PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR KEVIN DOPART

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1282 Picture This Write a caption for one or more of the provided pictures. 2 H
1281 We only have (googly) eyes for you Send us a photo of something that you have made funny by pasting googly eyes on it; funny titles and captions are optional. 3 H H
1280 A la'ugh' a minute with 'air quotes' Highlight part of a word, name or short phrase in "air quotes" to give it a new meaning or description. H H H H H M T
1279 Just do it -- the 'real' way List some "accurate" directions for using some product or completing some tak. H H H H
1278 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 68 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names, in the style of today's inking entries. H M
1277 Come into Beeing with neologisms From any of the 15 provided Spelling Bee letter sets, coin a new term of one or two words and define it humorously. You may also supply an especially clever or funny definition of a real term. H T
1276 What 4? A limerick contest Use a limerick using one of the provided lines as Line 5. M
1274 Heading for a foal -- our horse name 'breeding' contest Your job is to "breed" any two names of the 360 horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and name the "foal" to reflect both names. H
1272 The hex files: creative curses Come up with a creative curse. H
1271 Yodel Doyle's praises with a D-O-Y-L-E neologism Coin a new word or phrase that contains the letters D, O, Y, L and E. 3 H H
1270 The Style Invitational turns 5 x 5 Write a witty poem, on any subject, in any of these forms:
A. Five lines of five syllables each
B. Five lines of five words each
C. Five lines of iambic pentameter
H I
1269 Mess with our (or other) heads Reinterpret (or comments wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) or another publication and dated March 1-12 by writing a bank head. H
1268 Playing pinocchio Tell us some humorously bogus trivia about the news media or the publishing or broadcasting industries. H T
1267 Jingle bungle Suggest an ill-advised spokesman (dead or alive, or fictional), along with a humorously noooo slogan or jingle. H
1266 The Tile Invitational V Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the sets and define it. 2
1265 Parody for the course Write a song relating to a class or course of instruction, or to school in general. M
1264 A cry for Yelp: 'Review' any place Write a humorous review, positive or negative, of anyplace (real of fictional) one might visit. 2 H
1263 Playing the short game Using the three-letter Olympic national abbreviations and/or the abbreviation for any college, tell what would happen if one abbreviated team played another. H
1262 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply one or more creative clues for the provided filled-in crossword grid -- as many as 25 clues in all. H H T
1261 Post mortems -- our annual obit poem contest Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight lines about someone who died in 2017. H
1260 What lies (are) ahead for 2018 Jokingly predict some news event to happen in 2018. H T
1259 Beat the banned with euphemisms Come up with creative euphemisms for the provided words, or for other words that might offend someone or other. H H H H
1258 The year in redo, Part 2 Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1230 through Week 1254. H
1257 The year in redo, Part 1 Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1203 through Week 1229, except for Weeks 1205 and 1206. H H
1256 Picture this -- a caption contest Provide a funny caption for any of the provided cartoons. H M
1254 Inkorporation--a change-one-letter contest Change the name of a present or past business, store or agency (not just a product) by adding one letter, deleting one letter, transposing two letters or substituting one letter for another. M
1253 Fashion x fiction: More fake trivia Tell us some totally bogus trivia about clothing or fashion. H
1252 It's a med, med, med, med world Invent a clever name for a new medical product, and specify the condition it would treat. 2 H H H
1251 Thanking outside the box Tell us something to be thankful for. H
1249 Ask Backwards 36 Choose any of the 15 provided items and follow it with a question that it could humorously answer. M
1248 C'mon, fess up! Send us a brief "confession" -- there will be categories for true and just-kidding. H H T
1247 Script tease Offer a quote from a script whose title you've given a different plot. H
1246 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or another publication, in print or online, dated Sept. 21-Oct. 2, and pair it with a question it might answer. H H
1245 Call us reprehensible … Complain in a humorously missing-the-point way about something that has appeared in The Washington Post (in print or online) recently, or in another publication. H H
1244 Primed for product reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H H H M
1242 Generation Yux Give us a "then/now" joke. H H
1241 Less taste, more fill-in Give us a novel clue for any word or phrase in which the remaining letters in the provided crossword puzzle fit, across or down. H H
1239 MASH 3  Combine two movie titles and  describe the result. H H
1237 Our alliteracy campaign Rewrite an existing headline from any  publication, print or online — about something in the  news from July 20 to 31, by using alliteration. H H
1236 Portmanteaux faux Explain--inaccurately but amusingly--how a real word is a combination of two or more words, with an illustrative sentence, as in the provided examples, or some other funny way. 2 H H
1234 It's incontestable Four weeks from now, the Empress will have just placed  her dainty imperial toe back on our glittering shores.  Which means that for the first time since January 2002,  almost 800 contests ago — back during the late reign of  her predecessor, the Czar — the Invitational will skip two  contests in a row. H
1233 Not The Loser Community  gets a week off (actually  two) from writing contest  entries and will have to  find something else to do  during staff meetings,  sermons, romantic  breakups, etc. H H
1231 TankaWanka 3: Haiku Plus Tu Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And at least two of the lines must rhyme. H
1230 What in creation . . . ? Supply a brief monologue or dialogue about a Creator's specifications or planning for some living being. M
1229 Gorey bits from A to Z Send us one of more edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. H H H T
1227 Celebrate ortho-diversity! Name and describe a new life form -- and no letter in the term may be used twice. H H H H H H
1226 Colt following: The 'grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 61 foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect both parents names. H M
1224 We beg you to differ Explain how any two (or more) items in the provided list are the same or different, or otherwise connected. M
1223 Post again out to mislead public! Write a humorously sensationalistic, misleading headline on an otherwise mundane article or ad published in The Post or elsewhere from April 13 to April 24. H H
1222 Foaling around "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both of them. H
1221 Who's kidding whom? Take two people from history, past or present, and tell what their child would be like H M
1220 O pedantry, O pedantry Give us some humorous pedantry. H H W
1219 Cast your Bred upon us Write a Lik the Bred verse about someone in the news lately. M
1218 Mess with our -- or anyone else's -- heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online or another publication dated March 9-20) by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. H
