||You're giving us a bad name
||Cite a REAL brand name, past or present, note its original use, and then say what sort of product, organization, etc., that name would be bad for.
||Try your hand at any of the contests mentioned in this look back.
||Look Back in Inker
||Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 680 through Week 731.
||Write a rhyming couplet containing two words that are anagrams of each other.
||Enter any Style Invitational contest from Week 640 through Week 688. Every entry must include the word "three" or "third" or a creative variation.
||Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word.
||Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement.
||Tour de Fours II
||Create and define a word that includes, consecutively, E, R, A and N. in any order.
||H H |
||Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions.
||H H |
||Comeback Next Week
||Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments.
||The News Could be Verse
||Translate the fine prose of Washington Post articles into verse. Choose any article appearing in The Post of on its Web site from April 17 through April 25.
||Truly Stupendous Ideas
||Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different.
||Fun for the Roses
||Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. The name of the foal must be no more than 18 characters, including spaces.
||Take a Letter -- Again
||Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add one letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word.
||Top of the Inking
||Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals.
||Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital.
||Take Her Words for It
||Use the words of this week's Ask Amy advice column, as a pool from which to compose your own useful (or useless) thoughts. You may ignore or change capitalization or punctuation.
||History Loves Company
||Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story.
||3 H H |
||Take This, Job, and …
||Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally.
||Gadget If You Can
||Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are.
||Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings.
||God's Will (and Won't)
||Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----."
||It's Parody Time
||Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular.
||Mess With Our Heads
||Take any headline, verbatim, from the Washington Post or its Web site from today through next Sunday, and reinterpret it by writing either a "bank headline"--or subtitle--or the first sentence of an article that changes the original meaning entirely.
||Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text.
||Evil Things in Store
||Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate.
||Give Us a Bad Name
||Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one.
||Put It in Reverse
||Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]