PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JUDITH COTTRILL

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1395 Add nauseam: A plus-one contest Add a "plus one" to some familiar numerical grouping, true or fictional H
992 Mittsterpiece Theatre Suppose public-TV shows, past or present, were turned out onto the open market to make a living on commercial TV. Tell us what would happen. H
872 Har Monikers Combine the first parts of each word in a famous person's or character's name -- in order -- and define it or use it in a sentence that somehow refers to its source. H
871 Remarquees Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. 4
869 Clue us in Send us funny, clever clues for any of the words already in this grid. H
856 Titled Puerility Here are some untitled book covers. For any of them, tell us a title and synopsis of a book that will never be published. 3
853 It's easy as DEF Create a brand-new word or phrase that contains a block of three successive letters in the alphabet; the series must go forward in the alphabet, not backward. H
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H
797 Be Resolute Make a humorous resolution for some particular person or institution to accomplish next year. 3 H
792 Clue Us In Compile a set of funny alternative clues to a crossword penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H W
776 An Act of Sunny Side Note the silver lining in some otherwise disappointing turn of events. H
757 Gorey Thoughts From A to Z Send us some rhyming alphabet-primer couplets. H
752 The Might-Mates Right Fill out any of these five "you just might" joke-templates. H
751 Strike Gold Slightly change the name of an existing or former TV show to create a program that can scab the writers' strike. H
740 Give Us a Hint Offer clues in various situations that something isn't working out well. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. 3
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H
721 Know Your Market For any of the provided photos, supply two captions: one that would appeal to The Style Invitational and one that would appeal to the Harrisburg Patriot-News. H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. H H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
686 It's Baaaaack! Explain why you, or anyone else in particular, ought to have this fine oil-on-panel by Fred Dawson of Beltsville, or what it might be used for. 3
680 Rendered Speechless Provide dialogue to fill the balloons in any of these cartoons. H
673 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on Washingtonpost.com from July 30 through Aug. 7 and reinterpret it by adding either a "bank headline," or subtitle, or the first sentence of an article that might appear under it. H H
668 Cut From the Chase Write an original John-Bunnell-style wrap-up to a crime story -- or one for a more minor transgression. H
663 Worth at Least a Dozen Words Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption. H
661 Name Any Good Movies Lately? Give us a funny new title for an existing movie. H
658 Not in the Cards Send us ideas for cards that would likely be ruled "FBN" (Funny, But No) by Hallmark but F&YYY by the Empress. 2 H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. H H
651 Show Us Some Character Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it. H
649 Across the Wide What? Give us some Virginia-appropriate lyrics for "Shenandoah." H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply the result. H
617 Best the Best Write something about any famous personage that uses only the letters in his or her name. H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H
610 MASH Find two well-known movies, plays, or TV shows whose title have a significant word in common, combine their titles, and describe the hybrid. H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H H
607 Contest Fodder Created! Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events. H
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
599 So What's the News? Tell us what the illustrated events are. H
591 Dead Letters Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
577 Teledubbies Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it. H H H H H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. H
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H
569 Murphy's Lore Give Eric Murphy advice he deserves on the provided questions. H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H
543 Read Our Leaps Fill any readers of The Washington Post on Sunday, Feb. 29, 2032, on: (a) the day's lead news story; (b) the highest-flying company and its business; (c) the best-selling self-help book; and/or (d) the day's winning Style Invitational entry. H
541 Celled Up the River Give us a delicious scenario, in which a cellphone yakker's yakking could be taken profitably out of context. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. H
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. T
534 The Feminine Touch Propose how any male-dominated occupation or institution would change if it suddenly became female-dominated. 2
527 Rite of First Defusal Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments. H
524 Around Things Moving Take the title of any book or movie, rearrange the words, and explain what the new book or movie is about. H
523 Hard to Overstate Propose ways to make modern life just a little bit harder than it needs to be. H
515 A Cellebration of Tasteful Living Come up with ways that Martha Stewart can prettify and improve her new prison surroundings using only her skills, her impeccable taste and those resources available to her. H
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
506 The Battle of All Mottoes Provide a slogan for any federal department agency, department, office, etc. H
497 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
496 The Style Invitational: The First Dreckade Submit new entries to any of the old contests listed, and try to beat The Very Best of the Past 10 Years. H H
491 Hirschfeld Follies Try to figure out which celebrities Bob Staake is trying to draw in imitation of Al Hirschfeld. 1 H
490 Eyes on Reprise Submit any good entries you might have thought of, for any previous contest, after the deadline passed. H
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. 3
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. H
458 It's a Setup Come up with joke setups for any of the provided punch lines. H
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. H H
449 Cut and Pastiche Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in today's Post. You cannot subdivide words. 4 H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H
442 Titletales Take any real book or movie, change one word slightly, and describe the resulting new product. H H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. H
428 No Rest for the Query Answer any of the provided supposedly unanswerable questions in the voice of any famous person, living or dead. H
423 Roling With Laughter Take a character from one movie, use him or her to replace a character in a second movie, and then explain how this change would affect the second movie. H
420 Ha Anxiety Make us laugh. R
419 Don't Spare the Rodney Come up with indications that one might not be getting no respect. H
414 No Rest for the Query Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down. H
412 Painful Climaxes Come up with statements that start really dramatically, but leave you sorta flat at the end. H
409 Nice Job, if You Get It Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer. H
408 What's In a Name? Take the name of any politician, living or dead, and construct an appropriate message from the letters of the name. You may use any letter as many times as you wish, and you may insert punctuation. H
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. H H
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H
403 Cry, Uncle! Write the beginnings of an obituary that will provide the details of what happened to the Style Invitational Uncle. 1
398 Animal Magnetism Make great literature and/or a significant expression of the human condition out of the provided randomly-selected words. Use whatever punctuation you choose and any of the words, but only those words, and use them only once. 1 H H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H H W
383 A Kinder, Gender Nation Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine. H
380 The New-Name Offense Propose changes for the names of places and things that need it, either because there is something wrong with their name, or because another name would be so much more descriptive. H
377 Week MMDCXLIV Provide a headline (and, if necessary, the first line of the text) for any article that will appear in The Washington Post on this day in the year 2050. H
376 Apply Yourself Supply bad openings to college application biographies. 2 H
370 No End in Sight Write the beginnings of sentences you don't want to hear the end of. H
364 Low Marks Come up with a new punctuation mark. Tell us what it looks like, and what it is used for, and use it in a sentence. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]