PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR SETH BROWN

This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know, elden.carnahan@gmail.com.

Key to Ink Types:

WKTITLESYNOPSISINK TYPES
1296 A, we're Adorbs: New-word poems Use one or more of these words new to M-W.com in a humorous poem of eight lines max. H
1227 Celebrate ortho-diversity! Name and describe a new life form -- and no letter in the term may be used twice. H
1069 It's a small, small world Write a humorous poem of no more than eight lines -- it doesn't have to rhyme -- using only the top 1,000 words on Wiktionary.org's list of the most common among 20 million words found in movie and TV scripts. T
1065 The ands have it Slightly alter ANY well-known phrase in the form "A-and-B" -- it doesn't have to be Latinate/Anglo-Saxon -- and define it. H
1064 HistoRebuffs Alter some moment in history and tell us -- in no more than about 50 words -- the likely outcome. H
1054 Dead letters Write a short, humorous poem commemorating someone (or maybe even something) who died in 2013. H
1046 Derive us crazy Offer a bogus but funny explanation of how a particular expression originated. H
995 Ask backwards We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question. H H
993 Versus, verses Write a short "rap battle" between any two characters, real or fictional. H
957 Fearful Symmetry Write a clever passage who successive words are on letter longer until the middle of the passage, and then become one letter shorter. H
953 Clue us in Come up with creative, funny clues for the words and multi-word terms in the crossword puzzle that's already run in The Post. W
938 Free and Lear Write a limerick using the first two lines of any of Edward Lear's 115 limericks plus your own remaining three lines. H
910 Your ad here Slightly alter an advertising slogan so that someone else could use it. H
773 Always Looking for Sects Coin a religion or belief system and tell us its basic tenet or distinguishing characteristic. H
764 Can You Up Chuck? Come up with entirely new and funny Chuck Norris Facts. 4 H
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. H
755 Take Another 'Whack Send us a phrase of two or more words that produces exactly one Web page on the Google search engine and describe the phrase. H
754 Canny Similarities Cite a humorous "uncanny similarity" between any two of the very different people listed above. 2
741 Well, What Do You Know? Tell us what Major Life Lessons can be derived from any of these venues or situations. H
737 No River, No Woods Send us a funny parody of a well-known song, with lyrics that commemorate an occasion other than Christmas or Hanukkah. H
733 Just Drop It, Okay? Drop the first letter from an actual word or term to make a new word or term, and define it. H
727 We Get a C-Section Tell us some pros and cons of moving The Style Invitational to the Saturday Style section; or write us up some free promo-ad copying announcing the move. W
722 Let's Play Nopardy! We supply 12 phrases and you get to provide questions they might answer. The phrases were entries in our Week 717 contest, which asked for Googlenopes -- phrases that showed no previous hits from the Google search engine. I
719 We Har the World Come up with a creative name for a sports team for a town or city anywhere outside the United States. H H
708 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two from a list of 100 of the horses eligible for this year's Triple Crown races and provide an appropriate name for their foal. H
705 Simile Outrageous Come up with funny analogies, perhaps with some 21st-century references. H H
704 Another Game of Tag Create vanity plates for well-known people, real or fictional. H
703 Freak Trade Agreements Think of one thing to trade for another, and supply a short and funny explanation. H
688 Making Short Work Write a humorous six-word story. H
685 Thank it Over Tell us some things to be thankful for. H
684 Backtricking Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word. H H
679 Ask Backwards Here are the answers. You supply the questions to as many as you dare. 1 H H H T
675 Cut Us Some Slack Come up with humorous ways to be lazy. H H
674 Limerixicon 3 Supply a humorous limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ca-. H
667 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article on washingtonpost.com anytime from now through June 26 and supply a question it could answer. L
660 Foaling Down: The Next Generation Breed any two of the winning "offspring" included in this week's results, and name THEIR foal. H H
659 Tell Us a Fib Compose a six-line poem with the following number of syllables per line: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8. It must be about a person or topic currently in the news, and two successive lines must rhyme. H
656 It's Post Time Breed any two from a list of 100 of the more than 400 3-year-old racehorses nominated for this year's Triple Crown races, and name their hypothetical foal. The foal's name cannot exceed 18 characters and spaces combined. H T
653 It's the Eponymy, Stupid Coin a word or expression based on the name of a well-known person, define it, and perhaps use it in a sentence H
651 Show Us Some Character Add a character to a book or movie and tell us what happens in it. M
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
644 Winter Limp Picks Brighten up the Winter Olympics with some new events and rule. Alternatively, you can suggest a commercial or ad campaign that could be tied in with the Winter Games or one of its sports. 3 H
643 The Post's Mortems Give us a rhyming poem about some notable who died in 2005. H
641 Dreck of All Trades Come up with a business that combines two or more disparate products or services, and tell us its name and/or something else funny about it. H
639 What's the Small Idea? Do you have a senseless idea for improving the day-to-day lives of everyday Americans? H
635 I've Told You a Hundred Times Enter any Style Invitational from Week 536 to Week 631. Your entry must be substantially different from than original winners. H
633 Your Secret Here! Send us some original secrets (they don't have to be true). H