1217 Mergers you wrote: Combine two businesses with puns Give a clever name for a combination of two or more businesses. H H
1216 As the word turns Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H
1215 A so-so contest (How so-so is it?) Write a humorous exaggeration in the form "x is so y that …" H H
1213 Punku Write a haiku that incorporates a pun. H
1211 The best tweets in history Write a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces) about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional. 3 H H
1209 Invented facts: A fictoid contest Tell us a humorously untrue account of how a product or invention came to be, or got its name. H H
1208 A RIP-roaring year: Obit poems Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight lines about someone who died in 2016. H H M
1207 Clue us in -- a reverse crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the 72 words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H
1206 Do-over the do-over -- enter any of the year's contests Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1202, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. H H H T
1205 Could we just have a do-over? Yes, we could. Enter (or re-enter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1149 to 1201, except for Week 1152, last year's do-over. H T
1204 Well, at least … Note some good news for the coming year to comfort -- or "comfort" -- those who are depressed about the change of presidential administration. H W
1203 You've got the powers Tell us what you would do if you had one or more of the six magical powers provided. H H
1201 Tour de Fours XIII: What's there to NOVE? Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block N-O-V-E. L
1200 The definitive dozen Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words. 2 H H H H H T
1199 We want some bad choices Offer one or more funny Questions for Terrible People, as shown. H
1198 Give it to us straight Take any sentence from an article or ad in any publication dated Oct. 20 to Oct. 31 — or from an online article dated within that period — and translate it into “plain English,” 3 W
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H H T
1196 Hyphen the Terrible Combine either half of a hyphenated word or compound term with either half of another such term to create a new hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously. H H H
1194 Nyetymologies: fake word origins Provide a humorously untrue explanation for the derivation of a word. H
1193 Poedtry Write a Poed, which consists of four lines: The first line contains six one-syllable words. The second line contains three two-syllable words. The third line contains two three-syllable words. The fourth line contains one six-syllable word (or a name totaling six syllables.  And at least two of the lines must rhyme. H H
1192 Ask Backwards The 15 provided phrases above are the answers. You provide  the questions to as many as you’d like (up to 25 entries  total).  H M T
1191 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle H H
1190 You're workin' on a chain, gang Create a chain of no more than 15 proper nouns — names of people (real or fictional), products, places, etc. — including one title of a work — in which each L
1189 Gee, it's Limerixicon XIII! Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "ge'". H H
1188 Just short words, one more time Explain some concept or philosophy entirely in words of one syllable. H H
1187 Just drop it, okay? Drop the last letter from an existing word, phrase or name and define the result. H
1185 The Rorschach of the crowd Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways. H
1183 C'mon, be honest with us Write something in roughly the form "If X were more honest, (then) Y. H H H M
1177 The ballad box Write a song related to this year's elections, set to a familiar tune. T
1175 Good luck with 13 Make up a word whose Scrabble letter values add up to exactly 13, and define it. H H
1174 Colt following -- It's time for the grandfoals "Breed" any two of the 57 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect both parents' names. T
1173 Tinker with the recipe Slightly change the name of a food or brand of food (or something else in the food industry) and describe it, or write a slogan, jingle, etc. H
1172 Pieces of 'Pie' Write a short passage -- an observation, a joke, a dialogue, a poem, anything -- using only words that appear in the song "American Pie". H
1171 What's my (next) line? Take a line from any song and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous rhyming couplet; the second line should match the rhythm of the first, rather than the second line of the song itself. H
1170 Derby or not Derby "Breed" any two of the provided racehorses nominated for this year's Kentucky Derby, Preakness and Belmont; and name the foal to reflect both names. H
1169 Be caustic by acrostic Review or otherwise describe a movie, book, play or TV show (or Internet equivalent) with words whose first letters spell out the name of the work. H H
1168 Asterisky business Tell us an original joke whose punchline can't be understood without knowledge -- not necessarily scientific -- that most of us don't have (which you'll supply with a concise explanation). H M
1167 So what's to liken? Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different, or connect the some other way. H H H H
1166 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in text (not a headline) in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated March 10-21 and make up a question that the sentence could answer P T
1165 B all you can B Change a word, phrase or name by adding one or more B's, and/or by replacing one or more letters with B's, and define your new term. H H
1164 'Wait Wait' for us Compose a multiple-choice question about a Ridiculous but True fact or event, with two entertaining wrong answers as well as the right one. One of the two wrong answers may be obviously untrue as long as it's funny. 4 H H H
1163 Put it in reverse Spell a word, name or phrase backward and define the result in a way that relates to the original. 3 H H
1162 An 8-year Re-Onion Write a fictional Onion-type headline. H T
1161 Give us four Pinocchios Tell us some false "facts" about politicians, present or past. H
1160 A remeaning task Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z. H
1159 It's all in the game Come up with a funny/ridiculous board-type game and describe it. H H M
1158 What have we here? Tell us what one or more of these objects really are. H H
1157 Clue us in -- a backward crossword Supply clever, funny clues to up to 25 of the words and multi-word terms in the provided grid. H H T
1155 Vowel movement Choose a title of book, movie, play or TV show; drop all the vowels (including Y when it's used as a vowel); then add your choice of vowels -- as many as you like -- to create a new work; and describe it. H I M
1153 Be three-paired Choose two or more entities represented by a single three-letter combination from IAA through LZZ, found at the provided link, and say how they are alike or different or have some connection. H T
1152 Oops? You do it again. Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1098 through Week 1148, except for Week 1101, last year's do-over. H H H
1151 To [a glass], snarkly Write a short, snarky (but witty) note to one of the provided glassbowls. H
1150 A deviant character Change the name of person or animal -- real or fictional -- by adding or subtracting one letter; substituting one letter for another; or switching the positions of two nearby letters, and describing the results. H H
1149 Gestures of depreciation Suggest ways to celebrate National Love Your Lawyer Day -- or a made-up "holiday" celebrating some other profession. 3 H
1147 It's E-Z find-a-word -- yours Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. 3 H H T
