This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1277 Come into Beeing with neologisms From any of the 15 provided Spelling Bee letter sets, coin a new term of one or two words and define it humorously. You may also supply an especially clever or funny definition of a real term. H
1190 You're workin' on a chain, gang Create a chain of no more than 15 proper nouns — names of people (real or fictional), products, places, etc. — including one title of a work — in which each 4
1079 Little piddle riddle Ask a question and answer it with a rhyme. H H
1046 Derive us crazy Offer a bogus but funny explanation of how a particular expression originated. H
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. H
962 Questionable journalism Take any sentence (or a major part of it) that appears in the Post or in an article on anytime from now through March 19 and supply a question it could answer. 3
872 Har Monikers Combine the first parts of each word in a famous person's or character's name -- in order -- and define it or use it in a sentence that somehow refers to its source. H
871 Remarquees Change a movie title by one letter (or number, if the title includes a number) and describe the new film. H
846 Season's gratings Write a brief (50 words or fewer) holiday letter from a personage from past or present, or from fiction. H
842 Ask backwards Here are your 12 possible answers. Tell us your joke in the form of a question, please. H
836 Other People's Business Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice. H
823 Wryku Compose a humorous (or at least wry or clever) haiku. H
819 Art Re-View These objects are not what they seem to be, at first glance. They are something else entirely. What are they? H
815 Wittecisms Create an original word containing -- in any order -- at least a W, and I, two T's and an E. H
814 There Will Be Bloodline Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name their foal. H
811 Rock-Bottom Lines Tell us a sign that the economy couldn't get worse. H
783 The Shill Game Name a celebrity or fictional character to endorse a real product or company. H
767 Questionable Journalism Find any sentence (or a substantive part of a sentence) that appears in the Post or in an article on from May 31 through June 9 and come up with a question it might answer. H
766 Think to Shudder Come up with scenarios that are even more awkward (and more imaginative) than the wincers mentioned above. H
758 Wrong Address Using any of the words of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, in whatever order you like, create your own passage. H
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. H
738 So What's To Liken? Take any two items from the utterly random list above and explain how they are different or how they are similar. H
732 The Chain Gang Supply a chain of 25 names -- they may be names of people, places, organizations, products, etc., but they must be names -- beginning and ending with "George W. Bush." H
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. H
702 Unreal Facts Come up with a comically false factoid. 4 H
700 Stump Us Come up with someone's slogan for the 2008 presidential campaign. H
695 Dead Letters Write a poem about someone who died in 2006. H
691 Haven't Got a Clue Make all the clues in the provided crossword ooh-clever or at least ah-that's-funny, even the little words. H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. H
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H
672 Just Sign This Write a funny message for an overhead highway sign. H
664 A Thousand Times?! No! Come up with a new signature line for Russell Beland's -- or anyone else's -- e-mails. P
656 It's Post Time Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined. H
652 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. You supply the questions. H W
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H
621 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article in anytime through Aug. 8 and supply a question it could answer. H
620 Keep the Empress Employed Suggest some original, creative ways that The Post could increase its circulation. H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. H
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. H
597 Eccchsibits Come up with some alternative museums and exhibits for the nation's capital. H
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. H
593 Take This, Job, and … Come up with some entertainingly awful things that a Job's comforter might offer. A Job's comforter is someone who seems to be offering sympathy but instead just makes the person feel worse, either intentionally or unintentionally. H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted is to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
582 Perversery Rhymes Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H
559 Your Slogan Here Come up with a clever slogan or sign for a business. 1
540 Revisionist History, or Badenov for You? State any news event (or old event) in the style of the Rocky-and-Bullwinkle teasers about the next show. H
532 Short Pans Come up with a terse review (four words or fewer) of any work of art. H
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." H
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? 1 H
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession. To form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. H
502 Picture This Who are these people? What are they doing? H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. 2 H
497 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
