PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR MICHAEL CONNAGHAN

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1248 C'mon, fess up! Send us a brief "confession" -- there will be categories for true and just-kidding. H
1141 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in the Post (print or online) Sept. 17-28 by writing a bankhead, or subtitle. H
891 Mirror, Mirror Write a word-palindrome sentence, in which the first and last words are the same; the second and next-to-last, etc. H
878 Safety in blunders Tell us a way to make the nation more secure. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. 2 H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. L
623 Try to Remember Give us an original mnemonic for any list that someone might want to remember. P
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. P
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. H
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. H
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
548 Inklings Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies. H H
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. 2
544 You Gotta Have Heart Write us some valentine sentiments from one particular person (real or fictional) to another. H
539 Dead Letters Pay tribute in verse to someone who died in 2003. H
533 Breed Apart Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have. H H
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." W
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H
414 No Rest for the Query Complete the provided rhetorical question by filling in the blanks. It must be a put-down. 2
413 Bland Ambition Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions. H H
272 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
226 GOING WITHOUT Complete some variation of the expression "An A without a B is like a C without a D." H
221 SONG SUNG BROWN Pick any song, pick a well-known line, and give us the discarded first draft. If it is part of a rhyme, you must maintain the rhyme. 3
220 RSVP Provide an answer to any of the dumb questions from Week 217. H
217 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT Come up with truly stupid questions. H H
214 ASK BACKWARDS IX You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? H H H
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. 2
210 RANDOM MEMO Supply embarrassing "While You Were Out" phone messages that might be left for famous people, in plain sight, while they are away from their desks. 1 L
206 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE II Create a new word by combining the first half of any hyphenated word in today's newspaper with the second half of any other hyphenated word elsewhere in the same story, and supply a definition. 3 H
187 RACE TO THE FINISH LINE In 75 words or fewer, continue in a productive fashion the story line of the provided real first lines of famous literary works. H
186 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
171 ON SECOND THOUGHT Ideas that never got off the drawing board, for good reason. H
156 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Create new word by combining the first half of a hyphenated word with the second half of a hyphenated word. Both words must appear in the same story anywhere in today's Washington Post. Each entry must provide a definition for the newly created word. H
155 COMPARISON SHOPPING Explain the difference between any two of the above items. L
148 RORSCHACH OF THE CROWD IV Interpret these ink blots. H
141 ASK BACKWARD VII You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
137 VELVIS LIVES Come up with a title and/or art gallery blurb for this velvet Elvis painting. H
133 LIKE, WOW. Come up with funny analogies. H H H H L W
132 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS. What should our loser's T-shirt say on the back? Your goal is to somehow capture the spirit of the contest. H H
124 SPOON-FEED US. Come up with spoonerisms, expressions based on the transposition of the initial sounds of two paired words. H
108 NEAR MISSES Come up with the first drafts of great lines in history, entertainment or literature. H

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]