1146 Stick it to us with a magnet Suggest a new Style Invitational honorable-mention magnet. 3
1145 A DICEy situation Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block D-I-C-E. H H
1144 Someone else's business Name a real brand, along with something else it would be a better name for. H
1143 Ask Backwards Provided are 15 answers, separated by asterisks. You supply the questions. H H H
1142 Two-faced tweets Combine two well-known names into a Twitter handle, and write a tweet (no more than 140 characters and spaces) that that portmanteau person might write. H T
1141 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online) Sept. 17-28 by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. M
1140 You're giving us a bad name Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note it original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for. H T
1138 Show us your touché Offer an elegantly snide (and original) of anyone living or dead. 4 H H H T
1137 Be a published author! Give us a spicy title for a boring book, real or imagined. H H
1136 Gaah! It's Limerixicon XII Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "ga-". 4 T
1135 The meter's running Suggest actions in daily life that should require a time limit -- maximum or minimum -- and come with an appropriate penalty for running over (or under). H H
1134 The 'Sty'le Invitational Red'ux' Put quotation marks around part of a word, name or phrase and define the result. 4
1133 Are 'hew ready? A contest for clerihews A clerihew is a humorous four-line rhyming poem about a person whose name is mentioned in the first line; in fact, the name must be at the end of that line (or constitute the whole line) so that it has to rhyme with something. The rhyme structure (and we don't want "lazy" rhymes) is AABB: the first line rhymes with the second, the third with the fourth. H H M
1132 You and what army? Military fictoids Give us some comically bogus trivia about the military, past or present, ours or theirs. H H H
1131 One man's trash Suggest a humorous way to reuse one or more of the items listed above -- or anything else advertised on RepurposedMaterialsinc.com. H H H H
1130 Yux Redux: Play on a foreign phrase Make a word play on a foreign phrase or term (or English phrase using foreign words) and describe it. H
1128 Drone for a loop Give us some novel uses for a CICADA micro-drone, assuming that anyone can get one, and that it can have a micro-camera, micro-grips, etc. H H H
1127 From the creators of … Think up a spinoff of a real TV series, past or present, and furnish a description of bit of dialogue. 3 H
1123 The Tile Invitational III Give us a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or two words) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided seven-letter sets. T
1122 Colt Following: 'Grandfoals' "Breed" any two of the 65 foal names that got ink this week and name the offspring to reflect the parents' names. H T
1121 The an(n)als of civilization Briefly describe some "bad day in history" -- you may be creative in what you classify as such -- and sum it up with a humorous heading. 3 H
1120 Celebrating our differences Each of the provided 17 items appeared in a different Style Invitational compare/contrast contest from 1996 to 2014. Explain how any two of the are alike or different or otherwise linked. H H H
1119 We want hue so bad Invent a name for a color and describe it. H M
1118 Breed 'em and weep Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names. H M
1116 Punning in place Create a new term using only the letters in a place name. You don't have to use all the letters, but you can't use a letter more often than it appears in the word. H
1115 Our type o' headline Change a headline in an article or ad in the Washington Post and then add a "bank head" or subtitle. H
1114 Awww together now Write us a humorous headline -- from the past, present, or future -- that puts an optimistic perspective on some otherwise not-so-promising news. H H H H H
1113 Our occasional parodies Write a song celebrating someone's birthday or other personal occasion (rather than, say, a holiday), set to a familiar tune. M T
1112 Some SHARP words Coin a word or short term that includes all the letters S, H, A, R, and P. 2 H H
1111 When you riff upon a store Use a wordplay on a song title as a name or slogan for a real or imagined business. H M
1110 The mama of all humor Write a [Someone’s] Mama joke for some well-known figure, past or present, real or fictional. H H H
1109 Fictoids of Columbia Tell us some humorously untrue “facts” about Washington, D.C., and the surrounding area. H H
1108 Hearts of dorkness Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic. H H H
1107 Send us the bill Combine two or more names from the list of members of Congress on this page to "cosponsor" a bill based on their combined last names, and state its purpose. H
1106 Show your resolve Suggest a New Year's resolution that someone might make 100 or more years in the future. 4 H
1105 A lit obit of fun Write a humorous poem of no longer than eight line about someone who died in 2014. H H
1104 A pair of threes Choose two or three entities represented by a single three-letter combination beginning with E- through H- — see the links at bit.ly/abbrevs-e-h — and say how they are alike or different. H
1102 Let's get Sirius Suggest a new radio channel and describe it. H H H
1101 The year in redo Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1047 through Week 1097, except for Week 1050. H H H M W
1100 Pun and ink -- the feghoot Contrive an elaborate scenario that ends in a novel groaner pun on a familiar expression, title, etc. W
1099 Questionable journalism Take a sentence (or most of a sentence) that appears in an article in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com dated Nov. 20 through Dec. 1 (in print, any article from those days' papers), and make up a question that the sentence could answer. H
1098 Prime time for some Amazon reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H H M T
1097 Futz your sign Select a line from one of the horoscopes appearing anytime from Nov. 6 through Nov. 17 in the Washington Post's daily Style or on washingtonpost.com and "clarify" it with a translation or extra "information". 4 H
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoon. H H
1095 TankaWanka! Write a TankaWanka about something that's been in the news lately. The poem must consist of five lines of 5, 7, 5, 7 and 7 syllables in that order. And it must include at least one rhyme. H H
1094 TAXI's the fare for Tour de Fours XI Coin a word or hyphenated term that contains the letter block T-A-X-I; the letters may be in any order, but there may be no other letters between them. H H
1093 You're only as rich as you fee What are some really bad ideas for various businesses to make a few more bucks? H
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. H
1091 Good idea! or not. Come up with a good idea and, through a small change in wording, a bad idea. H M
1090 Talk undirty to us Write a humorous poem in any form (no more than eight lines) that includes one or more of the provided words; the word must make sense in the poem in its TRUE meaning. H
1089 It's E-Z Find-a-Word -- your own! Create a word or multi-word term that consists of adjacent letters -- in any direction or several directions -- in the provided grid, and provide a humorous definition. H H
1087 The core ridiculum Come up with a comical class (any type of school) and provide a course catalog description. H H
1086 Playing the dozens 1. Start with any 12-letter word, name or multi-word phrase.
2. Add one letter OR drop one letter OR substitute another letter OR switch the position of two letters to create a new term, as in the examples given.
