon Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "fa-". H H
1032 Hid stuff Explain the symbolism "obviously" evident in any well-known site, artwork, etc., in 75 words or fewer. T
1031 The 'Sty'le Invitational Choose any word, name, or short term; emphasize a key, suddenly pertinent part of it with quotation marks; then redefine the word. H H
1030 The cinquain feeling Write a clever cinquain. The five-line form is straightforward: first line, two syllables; second line, four syllables; third line, six; fourth line, eight; fifth line, two. 2 H H T
1029 Ditty Harry Write a descriptive theme song for a well-known movie, set to a well-known tune. H
1027 Built for two Give humorous related names for any pair of features in a given building, organization, etc. H T
1025 In so many words Create an original backronym for a name or other term, especially one that's been in the news lately. 2 H H H M T
1024 Gorey thoughts Send us some edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. The pairs are AB, CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OP, QR, ST, UV, WX, and YZ. H
1023 Hai there, Martians! Write one or more humorous haiku that will greet the Martians or share a little nugget of what life is like on Earth. 4
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. T T
1021 'Gram theft Come up with a term by scrambling any of the letters sets in the provided list, and define it. H
1020 Colt following Breed any two of this week's winning foals and name the grandfoal. H H
1019 What a turnoff Tell us some creative things that children and families could do during Screen-Free Week. L
1018 Reologisms Write a clever, funny definition for any of the Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. 2 H
1016 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and give the foal a name humorously reflecting the names of the parents. H H H
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. 4 I
1014 Join now Combine the beginning and end, or the beginnings and ends, of any two words in single Washington Post story or ad published March 21 to April 1 into a new word or two-word phrase, and define the result. H H H H
1013 Har monikers Write a riddle that uses a pun of a person's name in the answer. H H H
1012 The news at 5 Write a limerick about a recent news event. 4 H T
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H H H H H H H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. M T
1009 What's in a name? Write something about some person, real or fictional, using only the letters in the person's name. 3 H H
1007 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H H H H H H
1004 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012. H H L
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. H
1001 Make us ROFL Give us a funny, original acronym. H H
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. H M
999 Drectrospective Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 946 through Week 995, except for Week 948. H H H M
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. 3 H H
996 A Life-Time opportunity Combine two magazines or journals and describe the result, supply a marketing pitch, or suggest a story or two that it might publish. H H T
993 Versus, verses Write a short "rap battle" between any two characters, real or fictional. M
991 Tour de Fours IX Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T, and E and define it. H H
990 Indecent relations Pair two people, real or fictional, who have the same last name; say how they're alike or different, or something they might do (even in fantasy), as a pair. H H
988 A faster break Suggest ways to make sports and other leisure activities more time-efficient or exciting. T
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. H
984 Another brilliant contest Write something whose words begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet. 3 H
983 Limerixicon IX Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters "eq-" through "ez-". 3 H H
982 The parody line Set your own, humorous words to the tune of a well-known song--except that you must preserve one of the original lines. H H H H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. H
978 A reason to rhyme the news Write a short verse about something that's been in the news recently. H
977 Lost in Translation 2.0 Translate a line of text from English into another language using Google Translate; then copy that result and translate it back into English. You may also make intermediate steps into one or more other languages. H H H M
976 Join now! Combine the beginning and end of any two words or names in this week's Style Invitational or Style Conversational columns to make a new term, and define it. H H H T
975 Gone mything Debunk a "Sixth Myth" about one of more of the recent "5 Myths" topics provided. H
974 Eat our dust! Write a limerick humorously describing a book, play, movie, or TV show. H H H W
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H H
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. H
970 Couple it Take a line from any well-known poem and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous couplet. 3 H H
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. 2 H H
967 Overlap dance II Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result. H H T
966 Inkremental change Start with any word or name, and create a series of words that change by one letter at a time, until you come up with a related word or name. 3 H I T
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H H H
964 The Grossery Bag? Suggest a design and/or slogan to go on the side of the ardently desired Style Invitational Loser Bag. H
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" who name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. H H
962 Questionable journalism Take any sentence (or a major part of it) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through March 19 and supply a question it could answer. H
