This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1282 Picture This Write a caption for one or more of the provided pictures. H
762 Look This Up in Your Funk & Wagnalls Supply the pair of terms listed at the top of a page of any print dictionary to indicate the first and last listings on the page, and define that hyphenated term. W
628 You Gotta Have Connections Choose any two or more items from the provided truly random list and describe how they are alike or different. H
612 Oh, and One More Thing What was the thing that didn't make the cut on any list? H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. W
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. 2 H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
567 A Running Gag Explain how any of the provided bizarre cartoons by Bob Staake relates to the current presidential campaign. H
548 Inklings Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies. H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
520 I, Object These items were ordered by well-known people. Who ordered them, and why? H
517 Insert Joke Here Slip a single bogus sentence into next year's State of the Union address, figuring the Prez will probably just read it right off the teleprompter. H
511 It All Impends Tell us what is something unusual about to happen in the provided cartoons. H H
481 Homonymphomania Create a new homonym of any existing word, and define. The new word must be spelled in such a way that is obviously pronounced identically to the original word. H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. H
464 Cursive Writing Come up with a new curse for this millennium. H
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
445 Another Round of Bierce Add a few entries to Ambrose Bierce's famous "Devil's Dictionary." H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. H
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H
388 Pitches in the Dirt Come up with a sales pitch to get any surplus product off the shelves. H
379 Rather Unusual Come up with lines that could be uttered by Dan Rather, with his unbearably folksy excesses. H
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. H


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]