3. Define or describe the result humorously.
H H H M
1085 Eww-venirs: Ideas for gift shops Suggest a humorous--but NOT horribly tasteless--tchotchke, T-shirt, etc., from a real or imagined gift shop at a particular tourist site. M
1084 Limerixicon XI: Fi-, fo-, go! Supply a humorous, previously unpublished limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "Fl-" through "fo-". H T
1082 Band on the pun Alter the name of a music group or performer slightly -- not necessarily by just one letter, but enough so it's obvious what the original is -- and describe it in some way. H
1079 Little piddle riddle Ask a question and answer it with a rhyme. H H
1078 Hyphen the Terrible Combine one side of any hyphenated word or compound term with one side of another word to make a new hyphenated term, and define it humorously. Both halves must appear in the same issue of The Post or another print newspaper, or in writing published the same day on washingtonpost.com or another online publication. 2 H H
1077 Time marches Swiftly Give us a novel Tom Swifty, playing on either an adverb or a verb (e.g., "We care about the little people, the BP chairman gushed"). H H
1076 Dactyly fractyly Send us some double dactyls that conform to Gene Weingarten's rules. H
1075 Falsity is Job One Send us some fictoids about cars and trucks and driving and stuff. M
1073 Bank shots: Mess with (y)our heads Quote a headline appearing in the Washington Post, washington.com or another publication, print or headline, dated May 22 to June 1, and supply a bank" headline that either misinterprets it, as in the examples above, or comments wryly on it. 2 H H L M
1070 Colt following -- our grandfoals contest "Breed" any two of the foal names that got ink this week, and name the offspring to reflect the parents' names. T
1068 An iffy proposition Suggest some humorous action that you would take if you were in someone's position, more or less in the form "If I were _____ my first act would be _____." H
1066 It's mating season "Breed" any two from the provided list of 100 of the 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown and name the foal to reflect both names. H H H M
1065 The ands have it Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it. H
1064 HistoRebuffs Alter some moment in history and tell us -- in no more than about 50 words -- the likely outcome. H H
1063 Same difference Take any two items from the provided list and explain how they're similar or different. M T
1062 Scanning the headlines Write a rhyming poem about something currently in the news. T
1061 Less taste, more fill-in Give us a novel clue for any word or phrase in which the remaining letters in the provided crossword puzzle fit, across or down. H
1060 Picture this Write a caption, or captions, for one or more of the provided cartoons. H H
1059 With parens like these … Add some words in parentheses to a well-known song title to make it funnier in some way. H
1058 Eastwood Ho Create a good-bad-ugly progression. M
1057 Sportin' lie Give us some fake sports trivia. H
1056 Weather or nuts Coin a term relating to the weather, climate, etc. -- either literal or figurative -- and define it. H T
1055 Oh, K! This week, to commemorate both Kevin Dopart and his 1K ink blots: Change a word, phrase of name by adding one or more K's, and define your new term. H I
1053 Questionable journalism Quote an actual sentence, from The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com, or another print or online publication dated between Dec. 26 and Jan. 6, and follow it with a question that the sentence might answer. H L T
1052 Clue us in Come up with up to 25 creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms that appear in the provided grid. H M
1051 Love the tiny tail stain! Create an anagram -- a text with the letters rearranged -- of any text (except merely someone's name), of any length, referring to something or someone in the news. H H T W
1050 Just redo it Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 1000 through Week 1046. H
1049 Be rating Come up with a new movie rating and describe it. H T
1047 Bank shots Quote a headline appearing in The Washington Post, washingtonpost.com or another publication, print or online, dated Nov. 14 to Nov. 25, and supply a humorous "bank" headline that either misinterprets it or comments wryly on it. H T
1046 Derive us crazy Offer a bogus but funny explanation of how a particular expression originated. I P T
1045 Songs for the asking Take a sentence, phrase or title forms a song and provide a funny question it might answer. H H H
1044 Play it safe Come up with a comically safety-conscious rule for the workplace or elsewhere. 4 H
1041 What have you got to lose? Answer a question, real or rhetorical, that appears in a song. H
1040 IRS my case Schedule A: Suggest a novel way for the government to determine taxes.

Schedule B: Suggest a deduction that you'd like to take, or that some real or fictional person or past or present might like to take.

Schedule C: Suggest a cause you'd rather check off $3 for.

H
1039 Shookespeare Combine any of the words in Hamlet's "To be, or not to be" soliloquy, in any order, to create a humorous sentence or longer passage. 2 H H
1038 It's like this, see Answer a simple question with a ridiculously argued answer citing various connections and parallels. H
1037 Outrage us Find something offensive about an inoffensive name of a product, organization, place, etc. H H T
1036 Just for liffs Use a real place name, from anywhere in the world, as a new term. M
1035 The Empy 500 Explain what news Bob Staake is trying to tell in any of the provided drawings. 3 H H
1034 What's to like? Supply an original joke of the form "I like my [your choice] the way I like my [something else of your choice]: [some clever, funny parallel]." H H
1033 LimeriXicon Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with "fa-". H M
1032 Hid stuff Explain the symbolism "obviously" evident in any well-known site, artwork, etc., in 75 words or fewer. 2
1031 The 'Sty'le Invitational Choose any word, name, or short term; emphasize a key, suddenly pertinent part of it with quotation marks; then redefine the word. H M
1028 Joint Legiflation Combine the names of two or more of the First Congress senators and/or representatives to create "joint legislation". H H
1027 Built for two Give humorous related names for any pair of features in a given building, organization, etc. H
1026 'Might' makes ink Give us a joke using any of the using any of the provided "you might be" templates. H H
1025 In so many words Create an original backronym for a name or other term, especially one that's been in the news lately. H
1024 Gorey thoughts Send us some edgy rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. The pairs are AB, CD, EF, GH, IJ, KL, MN, OP, QR, ST, UV, WX, and YZ. H H
1023 Hai there, Martians! Write one or more humorous haiku that will greet the Martians or share a little nugget of what life is like on Earth. H H
1022 What's the diff? Explain how any two of the provided items are alike or different. H T
1020 Colt following Breed any two of this week's winning foals and name the grandfoal. H
1019 What a turnoff Tell us some creative things that children and families could do during Screen-Free Week. H H H H
1018 Reologisms Write a clever, funny definition for any of the Loser-concocted neologisms from Week 1014 as well as from Week 1000 that deserve better definitions than their creators offered at the time. 4 M
1017 Vowel play Write a "univocalic" newspaper headline -- one that uses only one vowel throughout. H
1016 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races and give the foal a name humorously reflecting the names of the parents. H
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. M
1014 Join now Combine the beginning and end, or the beginnings and ends, of any two words in single Washington Post story or ad published March 21 to April 1 into a new word or two-word phrase, and define the result. 4
1013 Har monikers Write a riddle that uses a pun of a person's name in the answer. H H
1012 The news at 5 Write a limerick about a recent news event. H H W
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H H H H H H H
1010 Picture this Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons. H H M
1009 What's in a name? Write something about some person, real or fictional, using only the letters in the person's name. 2 H
1008 Switched reels Re-arrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work. M
1006 It's a ... a ... Create a new superhero (or due) and describe the superpower, or not-very-superpower. H
1005 Send us the bill Name a piece of legislation "cosponsored" by two or more of the 98 new House and Senate members provided. H H
1004 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about anyone who died in 2012. H
1003 Just do it Use a well-known advertising slogan for a different company, organization or product to humorous effect. H H
1002 Wring out the OED Make up a false definition from any other the listed OED words. T
1001 Make us ROFL Give us a funny, original acronym. H H H
1000 We now have 4 digits; you now have 7 letters Choose any word, name or two-word term beginning anywhere from T through Z; then add one letter, drop one letter, substitute one letter for another, or transpose two adjacent letters, and define the result. H
