||With parens like these …
||Add some words in parentheses to a well-known song title to make it funnier in some way.
||Re-arrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work.
||Give us some bad ideas
||Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases.
||They don't say!
||Give us a quote that a particular person, present or past, real or fictional, sooo wouldn't have said.
||Use the title of a movie as the answer to a riddle or other question.
||Breed any two of 100 of the almost 400 horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races, and name the foal.
||Pitch Us a No-Hitter
||Send us some genuine Googlenopes. A Googlenope is a phrase or very brief sentence that, entered into the Google search engine with quotation marks around it, produces no hits.
||Let's Get Personnel
||Send us some humorously creative questions that a job interviewer would ask an applicant, or some questions it might be fun to ask the interviewer.
||A LOVER'S SPAT
||Enter the contest that is run by the editor of your choice.
||IT'S LIKE THIS
||Come up with really lame analogies.
||CAN YOU STOP THIS?
||Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room.
||Resurrect the "cinquain," a long-deceased poetic form, poems so ickily precocious and pretentious they make haiku look like Kipling. There are five lines, the first containing two syllables, the second containing four syllables, the third six, the fourth eight and the last, with grave finality and thunderous drama, only two. Your subject matter must be suitable for the 1990s.
||Take any photo caption or headline appearing anywhere in today's Post and alter its meaning by adding, deleting, or changing one letter.
||What questions were left out of the Great American Sex Survey?
||A RECYCLED IDEA THAT WAS NONE TOO GOOD TO BEGIN WITH
||Alter a well-known phrase or name by deleting, adding or changing only one letter, and then supply a definition for what results.
||Complete any of the provided jokes in 75 words or fewer.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]