961 The end of our rhops Write a funny passage or headline whose words all have the same number of letters. H H H W
959 Out of network Move a current or former TV program (or type of programming) to a different network and explain what would change. H
958 All's Weller Write a "wellerism," a sentence that starts with a quote, often a short proverb, and goes on to include some sort of wordplay on something in the quote. H T
955 Twits' twist Create a phrase by combining a word or phrase with an anagram of that word or phrase, and define or describe it. 2 H H H
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H
952 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2011. H H
950 Of all the nerve! Give us a humorous example of hypothetical chutzpah. H
948 Look back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 891 through 94 (except for Week 896, which was the same contest for the previous year). H H M T
947 Tour de Fours VIII: Neologisms Come up with a new word or two-word term that includes the letter block N-O-E-L, in any order but with no other letters between them, and define it. 2 H H
946 Another round of Bierce Write a clever definition of a word, name or multi-word term. H H H H
945 Laugh-baked ideas Cleverly depict a person, event or phenomenon of the 21st century — real history as well as scenes from movies, books, videos, etc. — using edible materials, and send us a photo of your creation. T
943 Ask backward XXIX You are on "Jeopardy!" You supply the questions for as many of the provided answers as you like. H
942 Singular ideas Give us an idea for a contest for which there's likely only one good entry. H T
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. T
940 Our type o' headline Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead). H H H H T
938 Free and Lear Write a limerick using the first two lines of any of Edward Lear's 115 limericks plus your own remaining three lines. H H H H T
936 Hoho contendere Slightly alter a well-known foreign-language term and define it. H T
935 The 400 blows Write a humorous poem--choose your form--about the Virginia earthquake, Hurricane Irene or another well-known natural event. H T
934 Same difference Explain how any two items in the provided list are similar or different. 2 H H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H H
931 Limerixicon 8 Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters ea- through -el. H H H H T W
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. H
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H T
925 A remeaning task Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O. H H H H H
924 Doomed to repeat it Create "Unreal Facts" about history. H
922 A Banner Week Write entirely new, humorous lyrics to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner”; they can be on any subject. H H
921 Give Us Willies Write an original Little Willie poem, perhaps reflecting our current era. This is a venerable four-line genre in which Master W. does some nasty thing and doesn't tend to learn to be a Good Boy by poem's end. H L
920 Sarchiasm Write an original chiasmus, in which the elements of a phrase are inverted for comedic effect. 4 H H H H H H H H H
919 Good Luck With 13 Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result. H
918 Colt Following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, or one foal with one of the real horse names used in today's entries--and name the "grandfoal." The name may not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn't remotely duplicate any of today's results. 2 H H
917 Wryku Write a haiku--a sentiment that can be broken into three lines with exactly five syllables in the first lien, seven in the second, five in the third--on any subject that's been in the news in the last couple of weeks. H M
916 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. M
914 Foaling around Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H H M
913 Bring up the rear Move the last letter of an existing word or name to the front of the word, and define the new term. H
912 Pair-a-phrase Lift a word that appears inside a longer word; pair it with the original word to create a phrase; and define it. 3 H
910 Your ad here Slightly alter an advertising slogan so that someone else could use it. H H
909 Reprizing Suggest humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. M
908 Recast away Fire an actor or actress from a movie or TV show, past or present, and offer a replacement for the role. H M T
907 Naming rite Come up with a creative, somehow fitting sponsor for some public facility or part of one. H H T
906 Your mug here Give us a new design for the Loser Mug. H H
904 We move on back Move the first letter in a word or name to the end of that word and define the resulting word. H H H
903 Bill us now Combine the names of two or more members of Congress as co-sponsors of a bill. H
901 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2010. 2 H H H
900 Dear us! Submit a "Dear Blank" letter to us instead. W
899 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H H
896 Other people's business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. 3 H
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. 4 H
894 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational from Week 841 through Week 890 (except for Week 844). H H
893 Give us a hint Write a humorously witty story in 25 words or fewer. H
892 Get a move on Change the location of something for humorous effect. Provide an explanation if you wish. 2 H H
891 Mirror, Mirror Write a word-palindrome sentence, in which the first and last words are the same; the second and next-to-last, etc. H H H
890 Double-teaming Combine the names of any two pro sports teams -- even from different sports -- and describe the result. M
889 Tour de Fours VII Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters P, O, L and E. H H H H H H H L W
888 It's the eponymy, stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence 3 H H H
887 Plus-Fours Write a limerick whose third or fourth line is one of those listed above. H H H H H