999 Drectrospective Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 946 through Week 995, except for Week 948. 3 H H
998 Set the law on us Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world. H M
997 Unworthy causes Name a dubious charity and describe its mission. H
996 A Life-Time opportunity Combine two magazines or journals and describe the result, supply a marketing pitch, or suggest a story or two that it might publish. I
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. 3 H H H H M
994 Stick it to us Suggest a slogan for one of our two new honorable-mention Loser Magnets for 2012-2013. H
993 Versus, verses Write a short "rap battle" between any two characters, real or fictional. H H M
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. H
991 Tour de Fours IX Create a new word or two-word term containing the letter block V, O, T, and E and define it. M
990 Indecent relations Pair two people, real or fictional, who have the same last name; say how they're alike or different, or something they might do (even in fantasy), as a pair. 3 H H H H
989 On the double Come up with a double or multiple profession, and explain how each job complements the other(s). 3
988 A faster break Suggest ways to make sports and other leisure activities more time-efficient or exciting. H M
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
986 Hear here! Give us a sentence or short dialogue that would be a lot funnier if a word in it were mistaken for a homophone of that word. 3 H H H H
984 Another brilliant contest Write something whose words begin with consecutive letters of the alphabet. H H L
983 Limerixicon IX Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters "eq-" through "ez-". H H M
982 The parody line Set your own, humorous words to the tune of a well-known song--except that you must preserve one of the original lines. H
981 Feeling testy Write a question that "ought to" be on a qualifying test for a particular job. H
980 Def jam Supply a humorous definition for any of the provided Loser-penned neologisms. H M
978 A reason to rhyme the news Write a short verse about something that's been in the news recently. M
977 Lost in Translation 2.0 Translate a line of text from English into another language using Google Translate; then copy that result and translate it back into English. You may also make intermediate steps into one or more other languages. H M W
975 Gone mything Debunk a "Sixth Myth" about one of more of the recent "5 Myths" topics provided. H H
974 Eat our dust! Write a limerick humorously describing a book, play, movie, or TV show. H H M
973 A real triple crown The horses in this week's list either produced no inking "foals" in Week 965, or ran in the Kentucky Derby but weren't on the initial list. "Breed" any two and name the foal. H W
972 Trends and neighbors Choose any two items on the provided list and explain how they are alike or different. H H M
971 Double booking Come up with a double book with a humorous connection; the first title must be an actual book, while the other may be your own fictitious title or a second real book. H I
970 Couple it Take a line from any well-known poem and pair it with your own second line to make a humorous couplet. H M
969 Colt following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, and name the grandfoal. T
968 Take us for grants Come up with a proposal to the National Science Foundation or other research-funding organization for a study based on a stupid hypothesis. H
967 Overlap dance II Create a phrase that overlaps two terms, each of two words or more, and describe the result. H
966 Inkremental change Start with any word or name, and create a series of words that change by one letter at a time, until you come up with a related word or name. 4 H H
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. M
963 The overlap dance Send us a Before & After "person" who name combines two people's names, real or fictional (okay, you can use animals' names, too), and describe the person in a funny way. H H H
962 Questionable journalism Take any sentence (or a major part of it) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through March 19 and supply a question it could answer. H H H
961 The end of our rhops Write a funny passage or headline whose words all have the same number of letters. H
960 Raving reviews Send us a creative "review" for any of the provided items that are listed on Amazon. H H T
959 Out of network Move a current or former TV program (or type of programming) to a different network and explain what would change. H H P T
958 All's Weller Write a "wellerism," a sentence that starts with a quote, often a short proverb, and goes on to include some sort of wordplay on something in the quote. H H H
957 Fearful Symmetry Write a clever passage who successive words are on letter longer until the middle of the passage, and then become one letter shorter. H H H
955 Twits' twist Create a phrase by combining a word or phrase with an anagram of that word or phrase, and define or describe it. T
954 Bring on the 'fight' jokes Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.” H
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. H T
952 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2011. H P
951 Say that again Double a word, or use a word and its homophone, to make a phrase, and define it. H H I
949 Putting the SAT in satire Give us an analogy using "a is to b as x is to y." H H H
948 Look back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 891 through 94 (except for Week 896, which was the same contest for the previous year). H
946 Another round of Bierce Write a clever definition of a word, name or multi-word term. 2 H H
945 Laugh-baked ideas Cleverly depict a person, event or phenomenon of the 21st century — real history as well as scenes from movies, books, videos, etc. — using edible materials, and send us a photo of your creation. 2 H M W
944 Uh, yeah, it's just you Give us one or more "Is it just me" questions. H H
943 Ask backward XXIX You are on "Jeopardy!" You supply the questions for as many of the provided answers as you like. H
942 Singular ideas Give us an idea for a contest for which there's likely only one good entry. H
941 They don't say! Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said. H H
940 Our type o' headline Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead). W
939 MASH 2: The Retread Combine two movie titles and describe the result. P
938 Free and Lear Write a limerick using the first two lines of any of Edward Lear's 115 limericks plus your own remaining three lines. H I
937 Staake it to him Write a caption for any of the five pages or details pictured from some of Bob's more than 50 picture books. H H M T
936 Hoho contendere Slightly alter a well-known foreign-language term and define it. H M
934 Same difference Explain how any two items in the provided list are similar or different. H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H M
931 Limerixicon 8 Supply a humorous limerick significantly featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters ea- through -el. H H M T
930 We WANT stupid complaints! Complain comically unreasonably about some innocuous thing appearing in the print Post or on washingtonpost.com over the next week or the previous few days. T
928 Play feature Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question. H H T
927 Drive-By Shoutings Write a very short four-line “poem” promoting a product or company, or offering advice to drivers; the poem must rhyme, in ABAB or ABCB rhyme scheme. A fifth, non-rhyming line may state the product name or a conclusion. L M
926 Outrageous fortunes Come up with a fortune cookie line that you'd like to see. H H
925 A remeaning task Redefine a word in the dictionary beginning with I through O. 3 M
924 Doomed to repeat it Create "Unreal Facts" about history. H H M P
923 Chemical Wordfare Create a new chemical element or other chemical term. T
922 A Banner Week Write entirely new, humorous lyrics to the tune of “The Star-Spangled Banner”; they can be on any subject. M
921 Give Us Willies Write an original Little Willie poem, perhaps reflecting our current era. This is a venerable four-line genre in which Master W. does some nasty thing and doesn't tend to learn to be a Good Boy by poem's end. H H T W
920 Sarchiasm Write an original chiasmus, in which the elements of a phrase are inverted for comedic effect. H
919 Good Luck With 13 Alter a 13-letter word, phrase or name by one letter (add a letter, drop a letter, switch two letters somewhere in the word, or substitute one letter for another) and describe the result. H
918 Colt Following Breed any two "foals" in today's results, or one foal with one of the real horse names used in today's entries--and name the "grandfoal." The name may not exceed 18 characters, including spaces, and your entry shouldn't remotely duplicate any of today's results. H H
917 Wryku Write a haiku--a sentiment that can be broken into three lines with exactly five syllables in the first lien, seven in the second, five in the third--on any subject that's been in the news in the last couple of weeks. H T
916 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H H M T