489 Combo, First Blood Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered. H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. H
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
465 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any word or word combination in today's Post that is broken by a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word from the same story, and define the new word that is formed. H H
461 Punch Us Again Take any comic from the daily Washington Post during the next week and make it better by changing the contents of the final word balloon. H
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. H
454 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H W
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. H
447 Acronimble Take any of the provided witty statements and use the first letters in each of the words to create a brand-new, unrelated funny statement. H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H
439 No Can Do Write signs of incompetence. H H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. H
430 OMB Directive No. 2 Revisit any contest The Style Invitational has ever run, and rewrite out tawdry past by proposing a new first-prize winner serious and/or decorous enough to please the Ombudsman. H
425 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word from any story in today's newspaper and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and propose a definition of the new word you've created. H
410 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
408 What's In a Name? Take the name of any politician, living or dead, and construct an appropriate message from the letters of the name. You may use any letter as many times as you wish, and you may insert punctuation. H
407 Adverbiage Come up with a witticism or a joke by making a pun out of an adverb. Unlike Tom Swiftlys, your adverb must modify not a verb but an adjective. 3
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H
400 Life Is Snort Write a "Life is Short" entry in under 100 words, in the voice of a celebrity, living or dead. H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. 1
395 Devilishly Clever Describe someone's special little corner of Hell. H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
386 The Game of Clue What are some clues that someone might be any of the provided characterizations? H
381 Idiom Savant Take any well-known idiom, or expression, and invent an interesting derivation for it. H
375 Show Us Up Combine the names of two existing TV shows (past or present) to make an entirely new show. Then, describe the show. H
374 Bill Us Later Take a well-known expression and update it for the new millennium. H
370 No End in Sight Write the beginnings of sentences you don't want to hear the end of. H
368 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. 5 H
365 Terse Verse Ask a question and then answer it with a rhyme. Your answer can be as many words as you wish, but all must have the same rhyme. 5 H H
364 Low Marks Come up with a new punctuation mark. Tell us what it looks like, and what it is used for, and use it in a sentence. 2
357 Coming to a Bad End Take some immortal line from literature or film and ruin it by adding a short phrase or sentence. H
356 Med Icks Invent a clever name for a new medical product, and specify the condition it would treat. H
351 Dubya Fun Take any well-known statement, expression, slogan, etc., and rewrite it the way Dubya might have said it. H
347 Capital Pun-ishment Take an expression, or a lyric for a song, or any recognizable line of prose, and make it the punchline of an awful pun. 1
342 Plainly Ridiculous Take any direct quotation from any article in today's Washington Post and translate it into "plain English." H
339 Campaignful Developments Come up with signs that a presidential campaign might be in trouble. H H
336 THE "STY"LE INVITATIONAL Choose any word and emphasize a single part of it, as though you were saying the word out loud with "air quotes" around the key part. Then redefine the word. You cannot alter the spelling of the word. H H
322 YOU NAME IT Take a well known pair or group of names, extend one of them in some manner, and explain how the group dynamic changes. H
319 REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY Create an original chiasmus, an ancient literary form in which meaning is derived by pairing two words or phrases, and then reversing their order. H H
314 IT'S THE LIST YOU CAN DO Start with the name of a famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, either a full name or partial name. Progress through a series other names or phrases. Each name or phrase must be related to the prior item either by being a homophone or a definition. Eventually, arrive at a name or a phrase that is an appropriate pairing with the original name. 1
311 A JERRY-BUILT CONTEST Find cleverly disguised threats to public morality or hallowed American values that may be secretly lurking out there in our culture. H
310 IT'S LIKE THIS Come up with really lame analogies. H H
306 YOUNGIAN THERAPY Suggest ways in which the Style Invitational or any other Washington area institution can become more relevant to younger people. H H
301 PICTURE THIS What is happening in these cartoons? H
299 ANOTHER LEFTIST RAG Write the day's tabloid headlines with your left hand only. (This means you can use no keys to the right of 6, T, G and B.) H
297 FREE FOR OIL Take any article in today's paper, and write an outraged letter to the editor about it that totally misses the point, either by misreading a word or misunderstanding the topic. H
