This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1284 Same difference Explain how any two of the items in the provided list are similar, different or otherwise linked. H
1201 Tour de Fours XIII: What's there to NOVE? Coin a word or multi-word term that contains the letter block N-O-V-E. H H
1200 The definitive dozen Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words. H
1197 Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided. H
1196 Hyphen the Terrible Combine either half of a hyphenated word or compound term with either half of another such term to create a new hyphenated term, and describe the result humorously. H H
1191 Mess with our heads Reinterpret (or comment wryly on) a headline appearing in The Post (print or online) and dated Sept. 1-12 by writing a bank head, or subtitle H
1074 Let's go parody-hopping Describe a stage or movie musical in a parody of a song from a different musical. H
487 Eee! Rotica Come with a passage in a novel that ineptly describes hanky-panky. H
453 Haiku 2 U2 Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or head. A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem, of three lines. The first and last lines are five syllables; the middle line is seven. H
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H
409 Nice Job, if You Get It Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer. H H H
405 The "Sty"le Invitational Take any word--this may include people or places--put a portion of it in "air quotes" and redefine it. You may not alter the spelling. H H
401 A Matter of Degree Describe a sign of some modest change in a situation and pair it with a sign of an extreme change in that same situation. H
396 April Foals Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races and come up with appropriate names for their foals. Maximum 18 letters and spaces. H H
394 Life in the Blurbs Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect. H
391 Spinning Out of Control Take an headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction. H
390 Canine Fashion Write: 1. A caption for the provided image explaining what is happening; 2. An explanation of why the image is not photography but art; 3. A description of what additional items might be needed to make the image complete. Sex and potty jokes will be disqualified. 2 H
388 Pitches in the Dirt Come up with a sales pitch to get any surplus product off the shelves. H H U
383 A Kinder, Gender Nation Take an noun and give us a reason or two why it should be either masculine or feminine. H H H H H H
379 Rather Unusual Come up with lines that could be uttered by Dan Rather, with his unbearably folksy excesses. H
378 Bill Us Now Come up with a bill sponsored by any of the newly elected U.S. senators and representatives, and explain the purpose of the bill. 3
368 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the first half of any hyphenated word in a story in today's paper with the second part of a different hyphenated word from the same story, and provide a new definition. H H
364 Low Marks Come up with a new punctuation mark. Tell us what it looks like, and what it is used for, and use it in a sentence. 4 H
363 It's Your Movie Take the title of any movie and make it the answer to a riddle. 4 H
361 Bad Libs Select one subject, one verb, and one object from the provided lists, and then answer the riddle you create. 3
359 It's No Party Come up with a new political party and its main political tenet. 2
129 REMAKE US HAPPY Come up with alternative story lines to movie titles, new or old. 1
123 WHY IS POOP FUNNY? Come up with creative answers to any of the five questions above that might be asked by a 5-year-old. H
119 MUZAK TO OUR EAR Come up with unfortunate Muzak songs to hear on the while on hold. You can use either a song title or a lyric. H
114 THE JOKE'S ON YOU Come up with jokes to culminate in any of these six punch lines. H
113 WHAT KIND OF FOAL AM I? Take a list of horses nominated to the Triple Crown races this year, choose any two, and propose a name for their offspring. H H
88 GIVE US SOME GOOD NEWS Come up with ways things are going to be different now that Republicans have ascended to power. H
74 SHIRT HAPPENS In 10 words or fewer, what should the back of the "Year 2" T-shirt say? W
65 DESPERATELY SEEKING HUMOR Write a personal ad. It may be for a celebrity or for anyone in need of adroit euphemism. 3 H
63 BAD ABOUT YOU Come up with a lame idea for a Style Invitational contest, an idea destined to create unfunny results. H
59 A GRAVE AFFAIR Write appropriate epitaphs for the not-yet-dead. I
55 ESCAPE CLAUSES Send us self-serving moral loopholes through which the enterprising 1990s transgressor can crawl. 5
49 A SLALOM OCCASION Come up with events for a Washington Olympics. They can be winter or summer sports, based on bureaucracy or other themes peculiar to Washington, and must include a brief description of the event. H
40 NOT WRONG. JUST INCORRECT. What's next on the political correctness agenda? H
39 WAY OUTSIDE THE LINES Name a new crayon color for the 1990s, with a description. H
34 INSPECT A GADGET What do these machines do? 1
32 FATAL ART ATTACK In 50 words or fewer, describe a performance art concept that might get public funding. Winners will be audacious enough to seem like art, but pretentious enough to seem to have a social "message." 3
23 HAPPY ENDINGS Modernize an old quote or expression by altering its ending. H
22 STUMP US Come up with slogans for the 1996 presidential campaign. H H
11 YOU GIVE US THE BACKS OFF OUR SHIRTS The back of the shirt needs a slogan, something that captures the spirit of The Style Invitational. What is that spirit? You tell us. 7 H


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]