886 Look both ways Give us a new term that's a palindrome and define it. H H H T
885 Mess with our heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head." H H H H
882 Limerixicon VII Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters dr-. 2 H H H H H H H
881 What's in a name? Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. H H H H H
880 Our greatest hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with Q, R or S; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter with another, or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H H T
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. H
876 Oilies but goodies Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. H H H H
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. H
874 Stat Us Write a funny Facebook status line. H
873 Back to Square 1A Replace the shaded letters in this grid with your own letters to come up with a different word or phrase -- either an existing word or one you make up -- and define it humorously. H H H
872 Har Monikers Combine the first parts of each word in a famous person's or character's name -- in order -- and define it or use it in a sentence that somehow refers to its source. H
871 Remarquees Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. H H
870 Let's play Nopardy Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question. 3 H M
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
867 Back in the saddle Breed any two of the foals in today's results -- OR one foal with one of the actual horses used in today's entries, and name the grandfoal. 3 H H
866 Natalie Portmanteau Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define (humorously, of course) the resulting phrase. H H H T
864 Oonerspisms Spoonerize a single word or a name by transposing different part of the word (more than two adjacent letters), and define the resultant new term. H H H H H
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H H H
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. H H H
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H
857 All FED Up Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet -- but the series must go backward through the alphabet. H
856 Titled Puerility Here are some untitled book covers. For any of them, tell us a title and synopsis of a book that will never by published. H T
855 The news could be verse Sum up an article (or even an ad!) in any Washington Post print or online edition from Feb. 6 through Feb. 15 in verse. H M T
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H H
852 Small, Let's get Write a rhopalic sentence (or fanciful newspaper headline) in which each successive word is one letter shorter. 4 H H
851 Going to the shrink Downsize the title of a book, movie or play to make it smaller or less momentous and describe it. H M
850 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2009. 4 H H H
849 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym (or homophone) for any existing word and define it. H H
848 Up and addin' Compose a humorous rhopalic sentence (or multiple sentences) in which each word is one letter longer than the previous word. H H H H W
847 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from Dec. 11 through Dec. 21 and come up with a question it might answer. H H H M
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H H H H H
844 Healthy choice Enter any Style Invitational from Week 790 through Week 840, except for Week 793 and Week 798. 2 H H H M
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H H H
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H
841 Food for naught Alter the name of a food or dish slightly and describe the result. H M
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. H H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H H
838 Picture This Provide a caption for any of these pictures. H
835 Tour de Fours VI Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters T, H, R, and E. H H
834 Fractured Compounds Combine two full words within any single article appearing in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com into a hyphenated compound word, and define or otherwise describe the result. 2 H H H H H H M
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H H
832 Clue Us In You supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. H H H H H H
829 Limerixicon 6 Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters di-. 2 4 H H H H H
828 Inhuman Puns Make a pun on the name of a familiar group, organization or company, and describe it or provide a quote from it. H H M
827 Caller Idiot Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person. L
826 The Inside Word Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks, and redefine the word. H H H H H
825 Disinstrumentals Write some words to music that has no words. W
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. H H L
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H H
821 Spit the Difference How are any of the items on the list above alike or different? H
820 Be Mister Language Person Supply a Mister Language Person-type question and answer. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H M
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. H
817 Flopflip Reverse the first half and second half of a word or name and define the result. H
816 Googillions Come up with an original phrase that generates at least 1 million listings on a Google search. H H T
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, and I, two T's and an E. H H H H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H H H H H
813 Aw, Shocks Give us a humorous example of the "shocking -- not." H H T
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." T
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H H
808 Take Us At Our Words Create a humorous poem or other writing using only the words contained in this week's Style Invitational column or results. 3 H H H H H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H H H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. H H
