PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR KEVIN CUDDIHY

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1118 Breed 'em and weep Breed any two of the provided 100 racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown events and name the foal the reflect both names. H
1092 Are we having funds yet? Suggest a humorous fundraising "challenge" for any organization. H
1011 Top these! Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back. H
979 The madding crowd Suggest funny, original ways to tick people off. H
932 We'll call them your-mama jokes Tell us an original "your mama" joke. H
638 The Little Bummer Boy Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis. I
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. P
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. W
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. H
505 The Rule of Dumb You are given $1 million. Conditions: (1) You must spend it all. (2) You must use it in a way that neither directly nor indirectly works to your financial benefit. (3) You may not use it to alleviate the suffering of anyone on Earth, or for any public-spirited project other than the joy of stupidity. H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
497 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? W
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. I
427 Skinned Come up with events that have a smaller chance of happening than the Redskins winning the Super Bowl. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H
382 Pickup Schticks Write inept pickup lines, by either sex, to either sex. 2 H H
358 Finish the Fire Finish "We Didn't Start the Fire," to summarize 1990 to the present. H H
351 Dubya Fun Take any well-known statement, expression, slogan, etc., and rewrite it the way Dubya might have said it. H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H
334 The New Style Invitational: Six Choices for Czar Vote for one of six possible editors of the Style Invitation, from among the current Czar and five worthy competitors. H
327 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
318 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H
309 A STINKING PILE OF THESES Write an all-purpose first line or paragraph for any doctoral dissertation, designed to impress the heck out of academics. 1 H H
306 YOUNGIAN THERAPY Suggest ways in which the Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people. A H I L
295 PANEL DISCUSSION Supply the contents of the missing panel in the provided cartoon strips. H
292 PAYING THE BILL Propose appropriate punishments for President Clinton. L
284 ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
283 UH-OH Come up with "uh-oh" lines, statements that occur in the middle of a seemingly benign speech or conversation, suddenly alerting the listener that he is about to hear some bad news. H
280 EXPRESSING IT NICELY Come up with colorful expressions for any of the six provided activities, to make them sound a little less tawdry. L
266 DEFINITELY WEIRD Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it. 1
250 OH, GREAT Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if …" H
237 ASK BACKWARD You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? 6
235 ROOTS Make up historical explanations--they should be vaguely plausible--for the etymology of any term you wish. The term should be the punch line. I
229 WE CAN'T HEAR YOU Supply an example for any of the five "Things you don't want to hear" categories provided. H
228 MAKE MY DAY Supply advice to today's spoiled kids about how bad things were when we were growing up. H
222 TRIP DEUCES Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H H H
220 RSVP Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. 2 H
209 WE NEED SOME SEASONING Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington. H
207 TIED TO BE FIT Each of the eight provided items is related, in some fashion, to one or more of the provided individuals. You make the connections. H
195 THE MARTHIAN CHRONICLES Come up with items for Martha Stewart's December-January calendar of projects. H
191 GOING THROUGH A PHRASE Come up with phrase for an American English phrasebook that would provide no practical help whatsoever to a foreigner trying to get along in the United States. L
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. 2 H
186 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? 3
182 CAN YOU STOP THIS? Come up with a conversation stopper, a line likely to end all further discourse, perhaps even empty a room. H
179 A CLOCKWORK, UM, UM, ... ER Write single sentences containing no fewer than three examples of rhyming slang. W
178 DEEP THROATS Come up with Deep Thoughts, in the style of Jack Handey of "Saturday Night Live." A Deep Thought is a short, simple, seemingly inspirational observation that winds up being cynical, ironic, or just plain weird. H H
175 FOSSIL FOOLS What would aliens mistakenly conclude about us from any of the provided items? A
173 DEAD RECKONING Propose a question that might be asked by a living celebrity to a famous dead person. You must name the living person, name the dead person, and tell us the question. L
167 CRAPSEY Resurrect the "cinquain," a long-deceased poetic form, poems so ickily precocious and pretentious they make haiku look like Kipling. There are five lines, the first containing two syllables, the second containing four syllables, the third six, the fourth eight and the last, with grave finality and thunderous drama, only two. Your subject matter must be suitable for the 1990s. H
163 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
162 MAY WE HAVE YOUR PRETENSION, PLEASE? Come up with the most pretentious original sentence possible. H
157 WARNING SIGNS Complete any of these "you might be about to" warning sentences. 2 H
156 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Create new word by combining the first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of a hyphenated word. Both words must appear in the same story anywhere in today's Washington Post. Each entry must provide a definition for the newly created word. 1
154 ENTER LAUGHING Make up a knock-knock joke. The subject of the third line must be something crude, silly, or profound. H W
153 STUMP US Complete this sentence, "I should be elected President of the United States because…" and launch your campaign. L
151 STRIP MINING Come up with a concept for a new, controversial strip to replace an existing one in The Post. 3
150 TRIAL BALLOONS What are the people saying? H
149 O, NO! Come up with a palindrome, a line that reads the same backward and forward, and then use it as a punchline to a joke. 3
146 IT'S LIKE THIS Produce an A and B to complete the expression "A makes about as much sense as B." H
141 ASK BACKWARD VII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
140 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY? Come up with "What-If" scenarios and logical outcomes. H
132 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS. What should our loser's T-shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. H H
131 DROODLEYSQUAT Come up with "droodles," simple geometric drawings with funny explanations. 2
127 GADGET IF YOU CAN Choose one or more of these devices and describe their use. 1
126 EVERYBODY'S TALKIN' What are these people, etc., saying or thinking? H
125 ASK BACKWARD VI You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
124 SPOON-FEED US. Come up with spoonerisms, expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words. I
122 THE UNKINDEST CUTE OF ALL Come up with a new story line for "Peanuts", some plot development or new character that will put the strip back on the road to relevance. H H
107 CLUSTERS' LAST STAND Take an actual star cluster, redraw the lines into a different image, and give it a new name. H
103 SEND HELP. Come up with ways to raise some badly needed cash for the District of Columbia. H
98 YOUR CHEATIN' ART Come up with titles for country music songs featuring any one or more of the following themes: cheatin', thievin', drinkin', truckin', lovin' or dogs. I
97 NEWTONIAN PHILOSOPHY Come up with more Newt Gingrich philosophy to explain the differences between men and women, Democrats and Republicans, dogs and cats, whatever needs explaining. H
95 HOW'S THAT AGAIN? Take any headline appearing anywhere in The Post this week and completely rewrite the first lines of the story to put a different, unintended spin on it. H
75 CURSES! Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition. H
74 SHIRT HAPPENS In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say? H H
70 SOUNDS LIKE A BAD IDEA Come up with jokes based on noises. H
63 BAD ABOUT YOU Come up with a lame idea for a Style Invitational contest, an idea destined to create unfunny results. H H
42 HEY, IT COULD BE WORSE There are worse things in life than the Washington Redskins. Just tell us what they are. H
17 REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM Come up with an easy way to reduce the federal deficit, in 20 words or fewer. H
13 ANAGRAMS = A MAN'S RAG Come up with a funny anagram for the name of a famous person or institution. All letters in the name must be used, and no letters may be left over. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]