914 Foaling around Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H
913 Bring up the rear Move the last letter of an existing word or name to the front of the word, and define the new term. H H
912 Pair-a-phrase Lift a word that appears inside a longer word; pair it with the original word to create a phrase; and define it. H H H I
911 Help! Create a short humorous dialogue -- or a monologue featuring one party -- of a phone call to 911, or a call for help to someone else. H H
910 Your ad here Slightly alter an advertising slogan so that someone else could use it. H T
909 Reprizing Suggest humorous uses for one or more of the items above, alone or in combination. H H T W
908 Recast away Fire an actor or actress from a movie or TV show, past or present, and offer a replacement for the role. H H H
907 Naming rite Come up with a creative, somehow fitting sponsor for some public facility or part of one. 2 H H H H H I
906 Your mug here Give us a new design for the Loser Mug. H H
905 Anticdotes Give us an untrue anecdote responding to one of these past Editor's Query topics. H H
904 We move on back Move the first letter in a word or name to the end of that word and define the resulting word. H H H H H H H H H
903 Bill us now Combine the names of two or more members of Congress as co-sponsors of a bill. H
902 What's the good news? Take any sentence, or substantive part of a sentence, or a headline from an article or ad in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com from Jan. 7 to Jan. 18 and make it sound upbeat (or not so bad). H
901 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2010. H
900 Dear us! Submit a "Dear Blank" letter to us instead. H H I M
899 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H H H T W
898 Pre-current events Predict some humorous news event that would happen in 2011. 3 H H
897 Catch their drift Take any sentence from an article of ad in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com from Dec. 3 to Dec. 13 and translate it into "plain English." 4 H H H M
896 Other people's business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H H H H H
895 Picture this Supply a caption for any of these cartoons. H H M
894 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational from Week 841 through Week 890 (except for Week 844). H H H
893 Give us a hint Write a humorously witty story in 25 words or fewer. H H M
892 Get a move on Change the location of something for humorous effect. Provide an explanation if you wish. H H I
891 Mirror, Mirror Write a word-palindrome sentence, in which the first and last words are the same; the second and next-to-last, etc. 4 H H H
890 Double-teaming Combine the names of any two pro sports teams -- even from different sports -- and describe the result. H H H
889 Tour de Fours VII Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters P, O, L and E. 3 H
888 It's the eponymy, stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H H H
887 Plus-Fours Write a limerick whose third or fourth line is one of those listed above. H
886 Look both ways Give us a new term that's a palindrome and define it. H H H L M
885 Mess with our heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 10 through Sept. 20 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head." 2 H H M
884 Rekindling the spork Combine two devices or other products to make a new one. 4 H H
883 Same difference Choose any two items from the list above and explain why they are alike or are different from each other. 4 H H H H T
882 Limerixicon VII Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters dr-. T
881 What's in a name? Take the name of a person or institution. Find within it a hidden message. H H H H H
880 Our greatest hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with Q, R or S; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter with another, or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H H
879 Say Venn Express some sentiment in the form of a Venn diagram. H H H H H M
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. 2
877 Quipped from the headlines Write a rhyming couplet about some matter in the news. L T
876 Oilies but goodies Write lyrics somehow related to the oil spill, set to an existing tune. T
875 Fail Us Give us a funny Learn From My Fail-type lesson, 30 words or fewer, true or not, in your own words or attributed to a famous personage. M
874 Stat Us Write a funny Facebook status line. 4 H T
873 Back to Square 1A Replace the shaded letters in this grid with your own letters to come up with a different word or phrase -- either an existing word or one you make up -- and define it humorously. H
872 Har Monikers Combine the first parts of each word in a famous person's or character's name -- in order -- and define it or use it in a sentence that somehow refers to its source. H I
871 Remarquees Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. H H
870 Let's play Nopardy Describe any of the above phrases in the form of a question. H H T
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H H H H H M T
868 Count the ways Give us some musings of a technical wonk. H H H
867 Back in the saddle Breed any two of the foals in today's results -- OR one foal with one of the actual horses used in today's entries, and name the grandfoal. H
866 Natalie Portmanteau Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define (humorously, of course) the resulting phrase. H
865 No Googlenopes left Come up with a humorous Googlenope. H H H H
864 Oonerspisms Spoonerize a single word or a name by transposing different part of the word (more than two adjacent letters), and define the resultant new term. H H T
863 It's Post time Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal. H H
862 Be cheerful Send us a cheer or fight song for any pro sports team or any national team. H H H
861 It's incumbent upon us Combine the names of two or more freshman members of Congressman to create "joint legislation." This week's pool of legislators includes only those who were elected to their seats before 1994, the first year we ran the freshman contest. H H H L
860 Ten, Anyone? Humorously define or describe something or someone in exactly 10 words. 2 H H H
859 Can't goods Cast a joke in one of the forms listed above. H H H M
858 Same OED Make up a false definition for any of the words listed below. H H
857 All FED Up Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet -- but the series must go backward through the alphabet. 4 H H H T
856 Titled Puerility Here are some untitled book covers. For any of them, tell us a title and synopsis of a book that will never by published. 2 H H R
855 The news could be verse Sum up an article (or even an ad!) in any Washington Post print or online edition from Feb. 6 through Feb. 15 in verse. 3
854 What's not to liken? Produce one or more similes in any of the following categories. 4 H H H
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word of phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H H H H H
850 Dead letters Write a humorous poem about someone who died in 2009. H H H
849 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym (or homophone) for any existing word and define it. H H H H H M
848 Up and addin' Compose a humorous rhopalic sentence (or multiple sentences) in which each word is one letter longer than the previous word. 3 H H
847 Questionable journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from Dec. 11 through Dec. 21 and come up with a question it might answer. 4 H H H H T
846 Season's gratings Write a brief (50 words or fewer) holiday letter from a personage from past or present, or from fiction. 2 H
845 Reologisms Write a description for any of 50 genuine Loser-created neologisms. H H H H M
844 Healthy choice Enter any Style Invitational from Week 790 through Week 840, except for Week 793 and Week 798. H H
843 Prefrains Provide a sentence or two of lead-in to the first line of a well-known book, poem, or song. H I
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H H H H T
841 Food for naught Alter the name of a food or dish slightly and describe the result. H H
840 Frittering away the neurons Give us some more colorfully useful phrases; they don't have to be in the X'ing-the-Y form. H H
839 Overlap Dance Overlap two words that share two or more consecutive letters -- anywhere in the word, not just at the beginning or end -- into a single longer word, and define it. AND your portmanteau word must begin with a letter from A through D. H H H H
837 Strip Search Combine two comic strips that appear in The Washington Post or at washingtonpost.com/comics and describe the results. 2 H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. 4 H H
835 Tour de Fours VI Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters T, H, R, and E. H H
834 Fractured Compounds Combine two full words within any single article appearing in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com into a hyphenated compound word, and define or otherwise describe the result. H H P
833 Our Greatest Hit Start with a real word or multi-word term or name that begins with M, N, O, or P; add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose two adjacent letters; and define the new word. 2 H H H H
832 Clue Us In You supply one or more clues for the words in a filled-in grid. H H H H H