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. 2 H H H M
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. H H H H T
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H
798 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem commemorating someone who died in 2008. H H H M
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. H
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. 4 H H H H H H H
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. H
793 Take The Fifth Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 725 through Week 789. Each entry must include the word "five" of "fifth" or something fiveish, or -- depending on your favorite anniversary tradition -- something involving (a) wood or (b) silverware. H H
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H H H
791 The 1K Club Supply a chain of 20 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "Chris Doyle." 2 H H
790 If Only! Explain how the world would be different had some event not occurred. W
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H T
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, N and E. H
786 Top of the Staake So get your thoughts provoked for No. Umpteen of our cartoon caption contest. H
785 The Ballad Box Write a short, humorous song somehow relating to the presidential campaign, set to a familiar tune. H H H H H H M
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H H H T
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word. 5 H H H H H H H H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H H
778 Tied Games Combine any two sports or nonathletic activities into a single sport or game. H
777 Limerixicon 5 Supply a humorous limerick featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters da-. H H H H H H M W
775 Ad-dition Combine the beginning and end of any two words appearing in any single advertisement in The Post or on washingtonpost.com, from today through Aug. 4, and then define the new word. H H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. 3 H H
772 Make It Simile, Stupid Translate a sentence or two of literature or other good writing so that "Los Angeles residents under 40" can appreciate it. H M
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H H H H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. 3 H H H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. M
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H H H H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. H H H H H
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H H H H
758 Wrong Address Using any of the words of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, in whatever order you like, create your own passage. H
757 Gorey Thoughts From A to Z Send us some rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. H H
755 Take Another 'Whack Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces exactly one Web page on the Google search engine and describe the phrase. 2 H H H H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. 2 4 H H H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H T
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H H
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. H H H H H H H T
748 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about a well-known personage who died in 2007. H H
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H H H H M
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H
735 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731. H H
734 Turnaround Time Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other. 2 H H H H L
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H H H H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." 5 H H
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H H H H M
726 Limerixicon 4 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. 2 H H H H
724 Abridged Too Far Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines. H I
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. H H H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. H
720 The Course of Humor Events Sum up a historical event in a two-line rhyme or other clever and pithy epigram. H H H W
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H H H H H H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on washingtonpost.com) H H H
716 The Hard Spell Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee. H H H H
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. W
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. 2 H H H H H
712 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in the results of Week 708, and name THEIR foal. 3 H H H H
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. 2 H H H H H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. 3 H H H H H
707 What Would YOU Do? Use only the words appearing in "The Cat in the Hat" to create your own work of "literature" of no more than 75 words. H H H H W
706 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24 through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. 2 H H
704 Another Game of Tag Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional. H
700 Stump Us Come up with someone's slogan for the 2008 presidential campaign. H
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H H H H H H H H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. H
696 Send Us the Bill Come up legislation the newly-elected members of Congress might sponsor together. H
695 Dead Letters Write a poem about someone who died in 2006. H H H W
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H H H H H H H W
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. T
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. 2 H H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H
681 Ticket to Write Write a jingle for a business (or its product), organization or government agency, set to a Beatles song. H H H