291 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Take any story in today's paper, find a word that breaks with a hyphen at the end of a line, and combine it with the second half of different hyphenated word in the same story. Then supply a definition for the new hybrid word. H
287 BEFORE AND AFTERMATH Begin with a real name, append to it a word, name or expression that completes the bridge, and finally define the resulting phrase. 3 H H
281 CALCULATE THE ODDS Tell us which of the two provided items does not belong with the other two, and why. H H
264 ASK BACKWARDS You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. What are the questions? W
260 IT'S A SNAP Come up with replacements for the two hackneyed answers: "Is the Pope Catholic?" and "When Hell freezes over." W
245 LIKE FUN Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences. H
244 HYPHEN THE TERRIBLE Coin new words, and provide a definition, by combining the first half of a hyphenated word for any story in today's Post with the second half of another hyphenated word in the same story. H
235 ROOTS Make up historical explanations--they should be vaguely plausible--for the etymology of any term you wish. The term should be the punch line. W
232 PRIMAL URGES Update, for the millennium, the old "A is for Apple" reading primer. An entry must include the four letters in one of these blocks: A-D, E-H, I-L, M-P, Q-T, U-Z. 1
230 TALES FROM THE CRYPTOGRAM Take any proper noun--a person, a book, a movie, whatever--and create for it an appropriate cryptogram. H
227 WILD PITCHES Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created represent it. H
226 GOING WITHOUT Complete some variation of the expression "An A without a B is like a C without a D." H
223 ATTEMPTING REENTRY Submit entries to any past contest, so long as you never submitted them before. H H
219 VERBOSITY Come up with new, obnoxious, self-conscious faux verbs and use them in sentences. H
218 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people? What are they doing? H
212 DUMB AS THE POST Come up with even stupider crimes than those committed by Montgomery County's "gentleman burglars." H
211 GIVE US THE BACKS OFF YOUR SHIRTS Design the back of the fourth Style Invitational T-shirt, with anything that captures the transcendent indignity of this contest. H
198 YOU MUST BE MAD II Come up with proposals designed to infuriate special interest groups. 3
188 BLANKETY BLANKS Complete any of the above sentences, substituting your own phrases for the well-known omitted words. 4 H
180 WHEN IN DOUBT, PUN Take any headline in today's Post and improve it by somehow turning it into a pun. H
176 WRITE IN THE KISSER In the style of any famous author, write a description of any one of these people: Bill Clinton, Bob Dole, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Prince Charles or Sylvester Stallone. 3
174 THE EDGE OF MIGHT Complete any of the four provided "you might" phrases. H H
163 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take the list of all 1996 Triple Crown nominees, couple up any two of them, and propose an appropriate name for their hypothetical foal. The foal's name must fit in no more than 18 characters, including spaces. H
158 SO SUE US Come up with frivolous lawsuits. W
152 WE ARE CURIOUS (YELLOW) Take any headline in today's Washington Post and rewrite it in tabloid fashion so the story seems a lot more scandalous and/or lurid than it is. H
145 LOOIE, LOOIE Come up with paired, themed ladies' room and men's room signs for various types of public places. H
140 WHAT IF YOU GIVE IT A TRY? Come up "What-If" scenarios and logical outcomes. H H H
138 LIST BUT NOT LEAST Come up with Top-10-style lists for any of the above four subjects. H
130 NICELY STATED Create a fictional city to be humorously paired with a real state abbreviation. 4
128 LIKE, DUH Come up with snappy answers to stupid questions. H H
125 ASK BACKWARD VI You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
117 GIVE 'EM HELOISE Come up with a tribute to Heloise, that queen of inanely creative recycling. H H
115 THE MNEMONIC PLAGUE Come up with new mnemonic devices to remember complicated lists. 3 H
111 ASK BACKWARDS V Here are the answers. What are the questions? H
96 STICK IT IN YOUR ERA Come up with a catch phrase for the 1990s. H
89 CHILD'S PLAY Come up with bad ideas for new toys for the Christmas season. H
87 WEST EASY, ANN Come up with good things about West Virginia, in 50 words of fewer. H
86 EXCUSES, EXCUSES Come up with funny excuses for various malfeasances. H
76 ADIOS. Tell us, in 40 words or fewer, what is great about August in Washington. It's August, and we're out of here. H
75 CURSES! Come up with modern maledictions in the wise and entertaining Yiddish tradition. 3
68 GIVE US A SIGN Come up with new astrological signs for the 1990s, together with one day's horoscope. H
65 DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism. 1
57 CALLING THE TOON Who are these people, and what are they doing? H
37 A STATE OF DISGRACE? Propose any of the following for D.C.: A State Name, A State Flower, A State Bird, A State Slogan, A State Capital, A Governor, An Insulting State Joke. H
35 LIGHT AT THE END? Tell the federal government what is should do with the 14-mile-long, 15-foot-diameter sausage-shaped tunnel it dug near Waxahachie, Tex., for the Superconducting Super Collider project that was scrapped by Congress last week. H L


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]