831 A Big To-Do Name a "bucket list" item for a well-known real or fictional character. H H
830 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 14 through Aug. 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
829 Limerixicon 6 Supply a humorous limerick prominently featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters di-. M
827 Caller Idiot Name a real product or company and supply a stupid question or complaint for the consumer hotline person. H
826 The Inside Word Take any word -- this may include the name of a person or place -- put a portion of it in quotation marks, and redefine the word. M
825 Disinstrumentals Write some words to music that has no words. L
824 Jestinations Give us a slogan for any city or town. H H T
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H M T
822 For Real Folks Suggest some attractions for a Festival of Real American Folklife. H
821 Spit the Difference How are any of the items on the list above alike or different? H
820 Be Mister Language Person Supply a Mister Language Person-type question and answer. W
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
818 Name the Day Cite an actual holiday or one of those silly commemorative days, weeks or months for which you can find previous evidence, and supply a snarky description or slogan. H
817 Flopflip Reverse the first half and second half of a word or name and define the result. H H I
816 Googillions Come up with an original phrase that generates at least 1 million listings on a Google search. H H I
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, and I, two T's and an E. H H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H H H M
813 Aw, Shocks Give us a humorous example of the "shocking -- not." H H H
812 Rx-Related Humor Offer up some entirely false medical or psychological "fact." H
811 Rock-Bottom Lines Tell us a sign that the economy couldn't get worse. H H
810 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the more than 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. T
809 Unkindest Cutlines Supply cutlines, or captions, for any of these newspaper photos. H H
808 Take Us At Our Words Create a humorous poem or other writing using only the words contained in this week's Style Invitational column or results. H
807 Pretty Graphic Expressions Express some insight as an equation or other mathematical expression. H H H H H M
806 DQ Very Much Give us a phrase or sentence that would nip a potential relationship in the bud (or elsewhere). H
805 Brand Eccchs Give us an original name in any of the above categories (not an actual badly named product). H H H M
804 Our Type o' Joke Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com between Feb. 14 and 23, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead) or a brief first sentence of an article that would run under it. H H P
803 The Pepys Show Write a humorous diary or journal entry for someone, famous or not, for any point in history. H
802 Dreck TV Suggest a new cable TV channel, with a description or example of its programming. H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H H H M T W
800 Compairison Briefly define or sum up an existing word or short phrase, then change it very slightly and do the same with the result. 4 H H H
799 Send Us the Bill Come up with legislation that, given their names, two or more freshman senators or representatives might sponsor together. H
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. H M
796 Sincerest Flattery Make up a pun on a familiar name of a real of fictional person and provide a fitting description or quote. H H H H M
795 Stimulate Us Tell us what the government ought to be spending our money on. 2 H H
793 Take The Fifth Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 725 through Week 789. Each entry must include the word "five" of "fifth" or something fiveish, or -- depending on your favorite anniversary tradition -- something involving (a) wood or (b) silverware. H H H H H I
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H
791 The 1K Club Supply a chain of 20 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "Chris Doyle." M
790 If Only! Explain how the world would be different had some event not occurred. H H
789 Doctrine in The House? State a humorous, original "doctrine" for a person or other entity. H
788 The Back End of a Bulwer Give us a comically terrible ending of a novel. M P
787 Tour de Fours V Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters M, N and E. 4 H
786 Top of the Staake So get your thoughts provoked for No. Umpteen of our cartoon caption contest. H H
785 The Ballad Box Write a short, humorous song somehow relating to the presidential campaign, set to a familiar tune. H
784 Words to The Wiseacres Give us some proverbs for 21st-century life. H H H H I
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H I
782 That's the Ticket! Explain why any of the items on the list below is qualified to be President of the United States. H
781 Our Greatest Hit Start with a word or multi-word term that begins with I, J, K or L; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter or transpose tow adjacent letters; and define the new word. H H H
780 Location, Location, Location Say how you know you're in a particular place. H
778 Tied Games Combine any two sports or nonathletic activities into a single sport or game. H I
777 Limerixicon 5 Supply a humorous limerick featuring any English word, name or term beginning with the letters da-. H
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H H
775 Ad-dition Combine the beginning and end of any two words appearing in any single advertisement in The Post or on washingtonpost.com, from today through Aug. 4, and then define the new word. H
774 Tour De Forks Supply a name for a restaurant dish named after someone (or some product or organization) and describe it. H H T W
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H H I T
771 Groaner's Manuals Come up with a humorous name for a guide or manual for, or a book about, a particular enterprise or organization. H
770 A Knack for Anachronism Take a famous historical moment, literary passage, or movie scene and place it in an entirely different age. H H H H
769 Splice Work If You Can Get It Combine two words -- overlapping by at least two letters -- into what's know by polysyllabic types as a portmanteau word, and by the rest of us as mash word, and define it. M
768 The Events Described Herein Are Entirely Fictitious Come up with fictitious movie trivia. H H
767 Questionable Journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer. H H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H H
765 It's Doo-Dah Day Write humorous lyrics commemorating any of the 50 states of the District, set to any of these Stephen Foster songs. 2 H I M
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. H H
763 Another Time Around the Track Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. 4 H H W
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. H H L P T
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. H H W
759 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the 100 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H H H H
758 Wrong Address Using any of the words of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, in whatever order you like, create your own passage. 4 H
757 Gorey Thoughts From A to Z Send us some rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. H H H I
756 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from March 15 through 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H H H H H H
755 Take Another 'Whack Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces exactly one Web page on the Google search engine and describe the phrase. H H H I
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. H H
753 Hot Off The Riddle Supply a simple riddle and both the wholesome answer and the (printable) Invitational answer. T
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. I W
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H
750 Hit Us With Your Best Shot: Photo Contest No. 4 Illustrate, any way you like, any of the provided five captions with your own original photo. H H M
749 Opus 266, No. 3 Take any common word or two-word term beginning with any letter from A through H and give it a new definition. 2 H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H H
748 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about a well-known personage who died in 2007. H H H H M
747 Boeing Us Silly Suggest some comical ways to improve air travel, either in general or for yourself. I M
746 We Err The World Give us a motto or short slogan for any country in the world. H H I M
745 Hurry Up and Slow Down! Suggest particular ways that would slow life down, or ways that would speed it up. H
744 You OED Us One Make up a humorous and false definition for any of the words listed below. H H
743 Picture This Write a caption for any of these Bob Staake cartoons. H H H T
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H H H H H
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H H M
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H H H H P
739 Lies, All Lies Give us some humorous fictional revelation about a current or past political figure. H H