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. 2 H H H H
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. H H H H H H W
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. 2 H H H H H H H
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. H H H H H H
669 Huddled Messes Suggest some bad advice for new arrivals to this country (legal or illegal). H
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. 2
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth words in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. 3 H H H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. T
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H M T
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H H H H T
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. H H T
658 Not in the Cards Send us ideas for cards that would likely be ruled "FBN" (Funny, But No) by Hallmark but F&YYY by the Empress. H H
657 Nuts Fruit Send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of fruit. H
656 It's Post Time Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined. 2 H H H H H H H
655 Laughing Inside Take any article appearing in The Washington Post or online on washingtonpost.com from today through April 3 -- the more serious and/or mundane its headline, the better -- and write a funny poem or other passage using only words that appear in that article. H H H L T W
653 It's the Eponymy, Stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. 1 H
649 Across the Wide What? Give us some Virginia-appropriate lyrics for "Shenandoah." W
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H H W
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rule. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. T
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H H H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. 2 H H H H H H
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. H
636 A Song From Tex Arcana Write a verse of a song about sea urchin sushi or any of the other provided ostensibly unlyrical topics. H H H
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from than original winners. H H H H W
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. H H H H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. 1 H H W
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply to result. 3 H H H
627 Per-Verse Write a limerick or other short poem with comically awful rhyming. H
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. H H H H H H H H H H T W
623 Try to Remember Give us an original mnemonic for any list that someone might want to remember. H H H W
622 Our Sunday Constitutional Write an new article or amendment to the Constitution, using on the words contained in the existing document (including amendments). 2 H H H H L
621 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article in washingtonpost.com anytime through Aug. 8 and supply a question it could answer. H H
619 WordCount Us In Write a poem of no more than four lines containing four or more consecutive words on the WordCount list. They must occur in the sentence in the order they appear on the list. 3 A H T
618 Of D.C. I Sing Give us a song about Washington, set to a recognizable tune. H H
617 Best the Best Write something about any famous personage that uses only the letters in his or her name. H H H H H H W
613 Tour de Fours II Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order. 3 H H H H H H H H H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H H
609 A2D2 Give us some funny "corrections" to brighten up Page A2. H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H H
606 The News Could be Verse Translate the fine prose of Washington Post articles into verse. Choose any article appearing in The Post of on its Web site from April 17 through April 25. 2 H H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. 2 H H
604 Fun for the Roses Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces. 1 H H
603 Sui Genesis Take one of two of the 50 chapters of the KJV Book of Genesis and draw thou from them, using words in the order in which they appear in the original, your own passage. H H H H L
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. 4 H H H T
600 Top of the Inking Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals. H
598 Site Gags Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution. H H H T
597 Eccchsibits Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital. H
596 Take Her Words for It Use the words of this week's Ask Amy advice column, as a pool from which to compose your own useful (or useless) thoughts. You may ignore or change capitalization or punctuation. H L
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H H H H T
593 Take This, Job, and … Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. 2 H H
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. H
591 Dead Letters Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year. H
590 Send Us the Bill Come up with a bill sponsored by any combination of the newly elected members of Congress and explain the purpose of the bill. H H H
589 Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!) Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it. H H H H H H H H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." 2 H H
585 It's Parody Time Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular. 2 H H H H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H
583 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely. H H H
582 Perversery Rhymes Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. H
581 Evil Things in Store Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate. T
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H H H
579 Another Brilliant Contest! Do Enter! Write us a sentence or phrase consisting of words beginning with consecutive letters, in the A-to-Z direction. H H H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. 4 H H
576 Well, Excuuuuse Us! Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection. H T
