PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JACK CACKLER
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 1: 1st Runner-Up; rarely seen now, last awarded to Jon Dixon in Week 792.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions.
||Contest Fodder Created!
||Produce absurdly parochial views of historical events.
||Truly Stupendous Ideas
||Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different.
||We Got Gamy
||Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself.
||Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year.
||H H H |
||Send Us the Bill
||Come up with a bill sponsored by any combination of the newly elected members of Congress and explain the purpose of the bill.
||Hyphen the Terrible (New Edition!)
||Combine the beginning of any multi-syllabic word in this week's Invitational with the end of any other multi-syllabic word in this column (or in this week's Web supplement) to coin a new word, and then define it.
||Gadget If You Can
||Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are.
||Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings.
||Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text.
||H H H |
||Evil Things in Store
||Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate.
||Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country.
||H H |
||You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions.
||Slightly change the title of a TV show, past or present, and describe it.
||H W |
||The 97.5-Meter Dash
||Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time.
||Oh, for Namesakes!
||Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them.
||H H H |
||So Zoo Us
||Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it.
||1 H H ||
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]