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H I N
736 So, Should I Drive Like Your Brother? Ask a car-related question that would make the Car Guys crack up. If you're not into cars, you can also post a question for advice columnist Ask Amy or etiquette columnist Miss Manners. T
735 Look Back in Inker Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731. H H H H H H H T
734 Turnaround Time Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other. H M
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H H H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H H H H
731 Doo Process Describe for us a wildly inefficient and ridiculous way to produce or prepare an ordinary dish or beverage. H
730 Time-Wastes For Everyman Describe activities that make entering The Style Invitational seem like a constructive use of one's time. H H
729 Otherwordly Visions Take any sentence in an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Sept. 1 through Sept. 10 and translate it into "plain English." 1 H H H
728 Tour de Fours IV Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters S, A, T and R. H H H
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. H I
726 Limerixicon 4 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary beginning with cl- through co-. H T
724 Abridged Too Far Sum up a book, play or movie in a humorous rhyming verse of two to four lines. 2 H H I T
723 Name Your Poison Create a name and recipe for a cocktail and, if you like, describe when it might be served. H H H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. H I
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appear to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. T
720 The Course of Humor Events Sum up a historical event in a two-line rhyme or other clever and pithy epigram. H H H H
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H H
718 Put Our Heads Together Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in a single day's Washington Post (or on washingtonpost.com) H T
717 Pitch Us a No-Hitter Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits. H H
716 The Hard Spell Write a humorous poem featuring one of the 75 words we've selected from this year's National Spelling Bee. H M
715 Your Mug Here Send us an idea for a slogan for the back of the new Loser T-shirt. 1 H T
714 Amalgamated Steal Merge two or more company or product names into a new, ORIGINAL company or product. H H I
713 Painings Name and interpret any of the provided paintings by Fred Dawson. M
711 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the April 29 or May 6 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. 3 H H H
710 Aw, Shoot Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring kitchen utensils and/or small household tools. H M P T
709 A Return Engagement Come up with some novel change to the tax code: a tax on something ought to be taxed, a credit for something that should be rewarded, what the $3 should go to instead of presidential campaigns, etc. H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H T
707 What Would YOU Do? Use only the words appearing in "The Cat in the Hat" to create your own work of "literature" of no more than 75 words. H H H H H H I
706 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com from March 24 through April 2 and come up with a question it could answer. H H
704 Another Game of Tag Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional. 3 H H H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. 1 M
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H H H H H H I M
701 Untitlement Here are the covers for what just might be Bob Staake's next four books. What are they called and what are they about? H T
699 Our Greatest Hit Take a word, term or name that begins with E, F, G or H; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H H H H H P
698 Let's Get Personnel Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer. H
697 We Beg You To Differ Take any two items from the truly random provided list and explain why they are different or why they are similar. 1 H H H H
696 Send Us the Bill Come up legislation the newly-elected members of Congress might sponsor together. H H H
695 Dead Letters Write a poem about someone who died in 2006. H H H M
694 Hopelessly Ever After Offer up a gloomy interpretation of any ungloomy piece of writing. H
693 Everything Being Sequel Give a brief scenario for the sequel to a well-known movie. T
692 Reinkernation Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation. H H H H H W
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H H H
690 Funnies: How Time Flies Pull Billy of "The Family Circus" -- or any of his comic strip neighbors in The Washington Post -- out of his time warp to a different age, era or place, and provide a short storyline or dialogue or caption. H H I
689 Busted Play Come up with a more objectionable or stupid toy than a working fart-powered toy rocket. H H H H H H M
687 What Were They Thinking? Tell us (A) What someone might say in some situation, and (B) what that person was actually thinking when he said A. H H H H M
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H H H H H L
683 What a Piece of Work String together words in a single scene, or two consecutive scenes, of "Hamlet" to produce on or more funny sentences, preferably unrelated to the original content. The words must appear in the order in which they appear in the play. 1 H H H H H H H H H L
682 Punkin'd! Send us a funny, clever, entirely original photo featuring one or more pumpkins and/or other vegetables. 1 H
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. 1
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H H
677 The News Gets Verse Sum up wittily in verse -- but not a limerick -- any article appearing in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4. H H
676 Tour de Fours III Coin and define a word containing -- with no other letters between them, but in any order you like -- the letters L, E, A and F. H H H H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. H H H L M
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H H M
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H H I
671 Join Now! Hyphenate the beginning and end of any two multi-syllabic words appearing anywhere in the July 16 Style or Sunday Arts section, and then define the compound. H H H H H H W
670 A Test of Character Change a word or phrase by only one letter -- substitute one letter for another, add a letter or transpose two letters -- and explain how they are different or similar. H H L M
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. 1 H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. 2 H H H W
666 Bedevil Us Give a mini-sermon explaining how some innocuous object or event signals the End of Days. H
665 Your One-in-a-Million Coin the millionth words in the English language and define it. The word must end in -ion. H H H H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H H
662 How Low Will You Go? Humiliate yourself for ink, and a stupid prize. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. H H H
658 Not in the Cards Send us ideas for cards that would likely be ruled "FBN" (Funny, But No) by Hallmark but F&YYY by the Empress. H H
657 Nuts Fruit Send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of fruit. H H T
654 It Plays to Recycle Come up with funny ways to recycle things, people, writing (except for your old Invitational entries) or ideas. H I
653 It's the Eponymy, Stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence 2 P
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. 3 H
651 Show Us Some Character Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it. 1 H
648 Caller IDiot Name a product or company and supply a stupid question to ask the consumer hotline person. W
647 Paste Imperfect Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad. H H H H I
646 Warped Perspectives Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons. H
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. T W
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rule. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. H H H I
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. H H H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H H
640 Whassa Motto Wid You? Give us a slogan or motto for any of the states, the District or the U.S. Territories. H H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? W
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. 2 H
637 Full Steam Ahead Write a steamy passage of a novel that's ostensibly by some well-known person who isn't a novelist. L
636 A Song From Tex Arcana Write a verse of a song about sea urchin sushi or any of the other provided ostensibly unlyrical topics. H
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from than original winners. H
634 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from today through next Sunday, and change its meaning by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
632 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.) Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject. L
631 Picture This What's going on in any of these cartoons? 1
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. 2 H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]