573 Thine Ad Goest Here Propose biblical and other literary passage, poems, etc., that could benefit from product placement. H
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. H H H H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. 4 H H H H H H H H H H I
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. 3 H H H
569 Murphy's Lore Give Eric Murphy advice he deserves on the provided questions. 2 H H
568 Tome Deftness Make a pun or similar wordplay on a book title. 1 3 H H H H H L
567 A Running Gag Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign. H H
566 Get Whack Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result. H H H H H H H
565 Anthem Is as Anthem Does Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune. H H H H W
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H H H
563 Take Two Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other. 2 H H
562 The LMNs of Style Write a funny sentence (or more) that you spell with only the sounds of the names of letters and those of numbers 1 through 9. 1 3 H H T
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. H H H H H T
560 The 97.5-Meter Dash Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time. H H H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. H H T W
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor is any of the provided genres. 1 H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. 2 H H H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H H H H
555 A Tsk, A Task Come up with a super-wholesome passage of 25 words or fewer that would likely be banned by the admirable, ever-vigilant Neopets.com site. H H
554 Love the Tiny Tail Stain Write an anagram based on a name or event that's been in the news recently. 2 H H H H H H H H H W
553 Picture This Tell us what's going on in on or more of the provided cartoons. H H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. 5 H H H H H
551 Lost in Translation Find us some comical translations-and-back using Google translator. Feed some passage of English text into the tool--25 words max--and ask it to translate it into one of the five languages offered; then copy the result back into the tool and ask it to translate that back to English. H H H
549 Show Us Your Best Quantities Come up with novel units of measure, and explain or quantify them. 3 H H H H
548 Inklings Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies. H H H
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. 2
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. 3 H H H H
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. H H H H H
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H L W
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any of readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H H T W
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. H H H H H T W
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H H
540 Revisionist History, or Badenov for You? State any news event (or old event) in the style of the Rocky-and-Bullwinkle teasers about the next show. H H H H H H H W
539 Dead Letters Pay tribute in verse to someone who died in 2003. 3 H H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H H H
537 The New York Post Liven up any article appearing in The Washington Post or its Web site over the next eight days by giving it an irresponsibly sensationalistic headline. H H H T
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. H H
535 Picture This Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons? 1 H H
534 The Feminine Touch Propose how any male-dominated occupation of institution would change if it suddenly became female-dominated. H H H T
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. H T
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H H H W
531 Your Cynic Duties Come up with a saying that sound as if it's going to be inspirational, but winds up being cynical, misanthropic or sad. H
530 Tri Harder Take any word, alter it in three ways--by adding a letter, by subtracting a letter and by changing a letter--and redefine all three new words. H
529 United We Stanza Summarize in four rhyming lines of verse any famous document, theory, principle or speech. 2 H H H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H H H
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. 4 H
526 Conventional Wisdumb Answer any of the provided questions. H
525 It Won't Belong Now Tell us which of three cartoons provided does not belong, and why. H
524 Around Things Moving Take the title of any book or movie, rearrange the words, and explain what the new book or movie is about. H H
521 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word in today's Washington Post (or Tuesday's USA Today) and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and define the new word it produces. 1 H H H H
519 Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector? Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington. 2 H T
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." 2 H H H
515 A Cellebration of Tasteful Living Come up with ways that Martha Stewart can prettify and improve her new prison surroundings using only her skills, her impeccable taste and those resources available to her. H H H
513 It's Delete We Can Do Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen. H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession. To form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H H H H W
511 It All Impends Tell us what is something unusual about to happen in the provided cartoons. 3 H
510 Universal Embarrassment What would you like to see Miss Universe Pageant contests asked live, on national TV? H
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. 1 H H H H H
507 Crocktails Come up with a drink named for something or someone associated with Washington and describe the drink. 1 2 T
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. 4 H H H
