PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR CECIL CLARK
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Suggest some bad advice for new arrivals to this country (legal or illegal).
||Worth at Least a Dozen Words
||Interpret any of the provided cartoons as you see fit in a caption.
||How Low Will You Go?
||Humiliate yourself for ink, and a stupid prize.
||Send in funny (but printable) images of real pieces of fruit.
||Give us a scenario for a horror novel based on an everyday item.
||Change a headline or sentence that appears in the Post or on washingtonpost.com through Feb. 6 either by deleting up to 40 consecutive characters from it or by adding 40 consecutive characters from the same article or ad.
||H H |
||Tell us how two different types of people, animals, organizations, etc., would interpret any of the provided cartoons.
||What's the Small Idea?
||Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans?
||H H |
||The Little Bummer Boy
||Come up with an idea (and title, if you like) for an original Christmas movie or TV special that provides an antidote to all the sap, and give us a brief synopsis.
||Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader (Inc.)
||Give us an original backronym for a company or product. A backronym is a fake etymology that often gets in a little dig at the subject.
||Contest Fodder Created!
||Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events.
||Come up with an appropriate name for a cafeteria--or meeting room, or an employee lounge, or some other workplace spot--for a particular institution.
||H H |
||Take This, Job, and …
||Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally.
||Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!)
||Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions.
||Take any two of the provided items and explain how they resemble or differ from each other.
||Your Slogan Here
||Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business.
||Suggest creative uses for things you've already used, or never will use, or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination.
||And the Horse He Rodin On
||Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker.
||Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art.
||Create a sillygism--a syllogism that doesn't quite work.
||A Major Offensive
||Find something anywhere in today's Washington Post and complain about it with absurd oversensitivity.
||Ism This Stupid?
||Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term.
||Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]