630 Hyphen the Terrible Combine the beginning and end of any two multisyllabic words in this week's Invitational, and then define the compound. H
629 Odd Couplings Marry or otherwise combine famous names and supply to result. H H
627 Per-Verse Write a limerick or other short poem with comically awful rhyming. H
626 Course Light Come up with a comical college class, along with a description for the course catalog. H
624 Limerixicon 2 Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with bd- through bl-. H H H H H
621 Questionable Journalism Take any sentence that appears in The Post or in an article in washingtonpost.com anytime through Aug. 8 and supply a question it could answer. H
619 WordCount Us In Write a poem of no more than four lines containing four or more consecutive words on the WordCount list. They must occur in the sentence in the order they appear on the list. H H
615 Airy Persiflage Write some jokes you'd like to hear in an airport announcement. H
614 In-Stock Characters Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters. H
611 Ask Backwards, Erudite Edition You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the sophisticated answers. You supply the questions. H
608 Comeback Next Week Come up with original snide retorts to various rude questions or comments. H T
605 Truly Stupendous Ideas Name two people with the same initials (the people can be living or dead, real or fictional) and explain how they are similar or different. H
602 Take a Letter -- Again Take a word, term or name that begins with A, B, C or D; either add on letter, subtract one letter, replace one letter, or transpose two letters; and define the new word. W
600 Top of the Inking Tell us some ways the District of Columbia will change now that we have the Nationals. H
595 Listing Precariously Take the two subject listings at the top of any page of the Yellow Pages and create a dictionary definition for the compound word they form. H P T
594 History Loves Company Name an appropriate corporate sponsor for some historical event or for someone's life story. 1
592 We Got Gamy Offer us a concise idea for a Super Bowl commercial, or some innovative halftime entertainment, or some inappropriate sponsors, or some ideas for improving the game itself. H H H H
591 Dead Letters Write rhyming poems about notable personages who have died in the past year. H
588 Gadget If You Can Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are. H
585 It's Parody Time Offer, in the holiday spirit of goodwill, some advice--as constructive and unifying as Loserly suggestions always are--to our nation's leaders (or the loyal opposition) as we prepare for the next four years. This advice will be set to the tune of some winter holiday song, either religious or secular. H H
584 Deliver Us a Post Come up with some new Cabinet or other positions that the president could establish, and describe the job responsibilities. H I
582 Perversery Rhymes Update a nursery rhyme or children's song with an edgier text. H H
580 United Nations Combine the names of any two countries in the world and describe the new hybrid country. H
578 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Above are the answers. Send us the questions. H H
572 The Limerixicon Supply a limerick based on any word in the dictionary (except proper nouns) beginning with ai- through ar-. H H I
571 A Tour de Fours Create and define a word that includes T, H, E, and S in any order. The letters must appear consecutively. H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. 1
569 Murphy's Lore Give Eric Murphy advice he deserves on the provided questions. H H H
566 Get Whack Type a two-word phrase into the Google search engine that produces exactly one result. H H
565 Anthem Is as Anthem Does Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune. 2 T
564 Redefine Print Redefine any word from the dictionary. H H
562 The LMNs of Style Write a funny sentence (or more) that you spell with only the sounds of the names of letters and those of numbers 1 through 9. H T
561 Deform of a Question Take any sentence appearing in The Washington Post or washingtonpost.com today through June 14, and make up a question to which the sentence could be an answer. H H
558 Set Us Right Send us conservative-leaning humor is any of the provided genres. H H
557 Oh, for Namesakes! Take two people, real or fictional, who share some element of their names and explain the difference between them. H
556 So Zoo Us Combine any two kinds of animals, give its name and describe it. H
552 What Kind of Foal Am I? Breed any two of the horses on a list of those qualifying for this year's Triple Crown races, and tell us a good name for their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H
549 Show Us Your Best Quantities Come up with novel units of measure, and explain or quantify them. H
546 A Nice Pair of Cities Choose any two or more real U.S. towns and come up with a joint endeavor they would undertake. H H H H
545 Put It in Reverse Spell a word backward and define it, with the definition relating in some way to the original word. H
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. H
538 Try, Try Again Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners. L
536 And the Horse He Rodin On Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker. 3
534 The Feminine Touch Propose how any male-dominated occupation of institution would change if it suddenly became female-dominated. 3 H H
528 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H H
521 Hyphen the Terrible Take the first half of any hyphenated word in today's Washington Post (or Tuesday's USA Today) and combine it with the second half of any other hyphenated word in the same story, and define the new word it produces. H
518 Say, Kids, What Time Is It? Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------." T
517 Insert Joke Here Slip a single bogus sentence into next year's State of the Union address, figuring the Prez will probably just read it right off the teleprompter. H H H
516 Err Apparent Come up with unwise things to say in any of the provided circumstances. H H T