505 The Rule of Dumb You are given $1 million. Conditions: (1) You must spend it all. (2) You must use it in a way that neither directly nor indirectly works to your financial benefit. (3) You may not use it to alleviate the suffering of anyone on Earth, or for any public-spirited project other than the joy of stupidity. H H
504 Life Is Snort Write a schmaltzy last line of a "Life Is Short." H
503 Doody and Muldoon Write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name. H W
501 Questionable Sentences Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post and make it the answer to a question. H H T
500 Ergo-Nomics Create a sillygism--a syllogism that doesn't quite work. H H T
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. 1 H H
498 Unamazing But True! Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way. H T
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contest listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. 2 H H H H H H
495 Words of One Syl- … Um, Just Short Words Take some complex issue of any sort and explain it to all us morons entirely in words of one syllable. 3
490 Eyes on Reprise Submit any good entries you might have thought of, for any previous contest, after the deadline passed. 3 H H H H H H H H H H H H H
489 Combo, First Blood Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered. 1 H H
487 Eee! Rotica Come with a passage in a novel that ineptly describes hanky-panky. H
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. W
485 Asterisky Business Write a joke with a punch line depending on knowledge so esoteric that it requires an asterisked explanation. 1 H H H H H
484 Manufracturing Take any product and explain how it would be different if it were designed by a different existing company. H H
483 Obitter Fate Give us an obit headline for some famous person, currently living or dead. H
482 Inspect Our Gadgets What are these gadgets? What do they do? T
481 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym of any existing word, and define. The new word must be spelled in such a way that is obviously pronounced identically to the original word. H H H H H H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. T
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. T
478 Do You Mindset? Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020. H
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. 3 H H H H H H
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. 5 H H H T
472 Water Stupid Idea Propose bad ideas for saving water in the continuing drought. H T
470 Czar Har Take the name of someone famous, rhyme it with a product, and describe the unholy union. H H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. 1 H H H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H W
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. 6
459 Stock Humor Look at any of the abbreviated company names in the Nasdaq or New York Stock Exchange listings in any newspaper's business section and suggest what business the companies might be in. H H T
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. H T
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
453 Haiku 2 U2 Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or head. A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem, of three lines. The first and last lines are five syllables; the middle line is seven. 2 H H
452 Russellmania! (1) Design one or more steps for a 12-step program for the recovering Invitationalaholic; (2) Propose a devious method by which we might lure Russell Beland back. 1 H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? 3
449 Cut and Pastiche Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in today's Post. You cannot subdivide words. 2 H H H H H H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. 5 H H H H H
447 Acronimble Take any of the provided witty statements and use the first letters in each of the words to create a brand-new, unrelated funny statement. 1 H H H H H
445 Another Round of Bierce Add a few entries to Ambrose Bierce's famous "Devil's Dictionary." 2 H H H
444 Advice Squad Take any letter from today's advice columns and answer it in the voice of someone famous, living or dead. H
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H H H H H H H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H H H H W
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H H
438 What's the Pun Line? Ask a question and answer it, somewhere incorporating the name of a least one famous person. H H H H T W
433 Takes a Break No contests until mid-January. Czar ran biographies of Russell Beland, Sarah Gaymon, John Kammer, and Paul Kondis, each containing one lie. T
431 Please Bear With Us … There is no contest. Czar ran biographies of Chuck Smith and Jean Sorensen, each containing one lie. T
430 OMB Directive No. 2 Revisit any contest The Style Invitational has ever run, and rewrite out tawdry past by proposing a new first-prize winner serious and/or decorous enough to please the Ombudsman. H T
429 Shark Instruments Tell us what would be a sign that any current institution--TV show, newspaper feature, magazine, business, etc.--has jumped the shark. H H W
426 Captions Courageous Take any photograph of illustration from today's Washington Post and give it a more interesting caption. H H
425 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word from any story in today's newspaper and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and propose a definition of the new word you've created. H H H W
424 Osama Chanted Evening Write poems about Osama bin Laden. H H H H
423 Roling With Laughter Take a character from one movie, use him or her to replace a character in a second movie, and then explain how this change would affect the second movie. 2 H H T
422 Taught Language Come up with lessons learned from (1) the movies, (2) popular songs, (3) romance novels or (4) the comics page. H T
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. 2 4 H H
418 Xtreme Invitational Come up with signs you are overdoing it any in any of the provided categories. T
