PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR JERRY BIRCHMORE
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org.
Key to Ink Types:
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- I: Idea for Contest.
||Your wish: A pun -- a star
||Tell a joke, in your choice of form, whose punchline is a pun on a song title or lyric.
||The definitive dozen
||Supply a word, name or multi-word term along with a wry definition or description; together, the term and description must total exactly 12 words.
||Picture This -- It's a Bob Staake caption contest
||Write a caption for any of the cartoons provided.
||The Rorschach of the crowd
||Interpret one of more of the provided genuine inkblots. You may look at them upside down or sideways.
||Plan C -- a third candidate?
||Explain why some novel person (or thing) should be president; you could also suggest a president-veep ticket.
||The ballad box
||Write a song related to this year's elections, set to a familiar tune.
||Give us four Pinocchios
||Tell us some false "facts" about politicians, present or past.
||A remeaning task
||Redefine an existing word or two-word term beginning with P through Z.
||Write a caption for any of the five provided cartoons.
||Re-arrange all the words in the title of a movie, and describe the resulting work.
||Just do it
||Use a well-known advertising slogan for a different company, organization or product to humorous effect.
||Set the law on us
||Suggest an odd law for a particular place in the world.
||We give you the "answers" and you supply jokes in the form of a question.
||H H |
||Out of network
||Move a current or former TV program (or type of programming) to a different network and explain what would change.
||Write a "wellerism," a sentence that starts with a quote, often a short proverb, and goes on to include some sort of wordplay on something in the quote.
||Give us some bad ideas
||Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases.
||Bring on the 'fight' jokes
||Tell us an original joke ending with “And then the fight started.”
||Our type o' headline
||Change a headline by one letter, or switch two letters, or change spacing or punctuation, in a headline (or most of a headline) appearing on an article or ad in The Washington Post or on washingtonpost.com from Oct. 7 through Oct. 17, and elaborate on it in a "bank" headline (subhead).
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]