PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR NICK DIERMAN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- I: Idea for Contest.
||The Shill Game
||Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company.
||Doody and Muldoon
||Write poetry that out-Muldoons Paul Muldoon, the Princeton professor who won this year's Pulitzer Prize in poetry. Your poem must be a single quatrain, containing at least one rhyme and references to at least two body parts and one geographic name.
||Create a new homonym of any existing word, and define. The new word must be spelled in such a way that is obviously pronounced identically to the original word.
||H H H |
||Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain.
||Come up with a joke that could be written and understood only by a Washingtonian.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||THE GAME OF THE NAME
||Propose a bad name for the provided categories.
||H H |
||SONG SUNG BROWN
||Pick any song, pick a well-known line, and give us the discarded first draft. If it is part of a rhyme, you must maintain the rhyme.
||THE EDGE OF MIGHT
||Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases.
||Take any photo caption or headline appearing anywhere in today's Post and alter its meaning by adding, deleting, or changing one letter.
||H H |
||THE WASHINGTON IRVINGS
||Come up with creative names for the high school football teams of real towns in America.
||DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR
||Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism.
||Come up with inappropriate celebrity endorsements for real products.
||1 I |
||CAN YOU DO VERSE?
||Bad Valentine's Day poetry. Any rhyme scheme, any form of literary dysfunction.
||HEY, IT COULD BE WORSE
||There are worse things in life than the Washington Redskins. Just tell us what they are.
||IT'S THE EPONYMY, STUPID
||Coin an eponym, a word or figure of speech based on the name of a famous person. You must define the word, and, if you wish, use it in a sentence.
||Create vanity license plates for famous people.
||WRITE A MOTTO. WIN A MONSTROSITY.
||Maryland needs a new motto, a multi-purpose slogan suitable for placement on a state seal or a license plate. Something grand, something that embodies the full bodacious majesty of the state.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]