514 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" These are your answers. What are the questions? 2
512 Live On, Sweet, Earnest Reader Take the name of any person--living, dead, fictional--and use the letters of his name, in succession. To form the first letters of an expression appropriate to that person. 1 H H H H
511 It All Impends Tell us what is something unusual about to happen in the provided cartoons. H
509 Be a Real Card Come up with a greeting card rhyme for an un-greeting-card occasion. T
508 Letter Rip Take a word from the dictionary, add, change, or delete a single letter, and redefine the word. H H
499 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for this year's Triple Crown and tell us the name of their foal. Maximum 18 characters, including spaces. H H
498 Unamazing But True! Submit a true fact that is of absolutely no use, but interesting in a weirdly Invitationalist way. 2 H
497 Ask Backward You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions? H
495 Words of One Syl- Um, Just Short Words Take some complex issue of any sort and explain it to all us morons entirely in words of one syllable. T
492 Cheap Tricks Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times. H
489 Combo, First Blood Combine two people whose names contain a common element, as in the examples above. Then describe the person, or provide a quote he or she might have uttered. H H T
488 No Rest for the Query Come up with a vexing, funny question about life. H T
487 Eee! Rotica Come with a passage in a novel that ineptly describes hanky-panky. T
486 A Word From Our Co-Sponsors Come up with bills the new members of Congress might sponsor. Each bill must have at least two sponsors. H
485 Asterisky Business Write a joke with a punch line depending on knowledge so esoteric that it requires an asterisked explanation. T W
484 Manufracturing Take any product and explain how it would be different if it were designed by a different existing company. H
482 Inspect Our Gadgets What are these gadgets? What do they do? W
480 In No Uncertain Terminations Come up with a way to stop any unwanted overture in its tracks. H H
479 Invest Case Scenario Suggest new companies in which it might be unwise to invest. H H H H
478 Do You Mindset? Anticipate items for the Mindset List for the freshman class of the year 2020. H
477 A Load of Bulwer Give us the beginning of incompetently written novel. 2 H
476 Portmanteautapping Make a new word by squishing together two existing words. The constituent words must share at least two letters. H H H
474 Alphabettering Create a sentence that uses each letter the alphabet at least once but that would never be heard on the politically correct, genteel, rarified air of NPR. H H H
473 Offensive Line Find what's offensive in any of the provided cartoons, and explain. T W
472 Water Stupid Idea Propose bad ideas for saving water in the continuing drought. H H H
471 Excuses, Excuses Come up with creative new excuses for not turning in homework, not filing your taxes on time, missing church or forgetting your spouse's birthday. 2 H H H
470 Czar Har Take the name of someone famous, rhyme it with a product, and describe the unholy union. 3 H H
469 Playing Check-In Suggest appropriate hotel check-in names for any celebrities, past or present, living or dead. T
468 Ism This Stupid? Take any common prefix and attach it to any well-known "ism" and define the new term. 3
467 Get Your But in Here Produce a line that fits this structure: (Real thing based upon current events) is (word or phrase suggesting some quality) but (other word or phrase suggesting a dissimilar or incompatible quality), like (funny analogy). 2 H
466 Spit the Difference Tell us the difference between any two of the provided items. H
462 Cast Away Come up with a terrible bit of miscasting in a movie or TV show, past or present, real or imagined. H H
460 Pompous Assets Come up the first paragraph of a review of a real book or movie, past or present, that is narcissistic, pretentious, and self-aggrandizing. T
458 It's a Setup Come up with joke setups for any of the provided punch lines. H
457 Letter Rip Give us the beginning of a letter to the editor that is certain never to see print. T
455 Comixing Create new comic characters by crossing two existing characters, then describe the character. H W
453 Haiku 2 U2 Write a haiku summarizing the career of any American politician, living or head. A haiku is generally defined as a nonrhyming poem, of three lines. The first and last lines are five syllables; the middle line is seven. H H H
451 Make Your Pix Which two of the provided cartoons are related, and how? H
450 Blues It or Lose It Write the first verse of a blues song expressing some Washington area woe. H T
449 Cut and Pastiche Create a new, funny headline from the words of any headlines appearing anywhere in today's Post. You cannot subdivide words. H T
448 What Kind of Foal Am I? Mate any two of the horses qualifying for the Triple Crown races this year and propose a name for their foal. No name may exceed 18 characters, including spaces. H H H H H H T
447 Acronimble Take any of the provided witty statements and use the first letters in each of the words to create a brand-new, unrelated funny statement. 4 H H T
446 Poems Where the Heart Is Take any recent news event and summarize it in a rhyming poem of eight lines or fewer. H H T
445 Another Round of Bierce Add a few entries to Ambrose Bierce's famous "Devil's Dictionary." H H T
443 Sick Humor Come up with modern diseases of Washington life. H
442 Titletales Take any real book or movie, change one word slightly, and describe the resulting new product. 2 H
441 Spit the Difference Take any two nouns that appear on the front page of today's Washington Post and explain how the nouns differ from each other. H
440 Picture This What is going on in these cartoons? H
437 The Telegraph Poll Tell us the beginning of a joke that badly telegraphs the punch line. W

MOST OF YOUR INK

Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"

or

"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.





[still working on this ...]