PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JOSH BORKEN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 3: 3rd Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- T: Revised Title for current or next Week's Results.
||Send us a cheer or fight song for any pro sports team or any national team.
||What's not to liken?
||Produce one or more similes in any of the following categories.
||Going to the shrink
||Downsize the title of a book, movie or play to make it smaller or less momentous and describe it.
||Pitch us an idea for a summer movie featuring two or more of the provided characters.
||Gadget If You Can
||Tell us what these nifty, indispensable items are.
||God's Will (and Won't)
||Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----."
||Evil Things in Store
||Think of evil or just plain stupid practices that the staff of a retail or other establishment might perpetrate.
||Anthem Is as Anthem Does
||Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune.
||Suggest creative uses for things you've already used, or never will use, or other disposable household thingies, singly or in combination.
||Tell us about certain people's childhood experiences and behaviors that hint at their destinies.
||Try, Try Again
||Enter any previous Invitational. Your entry must be substantially different from the original winners.
||And the Horse He Rodin On
||Come up with some words we can stick in the back of The Inker.
||Can you tell us what astonishing news Bob Staake is trying to pass on with cartoons?
||The Feminine Touch
||Propose how any male-dominated occupation or institution would change if it suddenly became female-dominated.
||Mate the clones of any two famous real people, living or dead--a male and a female, please--and hypothesize what traits or skills their offspring might have.
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||Rite of First Defusal
||Come up with witty or bizarre things to say to defuse the tension in awkward moments.
||Say, Kids, What Time Is It?
||Fill in the blanks in the following sentence: "You know it's time to ------ when ------."
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]