417 Initially Mistaken Take any name of person or thing, and construct an appropriate message using its letters, in order, as the first letters of the words of your message. H H H H W
416 Diff'rent Jokes Describe how things might have been different is famous person, living or dead, had had one of the provided conditions. 1 H
415 Sentence Us to Death Take any sentence appearing anywhere in today's Washington Post, and invent a question that it answers. H
414 No Rest for the Query Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down. T
413 Bland Ambition Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions. T
412 Painful Climaxes Come up with statements that start really dramatically, but leave you sorta flat at the end. H H
411 X's and Oaths Take any oath, pledge, declaration or slogan and update it. H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H H
408 What's In a Name? Take the name of any politician, living or dead, and construct an appropriate message from the letters of the name. You may use any letter as many times as you wish, and you may insert punctuation. 1 2 H H H W
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. H H H W
405 The "Sty"le Invitational Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling. H H H H H H
402 Spitting the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H T
401 A Matter of Degree Describe a sign of some modest change in a situation and pair it with a sign of an extreme change in that same situation. 1
398 Animal Magnetism Make great literature and/or a significant expression of the human condition out of the provided randomly-selected words. Use whatever punctuation you choose and any of the words, but only those words, and use them only once. H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. H H H T
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. H H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
393 Things Could Be Verse Take any story in today's Washington Post and rewrite it into a rhyming poem of no more than eight lines. 2 H
392 Everyone's a Comic Choose any panel of any comics strip in today's Washington Post and improve it by replacing the original speech and thought balloons with your own, H U
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H
387 By Jingo Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian. 2 H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. H H
381 Idiom Savant Take any well-known idiom, or expression, and invent an interesting derivation for it. 2 H
380 The New-Name Offense Propose changes for the names of places and things that need it, either because there is something wrong with their name, or because another name would be so much more descriptive. 1
379 Rather Unusual Come up with lines that could be uttered by Dan Rather, with his unbearably folksy excesses. H H
376 Apply Yourself Supply bad openings to college application biographies. 4
374 Bill Us Later Take a well-known expression and update it for the new millennium. H
373 An Extra Large Challenge What should we put on the back of the new Style Invitational T-shirt? H
372 Trial Balloons Fill in the balloons. H H
371 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
368 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H H H H H W
365 Terse Verse Ask a question and then answer it with a rhyme. Your answer can be as many words as you wish, but all must have the same rhyme. 2 H H U
364 Low Marks Come up with a new punctuation mark. Tell us what it looks like, and what it is used for, and use it in a sentence. H H
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. 2 H H H H
360 No Competition Create a list of 25 names, each linked in some way to the name before, and you must begin and end with Mary Ann Madden. H H H H H H H H U W
359 It's No Party Come up with a new political party and its main political tenet. 4 H H
358 Finish the Fire Finish "We Didn't Start the Fire," to summarize 1990 to the present. H H H H H H H H H W
357 Coming to a Bad End Take some immortal line from literature or film and ruin it by adding a short phrase or sentence. H H
352 A Laff Riot Take the name of a company and/or its commercial product and provide it a new definition. H H H
351 Dubya Fun Take any well-known statement, expression, slogan, etc., and rewrite it the way Dubya might have said it. H H
350 Employing Irony Propose bad career choices. 1
349 Orienting Oneself Produce a haiku using only words found in today's Washington Post. Your entry must have three lines, the first containing exactly five syllables, the second containing exactly seven syllables, the third containing exactly five. H
347 Capital Pun-ishment Take an expression, or a lyric for a song, or any recognizable line of prose, and make it the punchline of an awful pun. 2 H H H
344 What Kind of Foal Am I? Envision the mating of any two of the 387 horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown, and propose a name for their foal. The foal's name must be contained in 18 or fewer letters and spaces. 6 H H H H H
343 Eastwood Ho. Create a Good-Bad-Ugly progression. H
340 ASK BACKWARDS 12 You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? 5 H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H
329 THE STYLE INVITATIONAL: HELL Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. You may add spacing and punctuation, but you may not move letters around. 2 H
322 YOU NAME IT Take a well known pair or group of names, extend one of them in some manner, and explain how the group dynamic changes. H H H
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. H
79 TERROR-DACTYL Send us a double dactyl. The first line must be a nonsense phrase of five to seven syllables containing exactly two downbeats. The second line must be a name, in five to seven syllables but only two downbeats. The remaining six lines must contain four to seven syllables and two downbeats each, with Lines 4 and 8 rhyming. Somewhere in the poem, one line must consist of only one word. 3

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]